The Playpen

A few posts ago, I wrote about something that happened to us, specifically Aline, that cause us a great deal of turmoil. Since then, she hasn’t been herself. She is angry, sad, insecure, confident, happy, lazy, energetic….pretty much a mess (sorry, Aline, its true.) I have been trying to help as much as I can, but I can’t help but feel that my efforts fall short of the saving grace, messiah-like effect that I expected (or wished) they would have on her.

So I decided to write her this letter. I am hoping that, by “putting myself out there” emotionally, and publicly, she will somehow feel that, no matter what happens, I will be there. I am also aware that I have a knack for presenting myself in a manner which could possibly persuade others think that I am next to godliness, which is about as close to the truth as Lindsey is to the Pope. Because she is feeling vulnerable, my wish is to humble myself as well, and perhaps her pity for my sorry state will somehow make her feel better.

Aline -

I am truly sorry you went (are going) through this experience. Please know that in no way do I hold you or your actions responsible for what happened. You are the foundation on which I attempt to build my life, and I would never hold anything over which you had no control against you. This occurrence gives us an opportunity for a fresh start…a chance to rebuild and regroup. I am looking forward to starting over; to “re-engaging” with a clean slate. One we can both feel comfortable and confident with. Although I would love to be one of those people who say “If I had it to do all over again, I wouldn’t change a thing,” I am not. There are many things I regret, and vow to do differently.

I will never drink heavily through a pregnancy or any rough or trying patch in our lives again.

I will do my best to not lose my temper, roll my eyes or lose patience with you or Frankie.

Even though I do blame your family for certain facets of our current situation, I know this is not fair. I will no longer resent you or them for this.

I will do my best to remain focused and involved in our family…even when I have had a long day.

I will show you that I am truly, completely, still “into” you. This has always been the case, but I know I haven’t been showing it as I used to.

I will acknowledge and support the work you do, both professionally and domestically, and will try to do at least the equal.

I will communicate better.

I will take better care of myself.

I will help you at least attempt to curb Frankie’s terrible twos, and threes and fours (continue as necessary).

I will restore your faith in me.

I will put you back up on the pedestal you deserve to be on.

You are a wonderful mother and wife…I could not ask for anything more. I look forward to a lifetime of memories (even the bad ones) with you and our daughter. If another child should enter our life, I will be happy, do my best to support you and our family, and will continue to strive to be the best husband and father I can be. This I CAN promise.

Your loyal and loving husband,
Matt

1. Jeremy (Discovering Dad) Says:
   May 5th, 2008 at 3:59 am

   Good promise Matt.



2. Hilda Says:
   May 5th, 2008 at 5:41 pm

   Hey Matt! I am 100% positive that you will keep your promises! There is no couple in the world that I love to see together! I send you both tons of love and am thrilled to soon celebrate you both on your upcoming anniversary.

   Love,

   Hbomb



3. MamiB Says:
   May 29th, 2008 at 9:47 pm

   Beautiful words and promises, & do not forget to also keep Faith not just in each other but in that Powerful Force that allows your family to be a reality.



4. The Playpen » Blog Archive » Emotional Roller Coaster Says:
   June 2nd, 2008 at 7:05 am

   [...] few weeks ago my husband Matt wrote a letter addressed to me that came out of the blue. That morning I stumbled on it and was immediately [...]