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A few weeks ago my husband Matt wrote a letter addressed to me that came out of the blue. That morning I stumbled on it and was immediately inspired to write him back. For a few weeks now I’ve been contemplating if I should post it. I have finally decided that I should.
May 3rd, 7:30AM
I woke up this morning and read a letter from my husband addressed to me on the playpen. I didn’t know it was there, I was surprised. There’s nothing like hanging yourself out there in the raw. I thank you for expressing yourself to me in this way. The first words I read in the morning are the ones I carry with me all day. This, I will remember for much longer. Your confessions of our recent dismay, and the rough patches we’ve had, seem bleak in comparison to what I feel for you and our family. I’m always surprised at how little it takes to put one’s situation into perspective.
I was overjoyed with your reaction the morning we got the blessed news. It was unexpected for both of us. I felt your pain and disappointment when our happy news (what felt like instantly) turned sour. Although I’ve struggled with the harsh reality, the vagueness of the outcome makes me ache in places I didn’t know existed. I’m not one to accept “it just happens” as an answer. Reading my emotions like an open book is not unusual for those who know me. I have a blunt knack of wearing it on my face and I don’t care to hide it. Vulnerable, that’s the state I call myself in these days. Disappointed, sad and somewhat angry. A lethal kind of angry, the kind you want to take a hammer to.
After such a long time of being worried and second guessing myself. And this happens. I feel emotionally empty handed. A broken egg, like the one we found on our porch a few days later; fallen out of it’s nest.
I’ll say this much to you. The right time will visit us again, we will be ready. And although never forgotten, our recent experience will throb only but dully, far far away.
I couldn’t imagine my life without your love and support. After all, the Sun wouldn’t rise without you by my side.
Aline
