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A few weeks ago we were driving my daughter home from preschool. As we were talking to her about her day, a little drama began to unfold.
Me: So what else did you do today, sweetie?
Daughter: Nothing. That’s it.
Wife: So was it a good day or what?
Daughter: No.
Me: Why not…did something bad happen? (my first reaction to almost any negative statement from my daughter)
Daughter: Yeah. Peyton hit me and knocked me down.
Wife: Ohhh….that’s not very nice of her. Why would she do that?
Frankie: Not she, mommy. He.
Wife: Oh, well I ju….
Me: Nonononononononono….hold up a sec here! I got this. Peyton is a boy? A boy hit you at preschool and knocked you down? Lemmie tell you what you do in this situation. You listening? The next time little Pick-On Girls-Peyton hits you, you smash him right in the face as hard as you can…you got that? And if he falls down kick him. Twice!
Daughter: (happily excited): Yeah, Daddy!!!!
Wife:…………
Me: (looking proudly at wife): See? That’s how you play that. No stupid kid is gonna get one over on MY little girl. Punk. He’s lucky I…….
Me: (looking at wife again): Babe? What??
It occurred to me that it may be possible that I had slightly overreacted with my response. After my wife explained that she thought it might have been better to suggest that, at 3 years old, my daughter simply go to the teacher and explain what had happened I realized that, once again, my man-sense may have gotten the best of me.
But then I started really thinking about it. IS going to the teacher the right thing to do? Shouldn’t she be taught to stand up for herself? A parent or a teacher won’t always be around, you know? I took martial arts for a couple of years. Busy Dad could knock me out over the phone, but I did learn that, if you can’t avoid it, and are absolutely in harms way, make sure you put them in harm’s way first. Do enough damage to make sure you are safe, then walk away. To me, that is what I would like my daughter to learn as well. The more I thought about it, the more I stood by my original reaction (not the vernacular, mind you, but the concept).
I also considered that, if I had a son instead, and a girl hit him and knocked him down, my response would have been much different. Clearly, there is a lot of gray area here, and I am interested in how you would have (or have already) handled these types of situations with your own children. Let the authorities handle it, or handle it themselves?
Oh and, by the way? Peyton? You’re goin’ down.
Matt
The RedSparks Summer Sale is over. We will be launching our brand new fall collection later this week, so you still have a few days to take advantage of the last summer savings. Stop by and rummage through our stuff!
October 1st, 2008 at 2:28 am
Alternate title: Frankie receives her first lesson in corporate-ladder-climbing from Dad.
Barbaras last blog post..Angels In My Home
October 1st, 2008 at 4:25 am
First rule of playground fight club is you don’t talk about playground fight club…
Couldn’t resist, sorry.
Ok, my way of dealing with this would have been no different than yours. I have told my son since he was 2 that you NEVER hit first, but you make damn sure you hit last. And if you get sent to the principal’s office, then so be it. I will pick you up and take you out for ice cream.
Being able to fight your own battles is a skill that carries you FAR beyond fisticuffs on the schoolyard. It ensures that you stand up for yourself at school, at work and in your community. In life, there’s not always a “teacher” to tell.
Another thing that goes hand in hand with this is to leave it in the ring. Once the fight is over, you’re cool. You’ve had it out. Many people think it’s wrong that I have taken my son to my fights, as well as fighting events in general, but my answer is this: if he is accustomed to seeing two people beat the crap out of each other and then hug and pat each other on the back when it is all said and done, that is a good thing. A VERY good thing.
Third thing. Know your strength. Once my kid is old enough to follow directions, he’s joining my kickboxing gym or my buddy’s Brazilian Jiu Jitsu gym. I do see the benefit of martial arts like Karate and Tae Kwon Do for discipline and athletics, but to me, being able to fight full contact from day one does two things: you fully understand your own strength (so you know if you are hurting someone and also when to stop hurting someone) AND so you aren’t freaked out the first time you REALLY get hit. No matter how much theoretical combat you do, if you have never been full-on hit or choked, your body WILL freak out the first time it happens to you.
Fourth rule. NEVER hit a girl. Under any circumstances.
Sorry… was that longer than the original post? That’s what you get for posting something about fighting
BusyDads last blog post..The Adventures of Agent 00Fury
October 1st, 2008 at 5:01 am
I’m not a parent, but in my opinion standing here on the outside, your reaction was that of a responsible parent. Your little girl needs to know and understand that she deserves not to be hit, especially by a boy(!) and to feel that she is empowered to solve problems if need be. Sure, if there is a teacher nearby who would likely do the right thing and blah, blah, blah, that’s all good, too, but this is bigger than that, and I applaud you for teaching your daughter to have some balls.
Maggie’s Minds last blog post..Shaken, Smoothed, Poured Over Espresso
October 1st, 2008 at 3:58 pm
I would have reacted the same way. A kid has to be able to defend her/himself. You don’t want the kid to grow up to be a pushover that’s not afraid to stand up against a bully.
VegasDads last blog post..a restless night
October 1st, 2008 at 8:11 pm
BusyDad, Matt’s response was much better-sized for a 3-year-old. And I stand by my implication of the long term effects of responses made to 3-year-olds.
Barbaras last blog post..Angels In My Home
October 2nd, 2008 at 1:29 am
It’s a tough call, but think I’d have to agree with Aline’s approach. While if I was in your shoes, my first reaction would probably be to tell my daughter to kick his arse! However, after I calmed down a bit I think that it’s not necessarily the right approach in this situation. Mainly because if someone hits you, and you hit them back, then you’ll both be punished in a school setting equally. I am sure that in preschool hitting is not as serious of an offense, but in my daughter’s elementary school anyone who is caught physically fighting is suspended.
Blessings From Aboves last blog post..Toddler Time
October 2nd, 2008 at 5:36 pm
I wish I could help you with Chick-fil-a ordering, but the closest one to me is an hour away. Michigan is no-good for many reasons but #1: no chick-fil-a.
There needs to be a Chick-fil-a online ordering process.
alexs last blog post..Random things that make me Happy
October 2nd, 2008 at 6:18 pm
What awesome commenters you have here. Wink. Love them.
It is always a tough call… but I can’t believe a boy did it. Did you talk to the teacher?
OHmommys last blog post..The School Bus Bully
October 3rd, 2008 at 4:51 pm
**Sigh** I am on both sides of this. I say the first time, you tell teacher/adult, the next time, I WILL talk to your teacher, after that…I don’t know what I would do. Good luck!
KD @ A Bit Squirrellys last blog post..Play Titled: What the Hell? or Morning In Squirrelly-Ville
October 4th, 2008 at 4:51 am
That was an incredibly funny post. If my mom or dad had ever reacted like that, I might have actually done it. I was always a tough, mentally and physically, and I never understood people would want me to go to the teacher. I mean “Hey, I can fight my own battles.”
Daniel Allen / The Efficiancy Proposals last blog post..The Importance of Carrying A Notebook and Logging Your Thoughts
October 4th, 2008 at 10:09 am
as soon as I stop laughing… I’ll let you know what I’ve done.
But that may take a while…
in the mean time… you go girl!
rachels last blog post..Weekend Work Force!
October 4th, 2008 at 4:29 pm
My husband would have said the exact same thing.
It’s tricky this parenting lark.
carols last blog post..Let Me Educate You
October 5th, 2008 at 12:59 am
Well OKAY!! Just a little over the top Dad. All that at 3? Funny, but not exactly the best way to keep your little miss in a good school. LOL!