This entry was posted on Thursday, February 12th, 2009 at 5:32 am and is filed under Family Stuff, The Preemie Adventure. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
The first time around I was admittedly not as supportive or understanding of my wife’s condition as I should have been. Many times I was downright insensitive. I didn’t really understand what it meant to be lugging a human around all day, and I should have made a bit more of an effort. This time, with my wife five months along with our second, I still don’t understand it. But what I do know is that there are several simple rules to follow that make things a lot easier on her and, subsequently, on me. Keep in mind that this is not intended to come off as an “I’m a great husband” post, I think we all know that statement is true about 10% of the time. Its just the only place I can write my list where I know I won’t lose it and can refer back to it on a daily basis.
1. Don’t just do the laundry. Fold it. I have learned that the act of placing the laundry into the washing machine, removing it, putting it into the drier, turning it on and walking away does not in fact help, but rather leaves the worst part of the task for the wife. If you can’t finish what you started, leave it in the basket until you can. Oh, and leaving it in a big pile on the dresser is bad, too. You’ve gotta fold it. Even the whites.
2. Dishes. Same concept here. It turns out that operating the dishwasher, while it may seem like a heroic task to us, isn’t really that big of a deal. I have yet to meet a woman, let alone a pregnant one, who isn’t driven up the wall by having to put away the clean dishes. You can’t put big pans or Pyrex dishes on top of smaller ones in the cabinets either. Take your time, pull them all out, and nest them. She will glow.
3. Give her some alone time when she needs it. This is a tough one. It seems like most guys are either too hands off or too doting, and it can be difficult to determine when your hormonal spouse wants to be alone or is simply testing your psychic ability. You will never ever know which one is true at any given moment, so just be sure to talk about wanting to give her space a lot so she at least knows you are trying to wrap your feeble brain around the concept. She’ll still think you are an idiot, but she will love you more.
4. Help her out with the other kids. This one relates in some way to number three, except that it is almost always a good thing. Hard to go wrong with this one. Sure, she loves her children and sure, she’ll want to hang out with them, play with them and sing them bedtime lullabies, but not as much as she normally would. It can be difficult to fully understand why your wife would want time away from your well-behaved, cherub-like, almost angelic offspring so try this technique. Imagine yourself alone with your wife in The Savannah about to be attacked by a pack of stinky, shrieking hyenas who’s primary goal is to completely devour you both. You, and you alone, must protect her. She will owe you her life and you will feel like Crocodile Dundee.
5. The last, and most difficult task on the whole list. Whatever you do to help around the house, you must do it on HER schedule and without her asking. Fail at either of this conditions and you will be worse off than you would have been had you not performed the task in the first place. If you are anything like me, when you say that you will take out the trash, you have truly committed yourself to taking out the trash. In a day or two. For whatever reason, simply knowing that you intend to perform such a heroic feat sometime in the next month and not right this second is not viewed by pregnant women as a positive. Personally, with a nod to my competitive nature, I rush to carry out any particular chore as quickly as possible, then smugly show my wife what I have done with a loud “hahHAH!” Picking up the dog poop in the back yard just before she has had a chance to chastise me for not doing it shows me that I am in control of the household, and that I have won.
My recommendation is to forgo the 200-page books dealing with the best way to handle your pregnant spouse. Just follow these five basic steps and you will come out on the other side happy, confident and with all your limbs and organs intact. Of course, I do accept the possibility that I may have left something out, so feel free to drop me a comment and let me know what I missed.
-Matt
The new baby merchandise at our online shop, RedSparks will be going up in a matter of days. Be sure to click through and check out all the good sale stuff.
February 12th, 2009 at 2:56 pm
I think that this is good advice to husbands even if your wife is not pregnant.
Good post.
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February 12th, 2009 at 5:43 pm
I agree with Christopher. Even though I don’t have a spouse. Nor am I pregnant thank you baby Jebus. But if a guy came into my house and washed, dried, and folded the laundry? Three seconds before I totally flipped out and turned into that thing from alien? I would be his love slave for freaking life.
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February 12th, 2009 at 6:15 pm
Well first off, the TITLE of this post is just screaming for a WTF were you thinking moment.
Other than that Matt, you’re golden buddy.
Oh wait, give her control of the remote. That always makes me feel better.
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February 12th, 2009 at 6:46 pm
Am I the only one concerned here?
Obviously Matt was kidnapped in the middle of the night and returned brainwashed.
Hello, kidnappers? Are you listening? Do you think you can come over here to the McHouse to work on my husband next??
McMommys last blog post..Do you have Blog Questions for Me?
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February 12th, 2009 at 9:10 pm
Author’s Note: In the spirit of full disclosure, there are currently several unwashed dishes in the sink and a pile of clean laundry thrown on the dresser. Kori, if that guy ever shows up, send him my way. McMommy and I can split his time!
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February 13th, 2009 at 12:58 pm
Very insightful Matt! I’m with McMommy on this one. A kidnapping is the only solution to this bizarre clairvoyance. I think I’ll “accidentally” leave this up for my husband to read.
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February 19th, 2009 at 5:21 am
You should add especially in the first trimester: get the other kid(s) up and changed and fed breakfast while the wife sleeps just a little longer. This is the single most fabulous thing my husband can do for me. Better than scrubbing toilets, cleaning the cat box and changing almost every poopie diaper since I got pregnant combined. I almost want to stay pregnant forever just for that extra 60-90 minutes of sleep in the am!!!
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February 22nd, 2009 at 4:00 pm
VERY good, thorough, yet not too complicated list. All dads-too-be should have it.
Let me give a little insight here. It’s very uncomfortable to load and unload the dishwasher while pregnant. Same goes for getting things in and out of the dryer and the laundry basket (unless it’s up high). Making another human is more exhausting than you could ever imagine. Mustering the energy to hug your kids is difficult. I won’t even get into the hormone thing. Just know you done good. Congratulations and best wishes on your newest addition.
kellie
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July 8th, 2009 at 6:37 pm
I am using this for a health assignment, but how much weight can a pregnant woman gain over the 9 months of pregnancy?
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May 7th, 2010 at 10:43 pm
I’m a wife myself, and this brought back memories of when I was pregnant and scared myself. If your pregnant and scared, give the Pregnancy Fear eBook a try. I love the author and she really knows her stuff.
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