This entry was posted on Tuesday, June 24th, 2008 at 5:58 pm and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
I’ve written a lot about my family, outlook on child-raising and random things that I think are funny. But let me begin this entry by telling you a bit about what I do (bear with me, my reason for doing this is forthcoming). I went to a fairly well-know art school in Los Angeles, where I studied Graphic Design. Since then, I have been working in Marketing and Creative Direction for about 11 years, and have been fortunate enough to move up the corporate food chain relatively quickly. I served my previous employer (Job #1) in this capacity for eight years, and have been at my current position for over two (Job #2).
Somewhere between the birth of my daughter and accepting the position at my current employer, I came to what I would call a life decision. You see, my rapid advancement at Job #1 allowed me to gain a better reputation, expand my resume and enjoy higher compensation, but it came with a price. In order to achieve those benefits, I became something I did not want to be. I became a politician. I positioned, self-promoted, strategized and campaigned against other individuals, eventually getting one of them fired so I could assume their role and expand my responsibilities. The rat race excited me…I can even say that I enjoyed it. The truth be told, I was good at it.
Then my daughter was born. Something clicked inside me and I was filled with shame and remorse. I realized that my co-workers were human beings. They had families. The very thing I was chastising them for (not dedicating heart, sole and any available free time to corporate capital gain), somehow made sense now. What the Hell was I doing? Granted, the individual I spoke of was let go for poor performance, but who was I to attempt to encourage that, when it might have happened on its own anyway?
Until recently, at Job #2, I have lived to a new standard. I have not, will not, engage in corporate politics. It’s been beneath me, and I’ve lived, worked and played with a sense of brotherly love for all my fellow human beings. I was the corporate Gandhi, dealing out forgiveness and tolerance like playing cards on the poker table of American business.
Then it happened.
A peer in my company decided to take issue with my performance. She decided to campaign against me, apparently hoping that if she spoke in a loud enough voice, her projects would miraculously rise to the top of my priority list, regardless of whether or not they belonged there. To my horror, it started working. I looked at her from across a conference table a week ago. Determined. Angry. Defiant. My God, she was me.
I realized that, for my own survival and protection, I had to slip back into that all-too-familiar territory of bobbing and weaving, campaigning and politicking. I had no choice. If I didn’t, she could potentially cause me to lose my job, which would be devastating to my family’s future. So I have, and can tell you quite matter-of-factly, that I will succeed in completely obliterating whatever seeds of suspicion she may have planted in people’s minds, and probably cause both of us a lot of unnecessary heartache in the process. How’s that for brotherly love?
When I came home last night, I spent a while looking at photos of my daughter. She is so happy. So innocent. Her face, in some recent shots of her in the pool, bears an expression of pure, uncontaminated joy – an expression my own face has not carried for a long, long time.
How do I raise her to succeed? I have two choices. I can raise her to ignore the motives and deception of others, rise above distrust and poor character and work and live to an idealistic standard, which will make her a much better person, but set her up for disappointment and make her vulnerable to the misdirected intentions of others. Or I can teach her how to manipulate, maneuver and use situations for personal advancement, how to use peoples personalities and weaknesses against them and how to protect herself by covering herself, which will probably allow her to follow the same career path I have, but set her up for the same self-evaluation and disappointment that I am experiencing now.
I hate no-win decisions.
Matt
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June 24th, 2008 at 6:42 pm
Great entry from a concerned parent
I think that as parents we are commonly faced with the “do I do it this way or that way” question. The mere fact that you are asking the question shows that you are a great parent.
Like you, she will probably end up with a little of both sides of the coin.
June 25th, 2008 at 5:29 am
isn’t there a “C” option available?
June 25th, 2008 at 5:28 pm
This is a great post! All of us parents are faced with decisions like this and often times we don’t know what to do so reaching out to others for advice is a great thing. I wish I could help you more but I think you should trust your instinct on this one.
June 26th, 2008 at 3:23 am
I agree with the previous 3 comments.
And, you do not have to decide today.
Perhaps the worst that will immediately happen is that you will spend less time with her trying to preserve your job. And, less time together - for a while - is survivable, for both of you.
Dancing in the corporate world is not the next developmental milestone. Really, if you know how to teach a child to do either of those two things, please write a book and I will buy it. My children are both teens, and I’m thinking I can give them the components, but whether they choose corporate-climbing-over-others or the high-moral-ground-of-deferrence - well, that’s part of adulthood - no?
Did your parents teach you to become a corporate climber?
I just think you are getting too far ahead of yourself. I hope that reassures you.
June 27th, 2008 at 4:17 am
Great post. I agree with Barbara, though. I don’t think I’m naive when it comes to corporate politics, but I can’t think of anything my parents did to encourage me in one direction or another. Encourage her to be a good person, but one who won’t be bulldozed. I don’t think there’s necessarily a trade-off there.
Good luck with your own battle at work.
June 27th, 2008 at 1:28 pm
This is tough. I was in the thick of corporate politics in my ‘past’ life and I had completely blocked it out of mind until your post (thanks
).
I think it’s important to teach your children to be good people and when they are older they should know it’s important to be able to look in mirror and know they did the right thing.
Really thought provoking.
(Happy POW!)
June 27th, 2008 at 3:45 pm
Excellent post. I, too, have BTDT.
How to raise her to succeed? Love her unconditionally for her entire life. I assure you she will then succeed, no matter what she does.
June 27th, 2008 at 8:45 pm
don’t forget that you’ll be looking in the mirror every day for the rest of your life. think about that as you adjust your newly discovered ethics standards back to something you seemingly weren’t very happy with. could there be more future regrets?
as a philosopher once said - “the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expected a different result.”
great post Matt.
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June 28th, 2008 at 6:20 pm
Wow! You’ve just made me ponder something I’ve never really stopped to think about before. It’s funny…we are always teaching our kids to “share” and “play nice” but you are right, we don’t want to teach them to get walked all over in life!!
I love a good “thinking” POW! Thanks!
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June 29th, 2008 at 7:06 pm
I was never good at the rat race and refused to play office politics from the start - not because I didn’t want to be successful, but because it just wasn’t ME. Still, somehow I’ve managed to work my way into a successful career just by being myself. I don’t know if it’s just dumb luck, or appreciation that people have for the fact that I openly say “I’m not going to play that game” - but it CAN be done.
I’m not saying t’s easy, and the truth is, I have been railroaded out of jobs before. But I’ve found that the jobs I left because of the rat race weren’t jobs that made me happy anyway, and they’ve led into other jobs that worked better for me.
It’s a big world out there, with a lot of different kinds of people, co-workers and employers. In my opinion, the best thing you can teach your daughter is to be herself, and to be proud of that - everything else will follow.
Great post!! Glad to have foun you through POW!
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July 1st, 2008 at 1:18 am
Matt! All this time I did not know you had a blog! I guess the first time I went to your site, I went to the commerce part. Sorry bout that!!
My opinion: PREPARE your child for the second scenario. TEACH the first. It’s kind of how I was raised. I tend to see the good, but brace for the bad.
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July 3rd, 2008 at 11:37 pm
This is such a great post! One to bookmark. I like BusyDad suggestion.
My parents never taught me anything about politicking in my job. They were “company” people…you do for the company and the company will take care of you, which is not the way of the current work world or the non profit world I work in.
As a girl, I did learn about this politicking more from junior high on. You learned how to seem agreeable and stick to your own guns in the same breath. It is hard…but it is the way of girls for the most part, esp. southern girls.
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