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A while ago, a blog friend of mine made a random comment on their site that, for whatever reason, I cannot seem to shake. It wasn’t meant to be taken seriously, but it was just one of those things that sort of opened my eyes to a new perspective and made me think. My interpretation of the comment was that putting a child into preschool too soon is not only not a benefit to a kid, but could also be damaging to them from an emotional and developmental standpoint.
My daughter starts preschool in a week. She is three-and-a-half years old. In order to make a clean comparison, lets take finances out of the mix. Granted, there are many people out there for whom anything but preschool for their children is not fiscally viable (how’s THAT for a sentence!) As U.S. home values drop, inflation increases and expenses rise, both parents must work to make ends meet. For the purpose of my question you will ultimately read at the bottom of this post (I hope), I’d like to exclude this group from the debate.
I am interested in other reasons parents may have for sending or not sending their children to Pre-K. In our case, we feel that our daughter needs it, and can benefit greatly from it. She is a bit ahead of the curve intelligence-wise, yes…at least for now. But, that aside, we have simply come to the realization that we are NOT the type of parents who can devote every hour of every day to nurturing our daughters creative, analytical and behavioral growth. Before you judge that statement, let me also say that we are good parents. We spend a lot of time with her, and I know for a fact that anyone coming in from the outside to observe would agree that she is being raised well. But we simply can’t offer her the stimulation that a structured, scholastic environment can. Is “scholastic” to heavy a word for a preschooler? I don’t think so. Her classroom has computers. There is a complete library with a preschool section and reading days every Friday. Tuesdays are art. Thursdays are music. There is cooking, theater, organized sports, even swimming. HOW, pray tell, would two lowly individuals like ourselves possibly be able to expose her to that type of diversity? They study ABC’s, learn the Pledge of Allegiance, foreign language…oh, did I mention that they play outside all the time too? Not only will she love it, but she will be challenged, and she enjoys challenge. I recently bought her a new ABC puzzle. She spent HOURS with me doing it over and over until she had almost all of them (has anyone seen the “S”, by the way?). Personally, I can see no better way of keeping her entertained, motivated and focused than preschool, and stand by our decision to send her. (I didn’t even touch on the socialization aspects of it…how many playdates can one person REALLY set up on their own?).
The counterpoint to this argument is one shared by many of my close friends. They believe that birth through, say, four years old is bonding time for the children and the parents. That those years should be devoted to play, development and discipline in the home. They feel, I think, that the child should not be made to be away from home for long periods of time, and that the home environment and consistent presence of the parents is far more beneficial to a child during these early years when children are so impressionable. Preschool, for them, is more damaging than good in that it takes away the opportunity for the parents to instill the character traits they wish onto their children and places it firmly in the hands of people they do not know. They often feel that parents who do put their kids into Pre-K are guilty of hyper parenting, and place unnecessary and undue stress and expectations on children who are not yet emotionally ready to carry that burden.
Clearly, you know which side of the argument I fall into. You will never convince me that my daughter will not be happier, more well-rounded and more successful in life (not only financially, but emotionally as well) if she is exposed to more, learns more and processes more from her current age on. But I am also aware that there are billions of intelligent and creative people who have very happy and comfortable lives who didn’t attend one hour of preschool growing up.
My final question is simple. Do three and four-year-old children benefit more from early education or from the continuing attention, love and comfort they receive at home? I know what the statistics say, but there IS more to life than the right college or perfect career. What do you think?
Matt
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August 22nd, 2008 at 7:14 pm
My daughter won’t turn 3 until October and she just moved up to the Pre-school room at her day care. Today is her first day in the room and I’d classify it as a pre-pre-pre-school room since she will move up into 2 more rooms before she starts big school.
I’m on the side that it’s good for them. Don’t let anyone make you feel like a bad parent - my daughter is around natural teachers and other children all day and gets more out being there than she would at home.
Tyler @ Building Camelots last blog post..55 More Awesome Sites for Guys, Husbands and Dads
August 22nd, 2008 at 8:13 pm
I can’t answer the question really, we homeschool. So really, I wouldn’t send any of mine to school.
I have a friend who sends her daughter to school because her mother sees the benefits of her daughter learning to play with other kids, besides mom.
So I say you can’t beat staying home. It really sounds like you’re teaching her all the things she’s learn at school. except maybe for sharing of germs and learning the school routine.
I really just dropped in to thank Aline for her comment.
Nice to meet you.
August 22nd, 2008 at 8:40 pm
Check out the Finnish school system. It might give you some insight into your dilemma.
August 22nd, 2008 at 9:36 pm
Matt,
I think it comes down to the individual child. And the individual parent.
My boys never saw the inside of a daycare/preschool/whatever. And they TOTALLY COMPLETELY envied their friends who did. I was an excellent mother to them, they learned a ton at home, and they had fun. They didn’t need preschool, and only wanted it in relation to their friends stories. But, in the end, I wasn’t enough. Day one of preschool at age four and they were hooked. I am so happy to have had four solid years at home with them, but I think maybe that was selfish of me, now that they’re older and I see it more clearly. Maybe, MAYBE, I’m not sure, but maybe they missed out on something. But they did have each other, and so weren’t totally socially stuck with only two adults all day.
Now, my two year old? She NEEDS preschool. She craves it. Every day when the boys go to school, she cries, “Momma, I go baby school!” She is more or less and only child, with brothers so much older than her (a decade). She is not socialized like they were. She has no concept of sharing, of allotted times for things. All our structure is built around school and homework and choir and track and the science fair. This kid, at not even three, can say her alphabet, count to thirty, in english AND spanish, and is starting to play-read. Because that’s the level this house runs on. She is learning from her brothers, and I think I am doing her a large disservice by keeping her at home with me. I, unfortunately, just cannot afford to put her in preschool this year, so she’ll have to wait. I’m not kidding when I say that I’ve thought about getting a job just to cover her preschool expenses.
Also, on a side note, 10 years into staying home with kids? I really need a day off. I would LOVE to drop the kids at daycare and go get a haircut. 10 years of small children 24-7 is, in my opinion, just too much for anyone.
Sorry about the novella.
August 22nd, 2008 at 11:33 pm
I can see positives and negatives in placing kids in pre-school. Our two-year-old son is in pre-pre school and I believe it has benefited him in many ways, including social development and recognizing diversity. He absolutely loves going to “school.”
On the flipside he has learned some not-to-nice things, such as inappropriate languange. I actually wrote on my blog today about how he called his mom and me stupid last night. We don’t use that word and the only place he could have heard it was at school. You definitely lose that control over what your child is exposed to when he/she is not in your care.
Overall though, I believe the benefits outway everything else.
VegasDads last blog post..a night in the er
August 23rd, 2008 at 12:21 am
I can see both sides, but personally, I’m not a big fan of daycare centers or preschools in general, but I’m also not a parent, and I do think that different kids and different families benefit from different things, and for some that includes preschool.
Maggie’s Minds last blog post..Haiku Friday 8/22/08 - Part Four
August 23rd, 2008 at 3:39 am
For a non-parent, Maggie gets it right and succinctly. [How did 6 people get in comments before me?! Seems like I check your site hourly...well, that may be an exaggeration. Texans exaggerate by birthright.] I digress.
For all the reference of statistics and the Finnish school system, ultimately, it’s your decision and your family will feel the consequences. I support whatever you decide. If you and Aline think the particular preschool is not working for her or your family, pull her out.
And with reference to preschool being a negative experience for children - only if it is mandated for everyone. That’s a whole different mindset than you making the choice yourself, and likely the source of some of the talk, absolutely, for either side of the question.
Barbaras last blog post..Meaningful Housekeeping
August 23rd, 2008 at 11:54 am
We sought a balance when presented with this question.
We enrolled our 3 yr old in a 2-day a week pre-school program. This was for the socialization and structure as we were doing a fine job nurturing her creative and intellectual side.
We would have never enrolled her in a 4 or 5 day program because we did not want the outside influences to become greater (in her mind) that the influences at home. This is around the type of thing VegasDad mentions. We wanted to make sure we had the opportunity to respond and correct any bad or inappropriate behavior before sending her back.
I believe this strategy worked out well as she has done this 2 day program for almost a year and begins formal pre-school in only a couple of weeks, on the eve of her 4th birthday. We feel she is better equipped to judge right from wrong and can handle some of the difficult social issues like bullying and peer pressure.
Great topic Matt. Good luck!
Chcuks last blog post..a season of lasts
August 24th, 2008 at 12:30 pm
I agree with Maggie. Different children have different needs. As the parent make your choices for your little one based on what is BEST for them and your family.
I am a homeschool mom of 3. But I am wise enough to know that homeschool is not BEST for every child and family. Just like public and private is not best for every child and family. That is why we have choices.
Take Care and Enjoy.
Monkey Giggless last blog post..I heart Brown & Aqua
August 25th, 2008 at 8:07 pm
I do 1 year of preschool for my children. So, from 4-5, basically. They have gone 3 days a week, which works best for our family. I basically think of preschool and then kindergarten as stepping stones for them and the parents to slowly separate. To have independence but on a smaller scale than full-on elementary school.
While I don’t fault you for wanting to put your daughter into 3 year old preschool, and I am sure she will have a BLAST, I prefer to keep them home as long as possible. I just think of the years and YEARS and years of school ahead of them, and have to allow them one more year of freedom. A chance to be bored and just use their imaginations (not that they don’t have free play at school.)
Plus? I’m selfish and want my babies to babies as long as possible!
traceys last blog post..So. What do YOU think?
August 26th, 2008 at 5:50 pm
My wife and I run a preschool. My wife has been a teacher for twenty years, her specialty is in early childhood education, and was a multiple recipient of the teacher of the year award for her entire district before she left. I cannot imagine a better teacher for our children. Still, we send them to preschool.
It is important for a child to have outside perspective; government not created by their parents; a social circle not designed at home; a place to practice all the things they learn at home. As long as they are getting the love they need at home, then the experience can help to refine them into a better person. Life is about different experiences, and that doesn’t start when they’re five.
I don’t promote my site in the comment sections. Ever. But I think you might like a post I have called, “Glad to have him home.”
Every family’s different; that’s what makes it your own. Don’t allow anyone to second guess what you feel is right for your family. Best of luck, and have a great week.
August 28th, 2008 at 5:48 am
our 3 year daughter starts pre school next week. We have been very lucky because we are one of those families that needs 2 incomes and my daughter comes to work with me. This has been amazing but we have both noticed that she needs more. She needs the social interaction and a school enviornment. She is an only child and really could benefit from the exposure to other kids. Basically the kid needs to be around kids and not adults all day. Also we know where “s” went……S went surfing! (title of a wonderful childrens book we picked up four our daughter in Hawaii!)
Punk rock moms last blog post..I am very sick today
September 13th, 2008 at 2:12 am
I have a little experience with two very different systems: In my part of England, children start school in the term in which they are four. Full time. WAAAAY too early for me. In Quebec, where I now live, kindergarten starts the September following the fifth birthday… which is nice, but no matter how active a mother you are, I’ve found my children need something extra. I have four under the age of 7, by the way.
So, I’ve been lucky enough to have a small pre-pre-school, and an equally small pre-school in our very, very small local town, where they go for three or four mornings a week, just three hours. Perfect for them, and for me.
December 28th, 2008 at 12:30 am
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