This entry was posted on Wednesday, August 6th, 2008 at 12:38 am and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
Today, my first post as a contributing author on Discovering Dad went live! If you haven’t checked out Jeremy’s site, I recommend it. It’s a fantastic resource for fathers and a wonderful community. The general theme of my post was coming to terms with the responsibility of being a new father, and what type of changes to expect.
I thought I would do a different version of that theme here on The Playpen from a more lighthearted perspective. So here they are. Matt’s top ten changes you can expect as a new father:
1. You will no longer blast your own music in your car. My iPod contains about 80 GB of music. Around 20 MB of that is my daughter’s. That 20 MB is played approximately 99.98% of the time. This rule also applies to your DVDs.
2. You will develop an affinity for fish sticks, mac-n-cheese and popsicles. You will also discover that you can make over 780 unique dishes using only these three ingredients and some chocolate sprinkles.
3. Three Words. Body. Mass. Index. Better hit the XXL section next time you’re at Target.
4. Increased estrogen level. I am sure there must be scientific evidence to support this. You will catch yourself speaking to your child in a feminine, high-pitched voice in places where it is not appropriate for a man do be doing so…like Best Buy.
5. You will lose all of your current knowledge of NFL football. Your child-less friends will have heated discussions about passer ratings, draft picks and the best blocking fullbacks in the league, and you will feel left out completely. In order to cover your embarrassment, you will blurt out something like “Yeah, well Swiper took a mitten today and I found it behind the tree in less than ten seconds!” This will eliminate your embarrassment as it will immediately sever your relationships with your child-less friends.
6. You will inevitably end up sitting alone on the couch watching Wonder Pets long after your child has gotten up and walked off. Why? Because Wonder Pets ain’t half bad.
7. You will redirect your competitive, alpha-dog nature from things like salary, car, house and flat screen TV to things like Diaper Genies, strollers and baby furniture. “Did you get a load of that wipe warmer that Steve and Jen had? It only had one temperature setting and didn’t even light up! Ours is so much better. I’ll bet they’ve noticed it, too.”
8. Your favorite room in the house will no longer be the TV room. Or the kitchen. It will be the bathroom. Why? Because you can read ESPN the Magazine in there and the door locks. Sanctuary.
9. Yes. Its true. You will begin to love, not like, LOVE the Olive Garden.
10. You will begin to wear the same clothes over and over again, no matter how much you told yourself you wouldn’t be “that dad”. The other day I was looking at a picture of my daughter at 10 weeks old (over three years ago). Slowly, my eyes went down to the shirt I was wearing, then back to the picture, then back to the shirt. Yup.
Matt
Stop by and check out our Summer Sale…up to 60% off select clothing and gifts for baby girls and boys!
August 6th, 2008 at 1:20 am
Bwahahahaha!
Wonderpets. That’s EXCELLENT.
Mr Ladys last blog post..Hey, Baby…Are You A Member of the Mile High Club?
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August 6th, 2008 at 2:55 am
So true! I was watching Wonder Pets last night and realized I was the only one in the room…and the Olive Garden rocks!
Jeremy (Discovering Dad)s last blog post..You Are Not Peter Pan Anymore
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August 6th, 2008 at 3:53 am
Sorry…no wonderpets in our home, instead we have backyardigans, mickey mouse clubhouse and of course Dora. Great stuff on both sites! Look forward to working with you over at DD!
Dad of Divass last blog post..Wordless Wednesday #13 – (4/365) – A Mother’s Love
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August 6th, 2008 at 8:23 pm
I’m so sick of Wonderpets. I think I’ve seen very episode 10 times. Do you ever find yourself singing the theme song to that show and the Backyardigans while at the office or in the car? I hate to admit it, but I know all the words. Call me a dedicated dad.
VegasDads last blog post..four-letter fun
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August 7th, 2008 at 4:29 pm
That cracks me up. I have already sensed the change and the only thing I will fight off is the BMI. Have lost my baby weight and I refuse to put it back on. Hot Daddy here I come.
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August 8th, 2008 at 8:15 pm
Matt,
This post…..ROCKS!!!!!!!!
Love it when you bring out the comedy on us!!
McMommys last blog post..The Pitter-Patter of Little…POW!
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August 9th, 2008 at 1:12 am
Hey, you get to go to the bathroom alone! It’s like a field trip for the kids when Mommy has to go to the bathroom. So jealous!
Oh, this is all so very true. Every. Last. Word!
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August 11th, 2008 at 10:04 pm
Hahaha, that’s awesome and it explains some things about my own dad back in the day.
maggies minds last blog post..Miss Me While I’m (Maybe) Gone
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August 12th, 2008 at 6:26 pm
BWAHAHAHAHAHAA and Boohooboohooo… because these are all painfully funny. And sadly true. Outback Steakhouse – BIG booths where your kid can roam and make noise. Macaroni Grill – paper tablecloths and crayons. And I have to say, along with grilled cheese and mac n cheese making a revival in my daily menu: hot dog on a stick and happy meals.
BusyDads last blog post..Even PETA People Would Laugh
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August 23rd, 2008 at 8:59 pm
classic! another one on the list – finding creative ways to avoid changing poopie diapers, like pretending not to smell it or bolting from the room when you do. yeah, i said poopie.
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