The Playpen

This blog, in many ways, is a synonym for my life. If it remains void of any activity or progress then one might assume that my personal experiences have been mirroring those same characteristics.

A while ago, I might have agreed. If I am correct in my thinking, then I can safely assume that I am not the only individual who has felt this way for the last 12 months or so. Its as if life in general has entered a great holding pattern; everyone working, struggling and waiting for optimism and positivity to once again nudge motivation back into their souls. It has been a difficult time and I, someone who prides himself on maintaining a positive outlook on life, have been struggling to find an appropriate outlet for creativity.

There have been victories. A new and exciting job, milestones in my children’s lives and a reconnection between my wife and myself spurred by the elimination of distraction that can only be brought about by the removal of the potential for too many extracurricular activities. But there have also been failures and hardship as well. I have struggled to continue to see the glass as half full and, at times, have even wondered what the purpose of the glass is at all.

This life-plateau, however, has been necessary, and I have finally begun to decipher its meaning and have reached a point where I am ready to began acting upon my discoveries.

You see, when you remove the elements for which you have no real right; those elements that, should you be lucky enough to enjoy them for a time, are capable of being taken away at any given moment, you are left with only what you can depend on. Those basic human traits that, no matter what occurs, will always live within all of us. Love, compassion, laughter, excitement, empathy, generousity and caring. These are the principles which, I now believe, a life should be built upon. We all have wants and desires, and we all feel a certain amount of disappointment when they are not realized. But those basic emotions will continue to smolder within us, regardless of outside influence, forever. I have come to realize that these are what life is all about.

My children navigate their lives with only these things in mind. They are not influenced by status, social standing, success or failure. They are driven by the basic need to get as much enjoyment out of their lives as possible, and they seek this out in very basic ways. A smile from their father, a touch from their mother. A horsey ride around the living room, or an airplane spin in the back yard. The simplest things can cause laughter to bubble in their hearts, and I wonder at what point do we begin to lose touch with that concept. They do not wait for “this” to happen or “that” to take place before they allow themselves to be happy. Rather, they live completely in the moment and, undoubtedly, have been enjoying their experiences much more than I have as of late.

There is no sane way to run from one’s responsibilities as an adult, nor should it be suggested that that is the desirable thing to do. I do believe, however, that during the past year or so, my children have taught me more than I have taught them. If nothing else, the past has provided me a clearer picture as to what the future can hold, and should. For a time I was bitter and angry. I felt that economic downturn coupled with other factors in my personal life were unfair and unjust. I spent a great deal of time pining over what could have been, while my children have just gone on living, happily.

I am tentative about summarizing my thoughts in this post; fearful, at the very least, that this entry will come off as so many others that I have read countless times before. I am simply trying to convey that this very moment in time represents a choice. I must choose between continuing to look back, or turning around, lifting my head, gazing down the many paths that stretch out before me, selecting one and walking.

I choose to walk, because what I once viewed as a setback I now see as a lesson. I have been given gifts that live alongside me each and every day. They love me, respect me, laugh at my jokes and, most importantly, share this whirlwind of uncertainty called life with me each and every day, regardless of the outcome. That is the meaning of it all, and that is what allows me to choose with confidence, for, with them by my side, there can be no wrong path.

Happy Travels,

-Matt

Have you ever tried bungee jumping? I get that question a lot, and my answer is always the same. While my personal preference for repeatedly putting my life in danger was skydiving in my younger years due to what I refer to as “spirituality gained only when your life is out of your control,” there was one particular aspect of the experience that I found intriguing. My mental process. You see, when exiting an aircraft at 12,000 ft, one experiences sensory overload. The prop blast, the smell of jet fuel, the deafening roar of the wind…before you know what has happened you are in freefall and, well, there you are. With bungee jumping, however, you have time to think about it. Time to look down at the tiny little people on the ground just beyond the tips of your toes. Time to think about what might occur should you slip and fall. Time for concern.

I relate the births of my daughter and son to these experiences. Frankie was a skydive. A whirlwind of chaos during which my only survival tactic was simply survival itself. Complete instinct and reflex. Dominick was a bungee jump, comparitively speaking, and I had time for concern. I still do.

I have a son, you see. A son. I am admittedly a bit of a traditionalist when it comes to the roles of a man and a woman in the household. Fault me if you will, but I still believe that a man is responsible for certain aspects of raising children, likewise for women. My wife could most likely go back to work tomorrow and earn a higher salary than me, yet I believe it is still my responsibilty to teach my son business and management and so forth. It’s how I am wired.

During this little break of mine I have had a great deal of time to finally process what having a son means to me. I consider myself to be a good father to my daughter. I nurture any talent she may find intriguing, blow dry and style her hair, take her to the playground and read long (dear god, so very long) books to her at bedtime. But she is still a girl and, like it are not there are some things I just can’t teach her. At least not as well as my wife. My son is different. He is my responsbility. Perhaps not so much now during the breastfeeding and the vomit and the poop, but soon. He will learn what kind of man to be from me, and that frightens me.

I do a fairly good job of coming off spotless here on my blog; presenting myself in ways that mask my flaws and emphasize my strengths. The truth, however, is that there are likely more flaws than strengths, and I am not sure that I can hide them from him. In five years I have learned that children learn by example, not words. They are observant and absorbant, and no action taken by either parent goes unnoticed. He is watching. Already, at 10 months, and he is learning, and I have not yet grown up. I have not taken the necessary steps to fix those things about myself which I do not wish for him to inherit, and I don’t know why. What I do know is that I want him to be a good man. A decent and honorable man, and I have become painfully aware of the fact that, if I don’t make some changes soon, his odds of becoming that which I want will be noticably increased.

So to him I have this to say.

Dominick,

-Matt

In the darkest hole, you’d be well advised
Not to plan my funeral before the body dies

I awoke with a start and wiped a drop of drool from the corner of my mouth, looking around frantically, my heart racing. After a few seconds of vertigo I regained my equilibrium enough to realize that I had fallen asleep on the living room couch; Aline had gone out for a walk with Dominick and the sizzling of pancetta in a skillet along with the brightly colored wristband Guy Fieri was wearing as he explained how to make rocked-out, steamed sea urchin with a flaming watermelon fireball spritzer had lulled me into a deep slumber.

I could set you free, rather hear the sound
Of your body breaking as I take you down

What the hell was that? The nasal, melodic voice echoed through the house and chilled my spine me as I forced air through the blurred, hazy corners of my mind. I rose, and walked groggily down the hall, the sound becoming louder as I approached the rear of the house.

Let the sun never blind your eyes
Let me sleep so my teeth don’t grind

Frowning, I opened the door to the guest bedroom, which was dark except for a thin sliver of yellow light that I traced along the floor from my toes to a walk-in closet in the back corner of the room. Although I had installed a child proof device on the handle of the door, it stood open a bit, light streaming out.

It was a closet I called my “studio”. It contained all of my guitars, recording equipment, CD collection, DVDs, records, album covers; typical man faire. I considered it my hideaway. A place where I could be alone and play music, record and basically wind down without interruption. It was my sanctuary, and it had been breeched.

I pushed the door open and my breath hissed through my teeth when I took in the scene.

My first instict was to assume that it had been ransacked, and I instictively grabbed a microphone stand and whirled around, my new weapon cocked like a baseball bat, ready to inflict a minor cut on whomever had dared enter my home.

In the darkest hole, you’d be well advised
Not to plan my funeral before the body dies

It came again, and I relaxed my stance a little. Why would burglars be playing music? It didn’t make sense. With the microphone stand still in my possession, I ventured out and down the hall to my daughter’s room, which had clearly become the source of the lyrics. They became almost deafening as I reached the door. I pushed it and it swung open with a creak, barely audible over the noise.

Much like my studio, her room was in complete disarray. I glanced about frantically, attempting to piece together what was taking place. Then, as if guided by some mysterious force, my eyes came to rest on this.

then this,

and this,

then finally on my daughter, who was not only dancing about to Alice In Chains like a manic lunatic, but was performing some type of ritual that resembled what I could only assume was a four-year-old version of moshing. While I slept, she had broken into my hallowed chambers, stolen my most sacred music, put it on her CD player and completely trashed her room in dance. She had gone crazy.

As our eyes met she froze in place, arms raised, with one foot off the ground, waiting in anticpation for what she must have thought would be the coming of the Apocalypse. Slowly, the tension in her body faded as a huge grin crept over my face before it finally gave way to gales of uncontrollable laughter. I ran to her, sweeping her up into my arms and embraced her as tears of joy streamed down my face.

My daughter was a metal head.

The Lord had blessed me, for I was home.

-Matt
Hey. There are new Misha Lulu spring fashions for girls at RedSparks. Perfect for headbanging and thrashing. Check it.

First things first. I haven’t posted about my son, Dominick, in ages. Some of that has to do with the fact that I haven’t posted about anything in ages, so I can’t really be held accountable for lack of emphasis on the male portion of my offspring spectrum. The truth is, he’s a terrific kid, and I can’t believe he’s growing up so quickly…even got his first tooth a week or so ago (thank god.) Anyway, here are a couple of sweet photos of the boy to prove that I really do own one.

Pretty cute, hey? OK, on to other things. What do Paul Simon, Joni Mitchell, John Lennon and Nickleback all have in common? That’s right! They all write amazing, thought-provoking and brilliant lyrics. I, however, believe that they may have met their match. Remember how we cut back on TV for Frankie a while ago? Well, it is having a profound effect on her, and we intend to keep it up. For starters, she is much more mellow and well-behaved. Not perfect, by any means, but better. The second thing I have noticed is that she is beginning to rely on her imagination more for entertainment, and that can only be considered a very positive thing.

Take yesterday morning for example. She loves music. loves it. In fact, she adores it so much she has taken up songwriting as a hobby. She will usually crank out two or three new pieces on the way to school in the morning, and some of them are actually pretty good. Yesterday morning, I was finally able to talk her into letting me record one of her better ones – a melancholy number about a crying dolphin that is so cool it doesn’t even need a name. The lyrics are deep. So deep, I am embarrassed to admit, they fly high over my head. In case any of the rest of you have this same problem, I have taken the liberty of transcribing them right into the video. I think you’ll agree that the potential impact of this piece on today’s society could be mind-blowing. Enjoy, and look for it on iTunes.

-Matt
Did you remember that we started our online baby boutique, RedSparks, for Frankie? Yep.

So I was inspired by last week’s series, in particular the post about television. My daughter is becoming a pretty creative kid, and I am fairly sure that Toot & Puddle has nothing to do with that fact. So on Saturday I decided we were going to shut it off and do something a litle more stimulating. I give you the “I.T.W.”

The I.T.W., or “Interesting Things Walk”, is basically a photography hike. I strapped on my Nikon D40 and she strapped on her Fisher Price Kid Tough Digital Camera and we embarked on a long journey to find and document all things interesting around our neighborhood.

When I was in art school, we had a photography project in which each student was assigned a small section of a road. We were to photograph it, then return for a critique. The first round photos was all the same; street signs, building facades, trees, etc. Our teacher, Dennis Keeley, lambasted us and urged us to look more closely or “go deeper,” as he put it. By the end of the assignment the photos were terrific. There were homeless men, shots of unkempt, empty hotel rooms with drained liqor bottles in them and an abandoned, unexplained campfire. I tried to pass this lesson on Frankie during our walk.

“Yes, that’s a tree, sweetie, but what is interesting about it?” She ate it up and got some pretty damn good photos if you ask me. Let’s critique a few:

Her first photo was simply a textural study, clearly intended to stimultate intereset by focusing on contrast caused by strong horizontal and vertical lines.

Her next one (two actually), surprised me. She knows that we don’t throw fruit roll up wrappers on the ground because it will hurt the trees, but I was amazed that she so adeptly illustrated her commentary on the cancer that is humankind, and its apparent commitment to furthering the decay of Mother Earth.

I was impressed with not only the composition of her next piece, but also with the maturity she displayed by visually stating her opinion that, even though we are a free people, declining property values in a struggling economy bind us to a larger degree to the pursuit of the almighty dollar, effectively “fencing us in” to our mortgages and rental payments from which we may feel we have no escape.

And this one is just a pretty flower.

All in all it was a terrific experience. We had a great time and I have vowed to to it again soon. The interesting thing was that, when we returned home, TV was all but forgotten, and we spent the rest of the day doing creative activities, of which my personal favorite was Playdough for the simple reason that we made this and that it is totally badass.

So, yeah. TV off for a while. At least more moderation. She took her creativity seriously on that day, and I am pretty sure she can’t wait to do it again.

-Matt

RedSparks.com

The last day of Time Out is upon us. I want to thank each member of the Time Out Panel for being honest and straightforward; I think the series was a terrific success, and I learned a lot. We laughed, we cried. It was better than Cats. I’ll read it again and again.

So today I thought I’d close the series by just asking the moms a little something about themselves, and pry a bit deeper into their personal lives because, after all, that’s really what blogging is all about, right? And I also thought I’d take a moment and throw my own two cents in and give my own opinion on this particular topic because, after all, it is my blog, and I haven’t met a person yet who doesn’t love a good compliment; sort of explains my logic in selecting this panel and is my way of saying thanks.

We all have characteristics within ourselves that we are proud of. If you could pass one personality trait from yourself on to each of your children, what would it be and why? How about one personality trait from your spouse or partner?

Mr. Lady
Whiskey In My Sippy Cup

From me? A little bit of artsy-fartsy-ness. I’m no Picasso or Beethoven or Hemmingway, but I’m fairly artistic. I really hope that my kids grow up to have appreciation for art; not just the actual, physical product, but the creative process. From my husband? Athleticism. My husband was a hard core, record-holding athlete in his day, and the man hasn’t met a sport yet he can’t play. I, having the coordination of a Jello mold, find this a very admirable quality in a person. He’s more conscientious and disciplined for having grown up a rigourous athlete, and I hope my kids take some of that from him, too.

Author’s Opinion: Mr Lady is one of the first bloggers I started reading and she will probably be the last. With her ability to twist pop culture and raw emotion into one blog, as well as the possession of wit that could cut glass, I am sure that her children are not only intelligent and well-rounded, but will also buy mom flowers every day on Mother’s Day well into their Golden Years. And that’s something.

Barbara Boucher
TherExtras

Tough question. [And to think I asked for this question over naming my favorite 80’s metal band.]

I am most pleased when I see my children show good social skills. We worked really hard to develop ours theirs. Believing that personality has a strong natural origin (over being learned) I have pretty much resigned myself to accept who they are and the frequent signs of quirks from my side of the family. From my Studly Hubby I most hope they carry his optimism. Always.

Author’s Opinion: Barbara is a straight shooter, and I respect her ability to not conform to the “norms” within the blogosphere. She’s one of the most intelligent women I know; we have joked about my inability to even remotely comprehend her blog on a regular basis; My guess is that any child of hers probably doesn’t buy Cliffs Notes, and any kid would be better of for that.

Kori Jones
See Kori Rant

From me, I would like my children to inherit the belief that no matter what happens in life, things will always get better; there is a cycle to it all, good and bad and it will eventually come back around to good again. As long as we keep getting up and doing the best that we can with what information we have, we can do anything. From my partner? The ability to control his temper, because God knows they aren’t going to learn that from me.

Author’s Opinion: Kori gets down on herself a lot, but the truth is I have never come across an individual with a stronger spirit or a more giving heart. The amount of adversity she has overcome in her life makes my head spin, and she always manages to keep fighting on. Kori is a true inspiration, and her kids will most certainly benefit from her strength and compassion.

McMommy
The McMommy Chronicles

From my husband? How to grill a steak perfectly.

From me?
The appreciation for a good guitar solo in an 80s hair band, a good glass of wine with someone whose conversation you always enjoy, and how when I pee? Yeah, it all MAKES IT INTO THE POTTY! Not on the shower curtain, not gathering in a little puddle on the floor—IN.THE TOILET. (A PSA to Matthew and Carter’s future wives: These two are a work in progress, but hopefully by the time I pass them off to you, we’ll have this little aim situation taken care of. Unless you like living in frat houses. WAIT A SECOND. On second thought, if you DO like living in frat houses, move along. I sure as hell don’t want you marrying MY angelic sons!!)

Author’s Opinion: McMommy is funny, and her blog is light and easy to read. She sees more traffic than Los Angeles on a Friday at 3:45 PM. Because she is a mommy and has some time to write and got lucky? WRONG! She works hard. Mcmommy is shrewd, savvy, professional and frankly, is the best social media marketer I know. A wolf in sheep’s clothing, this one, and don’t let her fool you. Her kids will KILL in business one day if they want to, because McMommy knows what she’s doing. Much respect.

Aline Pfingsten
RedSparks

I’m obnoxiously good with finances. I balance my checkbook down to the last cent and it’s always correct. I should have been an accountant, except then I might be considered boring and I’m certainly not that. So, I really would like for my daughter to learn and appreciate the value of money. Juggling finances and being good at it is an important trait especially later in life when she has a family. As for a personality trait from my spouse, that’s easy. His incredible sense of humor, his ability to make us all crack up at any time, all the time. After eleven years of marriage I can say he can still get me doubled over crying my eyes out. Laughter in a home is a good thing.

Author’s Opinion: Aline is my wife. Knowing my children came from her puts my mind at ease that they will come out OK. We fight once in a while, as do all couples that have been married for as long as we have. But we laugh, too. So hard and so often. I have had the best nights of my life with her, and that’s just because she’s FUN. Not a lot of people are FUN, and I consider myself lucky to have found her. I believe that the NUMBER ONE factor in a successful marriage is that you must enjoy being with your spouse more than anyone else on the planet. And I do. My kids will be fun too, because of her, and there’s a great deal of comfort in that.

This marks the end of my series, and I REALLY enjoyed doing it. Thanks again to all the moms involved; I had a great time. Funny. I have this weird feeling I used to get on closing night of a school play. Lets do it again one day, shall we?

If you’d like to read all of the Time Out series, click the links below for previous discussions.

Time Out – Frustration

Time Out – Preschool

Time Out – Private Time

Time Out – Television

-Matt
RedSparks.com

OK, I admit it. Things slowed down a bit yesterday. But the topic is still important to me and I was grateful to have honest input from the esteemed panel of amazing moms on the third day of Time Out. Today’s topic, however, is something I have wrestled with on an almost daily basis since my daughter was born. Like cigarettes and liquor, TV is something I know should be bad, and something I should prevent her from abusing. However, it’s just so easy to come by. So let’s talk about it a little. Here comes question four!

Let’s talk about television for a minute. We all know that we are supposed to think that it’s bad for kids. In your opinion, is it? How much is too much for kids and what activities do you encourage as an alternative?

Kori Jones
See Kori Rant

We recently acquired cable television after having gone nine years with no television at all; I got rid of television after I realized our entire family was sheduling our day around what was on the TV. Well, that and hearing Bob Dole talk about erectile dysfunction. And, really, nothing has changed; there is still a lot of crap out there on TV, and I think it is our responsibility as intelligent adults (presumably) to weed out the things we don’t want our kids to see and learn. In the years without television, my kids learned to read or play with their toys or play games or (gasp!) go outside, and I have found that hasn’t changed that much. They still do all of those things because TV hasn’t been their primary focus. I do think that TV can be a useful tool, especially if parents are cognizant of the messages being sent out and take pains to reduce their impact of the children.

Mr. Lady
Whiskey In My Sippy Cup

I’m a big fan of tv. I am also a big fan of good grades and exercise. As long as a balance gets struck, I’m okay with it. I used to only let my boys watch tv on Saturday and Sunday, and I found that, come Saturday morning, it was like a FIX by that point. They were so insanely desperate for it that it would consume their whole day. It’s like never giving your kids candy and thereby creating little sugar-crazy maniacs. I let them watch during the week now, but after homework and around outside time. I find that by letting them have it in moderation, they never over-do it.

Aline Pfingsten
RedSparks

I have read that too much TV is bad for kids. And I’m sure to some extent that is true. Before Frankie turned 2 we limited her TV watching to about half hour to an hour a day. She’s always had her favorite shows taped, so we’ve stuck to that and that’s all she would watch. As she got older we became more liberal with the whole thing. My thinking; as long as she shows interest in other activities and is able to focus on them without constantly reverting back to TV then I’m ok with it. Some nights we don’t do TV at all and frankly she hardly minds it. This shows me that she’s not that attached to it. We read or play Wii, cook together or simply hang out and chat about her day at school.

Barbara Boucher
TherExtras

Okay, but only for a minute. [Give me the remote, Matt!]

(You pose a developmental question here, Matt. Are the children 2, 4, 6, 8, 10, 12, 14 or 16 years old?)

In less than a minute: television = all screens; severely limited to pre-approved viewing or co-viewing (might be safer than co-sleeping) for less than 1 hour per day for preschoolers and only on weekends for children over the age of 4. Instead: reading, conversation, play with siblings and toys, planned activities, extracurriculars, play involving movement – skating, bicycling, swinging, swimming. A safe play environment in close proximity to parents.

Pre-set your own rules, for without rules it is a judgment call every.single.day.

Matt, you didn’t ask about texting and time online.

McMommy
The McMommy Chronicles

My kids are not huge television watchers….and not because I don’t encourage, believe me! You know how much it can help to have them watch a show for 30 minutes so you can get a few things done! But what they do love? Computers. They each have their own. My 5 year old loves to fly airplanes on his with Microsoft Flight Simulator. Our almost 3 year old has an old laptop of ours. He plays on www.starfall.com and www.playhousedisney.com. When I walk out in the morning (I am always the last person to get up in this house….SETTLE DOWN ALL YOU GOOD MOMS! It’s not my fault the three of them are morning people and I am not!) it is hilarious….all three of them are at my kitchen counter, sitting on the barstools, each with a laptop in front of them. I love it. Which could be proof that I may love tech geeks more than 80s hair bands.

So, I’m still not sure. Let my daughter watch eight straight hours of Gilligan or not? Weigh in with your thoughts. You know. If you’re not watching Idol.

If you’d like to read more of the Time Out series, click the links below for previous discussions.

Time Out – Frustration

Time Out – Preschool

Time Out – Private Time

-Matt
Online shopping beats TV every time. We all know it. Check out RedSparks.

Time Out, day three. The series is going swimmingly well, I must say. Yesterday’s question ended up being more of a hot button than I expected but I think that, even though things got slightly heated, the debate was healthy. I was grateful for all the participation; the answers and comments made me feel much more secure about our decision to send our daughter to preschool at an early age. But now, it’s time to move on. Let’s get to question three!

Most couples experience somewhat of a “down cycle” in their relationship with one another after having children. Is alone time with your partner or spouse a priority to you? What do you, or did you, do to “recharge the batteries” with them? Does it/did it help?

Aline Pfingsten
RedSparks

The last time I went out to a nice dinner with my husband was in October of 2008, so yeah I’d say we’re in a down cycle now. I haven’t gotten much sleep in 7 months and I’m still learning to juggle two kids. And apparently my body no longer belongs to me since I handed it over to my son the day he was born. It’s definitely a priority but our relationship is on a slow track right now, soon it will be back to top of the list. All we need is time alone, the rest will come, we’re good at that. Solution? Find the babysitter we’ve been looking for the past 5 years!

Kori Jones
See Kori Rant

Since I already had three children when I met my current partner, this doesn’t especially apply in the same way-when I had child #4 with my current partner, I was already in parent mode and we had already had to work around that. That said, I DO believe that one-on-one time, without kids, is extremely important. We make a concerted effort to go out alone once a week, be it dinner on Friday or breakfast on Sunday. Also, the hour after the younger two go to bed is ours. I have a really crappy track record, and he has never been in a committed relationship with someone, so it has been interesting and sometimes frustrating to find that balance. However, I have discovered that remembering outside the bedroom why we are together, being two adults who share common interests and can have intelligent conversations, directly affects not just the sexual aspect of our relationship but every other aspect of it as well.

Mr. Lady
Whiskey In My Sippy Cup

HAHAHAHA. Moving on…..

McMommy
The McMommy Chronicles

When I married my husband, I gave him a watch the night before we got married. On the back of the watch, I had it engraved with “My drinking buddy. My friend. My love.” Which may not have been the most romantic thing to engrave on the back of the watch, but it was 100% us. Two kids later, it still holds true. Because nothing is better to my husband and I than opening a bottle of wine, sitting down in our kitchen, and just talking about our day….while our kids run around and tear up the house around us.

The one thing my husband and I don’t agree on? 80s hair bands. I love them. He doesn’t. Which may be grounds for divorce.

Barbara Boucher
TherExtras

Alone time is important to us. No real ‘down cycles’ for us – we married later than most and have always marveled that we found each other. [Mutually we attribute it to Divine Intervention.] Despite not living near relatives when they were young and with few trusted babysitters, we had plenty of alone time in our home when they were asleep. You might say we are easily entertained.

Frankly, alone time for special events or time away has been relatively more difficult to arrange after they became teens. But not a huge stressor for us. [*yawn* Is it bedtime, yet, Dear?]

Clearly “mommy-daddy” time is important to everyone yet, for me, seems so hard to come by after children. I believe strongly that spending alone time with your significant other helps build a solid family foundation yet, as you can see from my wife’s response, sometimes that’s easier said than done. I’d be interested in hearing how anyone else overcomes this problem. It is obviously not something I (we) have mastered.

Thank you for your honesty, ladies of the panel! If you’d like to read more of their answers, click the link below for previous discussions.

Time Out – Frustration

Time Out – Preschool

-Matt
You know, one thing you could to when you’re spending time away from your kids is shop for them online at RedSparks. Relationship-saver, for sure.

The second day of Time Out is here! This series runs every day this week, and features five brilliant moms from all over the U.S., answering five different questions on five different days. Yesterday’s question, regarding frustration in raising children, was pretty cool. But today’s question is a real humdinger, at least for me. Let’s get on with it!

1: There has, historically, been a lot of debate regarding whether full-time preschool benefits or harms children in the long term. What are your thoughts on preschool? Is three or four-years-old too early to ship your kid off to school?

Barbara Boucher
TherExtras

It depends. [One of the reasons the students did not like me.]

This is similar to the age old 20th Century question of the benefits/harm of daycare. The parents who are most capable select good preschools – so little-to-no harm done. Parents who are less capable take whatever preschool they get or choose poorly – with the results split for benefit to the children who get better preschool than parenting.

Characteristics of a good preschool: low child/adult ratio, developmentally-based curriculum, stable staff who form attachments with the children, enriched and structured environment. Remarkably similar to staying home with siblings and a parent. Personally, I think part-time preschool is adequate for 3 and 4 year old children. Full-time preschool is euphemism for daycare – the characteristics of which should match the above listed.

Kori Jones
See Kori Rant

Apparently I have missed the entire debate, with all four of my kids. It has never occurred to me that it WOULD harm children; does the teacher have issues with small children? A pointy nose and warts that might frighten them? I can’t think of a single reason pre-school would harm a child. I think that if mom does not work and the child does not attend daycare, pre-school would be a benefit in order to provide socialization skills for three and four year olds. Or to keep mom from completly losing it for at least a few hours a week.

Aline Pfingsten
RedSparks

No debate here, I’m all for it. Especially, if the child is ready. What’s the point of keeping a child at home that is bouncing off the walls? Not to mention benefiting from the social aspect of preschool, a set schedule, learning to make friends etc…. In my case, my daughter Frankie was absolutely ready. Before preschool we did daycare twice a week. I knew that once preschool started it would be an every day, all day thing. Going to daycare gave her the opportunity to get acclimated to slowly being away from home. She loved it. A year later when she school started, she was one of the few kids who didn’t have a hard time with the transition. At that point I felt that I had done everything I could for her at home. The first day of school, although an emotional one for my husband and I, she hardly looked back to say goodbye.

Mr. Lady
Whiskey In My Sippy Cup

I have no idea. What I DO know is that I didn’t send my kids until they were four, and they’re no farther behind or ahead of any of the kids in their classes, and they’ve never been. I am lucky enough to have never NEEDED daycare or preschool, though. I would guarantee you that if you lined up 10 adults, you couldn’t pick out which ones were in preschool and which ones weren’t.

McMommy
The McMommy Chronicles

Ok, am I going to look like the bad mother here because I shipped my then 3 year old off to school 5 mornings a week? And do we have to use the words “shipped off”? It makes me sound even more delinquent. I mean, really, I did feed him breakfast at least before I kicked him out of the minivan and peeled out of the school parking lot.

For the record ALL YOU GOOD MOMS OUT THERE, my son actually loved it. He begged to go “full days”. And this year? He’s going full days and begging me to stay for “after care”. So I don’t think he is going to be harmed at all by attending preschool 5 days a week. If anything, he’s going to surpass me in intelligence very soon.

These are all really good answers in my book. My own particular concern with preschool is weighing two responses to one main question. Does the child benefit more from the education or from additional time at home with his or her parent(s)? My daughter is still four, and I think we’re doing the right thing by having her in school. Yet I have always wondered if she is not so stubborn and so independent as a result of so much time away from home. Time will tell, I suppose. But at least I don’t feel like a jerk now!

Thanks to the Time Out panel for another great discussion! If you’d like to read more of their answers, click the link below for yesterday’s discussion.

Time Out – Frustration

-Matt
If you DO decide to send your child to school, you can get them great clothes here.

This is it! The very first installment of my weeklong series, Time Out. In case you missed my last post, I was lucky (or pathetic) enough to persuade five lovely moms to come graciously to my assistance by discussing their own experiences with parenting. Five moms, five questions, five different answers. One a day every day this week. It’s like NaBloPoMo, only more manageable and much more interesting. To learn a little more about the ladies on the panel, you can read up on them here. This is a big deal for me, so I encourage everyone to share their opinions and join in the discussion. Let’s rock the first question, shall we?

Throughout the lives of any of your children, what is the most irritating and frustrating challenge you have experienced in their upbringing? What techniques did/have you used to overcome it?

McMommy
The McMommy Chronicles

My most irritating and frustrating challenge is dealing with two potty-trained boys, their lack of attention to their aim, and my bathroom. I liken it to what I can only assume it must be like to live in a frat house. Or be the poor person who has to clean a bar bathroom Sunday morning.

Mr. Lady
Whiskey In My Sippy Cup

I have one kid that is me, exactly. And it’s the most annoying thing ever. I have to work very hard to not come down on him harder than my other children simply because I see my flaws in him. It’s hard to let him work his way through all of the crap I had to work my way through, independently. Because, really, no one ever wants to look into the mirror that shows them all their flaws, but I went and made one.

Kori Jones
See Kori Rant

My middle son Sam is so terribly bright, very funny, and a natural performer. The biggest frustration has been for me to find a way to challenge his intelligence and let him simply be who he IS, without placing my own expectations on him. At the same time, he is extremely hyper, he has asthma for which he takes medicine that makes him even more so, and he acts out. A lot. So for me, finding a balance between allowing him to express himself fully without crossing the line into outright awful behaviour is really hard. I imagine that Jim Carrey’s mom had the same problems:”Stop with the damn voices already and clean.your.room!” As for how I manage this? Poorly, most of the time. I find myself needing time outs from him on occasion, which doesn’t help the behavior any but allows me to calm down so that I don’t smother him in a fit of rage.

Aline Pfingsten
RedSparks

Potty training (or lack thereof) has been the biggest hurdle I have yet to cross. Boy was I wrong thinking that my daughter would be out of diapers at 2! HA! I thought once she got it, it’s done and over with but no. The potty is not our friend. I’ve gotten great advice; and I’ve read everything there is to know about the subject, yet we still have accidents from time to time. I made some mistakes along the way probably right at the beginning and I’m paying for them now. The kid is almost 5! It’s been frustrating especially when she’s home and avoids going to the bathroom, maybe on purpose? Maybe for attention. I’ve given up on it and don’t react. Somehow, someday she’ll get it.

Barbara Boucher
TherExtras

Meeting the teen years has been the most challenging for us. For something that took more than a decade to creep-up on us, the refusals and back-talking in a person near your own size was as sudden and crushing as a heart attack. Who are you and what have you done with my child?

We suffered greatly from children who did not want to get up in the morning. As with other misbehavior, it seemed like a judgment call every.single.day. To punish or not, that is the question.

How to overcome these stresses? Wait it out. I mean, there’s hope that the teen years will pass. I mean, each of us is proof of that, eh? Endure Persevere. Persevere in believing in yourself and your child’s ability to grow-up despite you because of every single decision you make.

Terrific answers, everyone, thank you. You notice how I led with this question? Not a coincidence. One of the things that I find most fulfilling about writing this blog is the interaction when it comes to this very topic. Whenever I feel like I’m at my wit’s end with my children, my blog is always here to let me know that I am, most certainly not alone. It’s tough, being in charge of someone’s life.

-Matt
This series isn’t about me, but I will say that browsing through the amazing selection of baby clothes at RedSparks, our online shop, always makes it all better.