This entry was posted on Monday, May 18th, 2009 at 7:02 pm and is filed under Family Stuff. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
Lets face it. Guys don’t get a lot of love during pregnancy. No, I’m not whining. Just pointing out a simple fact.
The truth is I’ve been feeling a lot of pressure lately. It looks like Aline could possibly deliver a bit before her due date again, although not anywhere near as prematurely as Frankie was, and I have found myself a bit panicked and short on time.
I’m always amazed when people tell me they don’t know about RedSparks, our business. We built RedSparks and started selling preemie clothes and baby clothes when Frankie was born early, and I write about it here all the time…almost to the point where I feel embarrassed about mentioning it. But it’s significant in this case because RedSparks lives in our extra bedroom, which is also supposed to be baby boy’s room when he arrives. And I haven’t done a thing to get it ready. Not one bit.
Saturday night I was frantic. I realized I had virtually no time left to clean the garage out, move all the inventory, shelves, computer equipment and packaging material into said garage, paint the baby’s bedroom, set up the crib, make it all cute and liveable and so on. I was way, way behind, and that means stress for my wife. I need to avoid that right now.
As if by some kind of miracle, my phone rang. It was my buddy Matt. I have known Matt for 31 years. He’s practically blood, and our families have remained close though what should be referred to as nothing less than thick and thin. He was matter-of-fact and to-the-point:
Matt: “Dude. Is the nursery done yet?”
Me: “Uh…not really man. Not really.”
Matt: “You’re not doing that by yourself. Let me call my in-laws. Helga and I are coming over tomorrow. She can hang out with Aline so she can have some fun and you and I are gonna crank that work out. Cool?”
My chest puffed up, my machismo kicked in and I stuck my jaw out, fully prepared to hit Matt with one of those “Don’t worry about it, dude. I got this” type of male responses.
Then I thought for a second and just gave up. My shoulders relaxed, the tension melted from my face and I sighed. This is what true friendship is all about, and Matt was being a true friend. The truth was, I didn’t “got this” at all, and just hearing him say that lifted half the weight I was carrying off my shoulders.
“Dude? Thank you. I appreciate this more than you can imagine. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Yesterday morning they came over. Aline smiled and laughed more than I have seen her do in a while:
And Matt and I got to look uber-sexy in front of our ladies by turning this:
Into this:
Not too shabby, eh? Matt’s help turned what would have easily been 3-4 days of work for me alone into a one-day affair.
I am more sore than I remember being ever, my face is so sunburned that the guy in the next car on the way to work this morning flipped me off and called me an Oompa-Loompa, and I’m so tired I can hardly see straight, but you know? We had a great time. Both Aline and I were glad to have not only their help, but their company as well.
Soon. Very, very soon there will be a new member of the Pfingsten clan, and things will be so chaotic that for a month or so we won’t think about anything but ourselves. So I wanted to publicly thank Helga and my dear friend Matt for everything they did yesterday. Last night, after they left, I made one very simple observation to Aline, and she agreed with me: True friendship, and I mean true friendship, isn’t based on what people buy for you or what people can give you. Its based on love, respect and support. Its based on heart and on soul. And when you become close enough to someone with whom you can let down your guard and actually lean on them once in a while, you had better hang on tight to that forever because, believe me, it ain’t that easy to find.
Thanks, Matt and Helga for everything you did. It means more than you know. I love you guys.
-Matt
May 18th, 2009 at 8:45 pm
What a great lesson to learn, and so true! And of course you were asking for sympathy, dude, you are a GUY! But I let that go because you also happen to be a great husband, a great father, and you must be a good friend in order to have such good ones yourself. Now take some deep breaths, do it again, and all will be well. My thoughts are with all of you.
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May 19th, 2009 at 2:37 am
I like Matt and Helga, too! Because, they are good friends to you.
Uhm, where DID it all go?!
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May 19th, 2009 at 2:33 pm
What a great friend! I can’t believe you got all of that done it one day. Well done dude.
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May 27th, 2009 at 7:35 am
My husband in our early days of dating as he narrated his story told me about his “buddy Pfingsten,” “He’s like a brother,” my husband would say and it was neat to hear that guys could be friends for so long, but was it “true” friendship?
I asked myself. Bergen and Pfingsten lost touch, (aaaah, so I was right, not so good-a- friends after all) however they worked on the friendship and they picked up from where they left off, and I got the chance to get to know Pfingsten and his wife a little more. I must say that I am a skeptic by nature and believe that true friendship is EARNED and if someone who is not a blood relative is going to be worthy of being called a “brother” well then it has to be for a very good reason. Ergo why we did what we did this weekend.
I am Helga, Matt Bergen’s wife also a mother of a preemie little boy, born at 36 weeks and our life too was changed soon after his birth. Long story very short, about 6 hours after the birth of our son we were notified that he was going to require immediate surgery for TEF (Tracheal Esophageal Fistula) a condition that can potentially be fatal to such a tender life.
Eight hours after giving birth to our first son, and only having had about 30 minutes holding and bonding with him, he was taken away by ambulance to UCLA for his surgery. I remained at St. John’s because I had just given birth while my husband left with our newborn to be with him at the hospital. I could not even begin to imagine having our precious boy without his parents in the hands of strangers who would probably be poking him, prepping him for surgery etc., I prepared and feared for what was probably going to be the longest and worse night of my life as well as my husband’s.
I was very fortunate though, my mom stayed the night at the hospital so she could watch over me. However, all I did was cry and cry because I was so worried for my baby and for husband who had to endure the hours of waiting to hear from our baby boy’s medical team to find out the outcome of the surgery within the cold walls of a hospital waiting room ALL ALONE.
At about 11 p.m. on 5/2/06 my husband called me to let me know that our baby had just been taken into the O.R. and in between tears and bouts of trying to be strong, I said “babe I am sorry, I wish I could be there with you, so you wouldn’t have to be all alone…” and he responded, “Oh don’t worry baby Matt is here, he’s been keeping me company, the moment I told him what’s going on he came down.” What a relief!! My husband was not alone anymore, and I felt sooo much better, and felt that now I should try to get some rest and gather my strength for my son, thanks to Matt who cared enough to be with his buddy Matt.
Like Matt said in his post, “as if by some miracle” he showed up at the right time for my husband. That’s not all though, came to find out the next morning when I spoke to my husband that Pfingsten was with him the entire night through the next morning. It was with that act of love, support and selfishless that Matt showed for my husband, my newborn, and me for that matter, that he and his wife earned a special place in my heart. Matt & Aline-they are family. Family is a special friendship, it’s unconditional love at any moment; support at the drop of a hat, through the worse and the best of times. So you see Matt and his family have been there for us at the most difficult time of our life and now it wasn’t even a question for Matt and I to help out Matt & Aline in preparation for baby boy Pfingsten. It was the least we could do for our family.
Oh, and folks please don’t let them fool you, the garage- it only happened because of the beers these two men pounded down and the whips and chains we ladies had
Thank you Matt for your beautiful words.
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