This entry was posted on Thursday, March 19th, 2009 at 12:00 am and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
I have no business writing about this topic whatsoever, as I am not yet in possession of my second child. I’m going to go ahead and write about it anyway because I am a know-it-all and because it seems like a pretty good headline from an SEO point of view. Kidding. No I’m not.
I made a lot of mistakes during Aline’s first pregnancy with my daughter. First and foremost was not being completely engaged or having a full understanding of what she was going through. While this was in part due to typical male Peter Pan-esque characteristics, I also believe that it was because I had not planned or prepared myself in the least. Typically, most of the focus is on the woman. I am, of course, not going to attempt to compare the male and female roles or discomforts during pregnancy, I’m neither that stupid nor suicidal. What I would like to address, however, is the importance of taking the steps necessary while things are still relatively calm to prepare yourself to be a better husband and father once the second one arrives.
1. Take a look at your man-chore list (also sometimes referred to as a honeydo list) and do it. With a new baby in the house, that stuff will never get done so, unless you’re comfortable having a large hole in the roof where possums and raccoons can enter and exit at will, pausing only long enough to poop in the ski gear cabinet of the garage for the next year or so, better dust of the DeWalt Heavy-Duty 1/2″ VSR Drill with Anti-Lock Control and get that stuff fixed now.
2. Make sure you are in a good spot mentally. If you are stressed out beyond belief, drinking a fifth of Seagrams 7 with grape Gatorade every night and losing hair down the bathtub drain in large, gray tufts before the baby comes, you are going to be a real Nicky Santoro with only an hour of sleep per week. My wife agreed to let me take a little weekend trip alone a while back, and it worked wonders. Do what you have to do now to get your patience back.
3. Have a clear understanding of where the new baby is going to be spending most of his time and have it ready. The worst thing that can happen to a man is to walk into the house with his wife and fresh new baby and hear his wife exclaim angrily “The nursery isn’t painted? What are your free weights still doing there? Is that a slice of ham on the floor? You told me you were going to take that Paulina Porizkova poster down, and where is his crib?!” As we all know, with a new arrival to the family comes chaos. Make sure you have your rubber duckies in a row early.
4. Get in shape. This is the hardest one of all to carry out. Because your wife is lying on the couch most of the time bloated, sore, asleep and disoriented, it can be tempting to dart out for Taco Bell or a quick 10-piece. Face it, there’s no way she will ever have the speed, strength or agility to stop you. Hell, she will probably even shout “Be sure to get me a couple of Meximelts, too!” as you walk out the front door. Try to resist the urge. Babies take a lot out of you, and if you are lugging around enough extra bodyfat to make your own Buffalo Bill skin suit, you’re just going to feel that much more fatigued and aggravated during the day and won’t be much help at all. Shoot for dropping 10 pounds. Most of us can afford to lose it, and with an average male metabolism it’s pretty easily attainable with a little focus.
Most guys, myself included, feel a little bit useless and aimless during their spouse’s pregnancy, especially during the last trimester. Typical male instinct requires us to take action and, if you are like me, having your role be to simply wait around should your partner need your help or something fetched from the fridge once in a while, while necessary, is far too passive. Carrying out one or all of the items on this list not only allows us guys to feel like we are self-starting and taking responsibility for a part of the preparation, it shows our significant other that we are taking an interest. And, if you work the angles just right, you can probably get yourself some new power tools out of the deal.
-Matt
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March 19th, 2009 at 1:45 am
That is a good list. I think that too many people minimize dad’s role after. Sure, I hurt and turned into a restaurant overnight and was sosososo tired, but THe Donor had to do Every Single Thing for a long time. I know it was hard for him.
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March 19th, 2009 at 4:17 pm
Per usual, Matt, you are the essence of practicality. Hoping lots of Dads are in your audience.
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March 21st, 2009 at 8:08 pm
Aren’t you having a boy this time around? If you are, just go ahead and leave the Paulina poster up. He’ll probably thank you for it…
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