My husband on the other hand, grew up in a pretty conservative family, not legalistic or judgemental, they just didn’t drink in front of their kids. They raised three awesome children who didn’t touch or taste alcohol until they were of legal drinking age. My husband didn’t try it until we started dating. Their parents were very open with them and talked to them about the consequences (they also were very honest about sex and how emotionally scarring it can be for a young woman to have sex outside of marriage).

My husband and I drink wine and beer several times a week (not to get drunk) and my three year old is FASCINATED. Why is it just for grown-ups? We are planning on not consuming in front of our kids (as soon as we finish off the wine my dad bottled and the case of beer my husband has) and to honestly tell them both of our experiences.

It is scary, I am just hoping that investing in a good relationship with each of them and strong communication will foster a healthy and wise attitude.

Another family that has raised five very wise, healthy and emotionally sound children gave us the advice to spend quality one-on-one time with each child monthly or weekly (if you only have a couple kids). All five of these adults have PhD’s or master’s degrees and are raising their own families. Btw, they raised them in Miami (not in a small po-dunk town).

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I think I fall into lie, lie, and lie harder camp, myself.

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I only drank once during high school (college was another story!) and the only drug I have tried is marijuana…again during my college years. My high school had a very strict no tolerance policy. Anyone caught using alcohol, on or off of school property, was not allowed to participate in extracurricular activities. I had such a fear I would be kicked of the cheer squad or softball team that I did not touch the stuff. I think that with my kids, my plan is to instill some type of similar fear in them.

As far as disclosing to my kids what we have experimented with. We drink wine at home occasionally and also live in a very social neighborhood where margaritas in a neighbors driveway on a Friday night is a common occurrence. So at this point, she would not buy that I have never tried alcohol. But I will probably maintain to her that I did not drink until I was 21! As far as admitting that I have smoked pot…no way!

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My wife and I have talked about this general topic, and we’re hoping to take it day by day, in the sense that our children’s maturity level will determine the reasons given for why they should abstain from drinking/drugs/sex until they’re more mature and responsible.

I started having some beers very occasionally when I was in junior high. The only drug I’ve ever taken was weed and even then, it wasn’t until my junior or senior year in high school. I’m betting my chips on being able to honestly tell my kids about my experiences with these things.

I know I can’t control what they do, just as my parents couldn’t control what I did, but at least we as parents can prepare them ahead of time and let them know the bad (and good) things that come as a result of those choices.

We, ironically, just had this talk with my 15-year-old sister-in-law a couple of months ago because she was asking questions about these things. I guess that was a good “trial run” of this future conversation with our kids.

Next, read my page on Reading Research. Data degrades over time ~ meaning the research you just quoted may have no meaning by the time it really applies to Frankie.

Next, read the blog Slurping Life today for a post on lying to your children, for more ideas on how to practice doing that.

How did your friends whose parents were honest turn out?

You know what I’m gonna say next….I support whatever decision you make for your child.

Man, you make me nervous about this and my daughter is only 7 months old! And trust me I have a flare for the dramatic too. Talk about a vexing plague to have. Anyway, I’ll have to give this some thought because I’m not sure which method we’ll use. My parents were very open about their experiences and I respected/felt comfortable talking about anything and everything with them. On the other hand, my husband’s family doesn’t talk about anything. Good thing we have a bit of time on our hands. Now the sleepless nights can begin!

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I will be telling my kids that I’ve never done drugs (true) because I have two holes in my heart and drugs would kill me (double true) and that my heart condition is hereditary (false) and that they very well may have the same problem (way false) so they’d better just stay away.

And then I will tell them why they’ll never meet their Aunt Beaner (you remember that post, right?) and hope it scares them as much as it scared me.

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