The Playpen

I tend to be a little over-analytical when it comes to evaluating and carrying out various parenting techniques. The part of parenthood that continues to elude me is the proverbial Middle Ground. By this I mean that I am simply not clear on where that fine line between discipline and whatever the antonym for discipline is lies. I frequently become bent out of shape when things don’t go exactly my way. Not the best characteristic to carry with oneself into battle with a preschooler.

That being said I have been making a substantial effort to keep that part of my personality in check, and to give my daughter some breathing room, while at the same time making sure she understands the difference between right and wrong. It’s a balance issue. I don’t do balance well. One or the other of the weighing pans attached to the scale of my personality is always slamming onto the ground while the other is rocketed into the stratosphere. This past week, however, I was reminded of an invaluable tool that can be used over and over again throughout the child-rearing process that yields extremely positive results with regard to this concept almost every time. Family.

My sister lives back in my hometown, and we get to see each other once a year on average, twice if the planets align. But even with her visits occurring infrequently, they are always a huge eye-opener to me. We just completed one such visit and it was a joy to have her in our company. Things just become more do-able when you have the love, support and assistance of family members. Through a little babysitting, some stimulus and input from a source other than just ourselves and just some plain old-fashioned laughter, everything seems to work better. Basically, surrounding oneself with family members leads to a great number of positive results in my daughter and, my wife and me:

1. We become a bit more sane by simply having 3 hours in a restaurant alone together, leading to more patience and logic when dealing with tantrums, fits and pee pee pants.

2. My daughter has a new audience, which allows her to express herself a bit more and showcase things she enjoys doing or playing with.

3. My daughter exhibits the pleasant side of her personality more, almost showing off a little, rather than consistently engaging us in power struggles.

4. The overall home environment takes on a more relaxed feel.

5. Most importantly, at least to me, We are provided with VALIDATION. I think as parents we can sometimes become so wrapped up in the bubble of raising a child that we forget that its just plain HARD, and that we are not necessarily failing or making mistakes, we are just faced with a tremendous amount of challenge on a daily basis. With apologies to my sister, it was actually kind of nice to see her groggy in the morning, rubbing her eyes and saying “Now I understand why you go to bed so early. There really isn’t any break or rest, is there? You just have to keep on going no matter how tired you are.” Bingo.

I believe that the involvement of family in the upbringing of children is one of the simplest and best things that can be done for both parent and child. It is a win-win for all parties involved, and I recommend it wholeheartedly. The truth is, we are all human. We all have limits and we all break down. Family can support us, provide unbiased feedback and have an incredibly positive impact on everyone involved.

Thanks, sis. We’ll miss you.

Love, Matt, Aline and Frankie.

Yes, we know our baby boutique, RedSparks, went down for THREE DAYS. Its back up now, so feel free to go do some shopping.

1. Maggie's Mind Says:
   February 5th, 2009 at 12:48 am

   I’ve often thought that if kids were an option, I’d head back to where family is for many of the reasons you mentioned.

   [reply]



2. Anonymous Says:
   February 11th, 2009 at 2:46 pm

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