This entry was posted on Saturday, June 6th, 2009 at 5:47 pm and is filed under Family Stuff. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
As you may already know, my son, Dominick, was born May 28th at 7lbs 6oz.
Aline had some lingering health issues that have since cleared up and, although everyone is home safe and sound now, we did spend about six days in the hospital. Funny thing about hospitals, they make me all scattered and forgetful; I just can’t focus in them.
On the day we were discharged I was waiting for the elevator in the maternity ward, carrying my new baby boy proudly in his car seat by my side. An attractive woman wearing a silk blouse and a pencil skirt was waiting next to me, and was smiling and waving at my son, trying to get him to return the smile.
“He’s very cute,” she said to me kindly.
“Thanks! I think so too. I’m excited to be bringing him home. We all are.” I answered back cheerfully.
She looked away from him and up at the floor indicators above the elevators for a moment before she asked “Who’s his agent?”
My jaw dropped. There I was, having lived in Los Angeles for over fifteen years, and I had allowed my poor son to go six days without representation. I mean, I forgot everything. No agent, no media junkets and, worst of all, no auditions. Six days. I was shocked and embarrassed. As she got on the elevator I could only stand there and look away in shame.
As soon as we got home I developed my plan to catch Dominick up with the rest of the kids his age and get him “out there” as quickly as possible. I would have to move fast, which everyone knows creates a greater potential for over-exposure, but I had no choice. This first thing I did was to leave messages for Michael Ovitz and Joe Simpson. I told myself that whoever called me back first would represent Dom. Cross that one off the list.
Next, I had to create some Dominick buzz. The quickest way to get people talking about a celebrity is through the tabloids. So I quietly leaked these photos to Star, Globe and The Enquirer.
He’ll be the new “it boy” in no time.
Finally, he needed a makeover. He’s a good-looking boy, no question, but I was a little concerned that he may be a little too “hard-edged” looks-wise to land some of the more sensitive, John Cusack-type roles. I needed to soften him up. For a brief minute, I entertained the idea of giving him kind of a goth, sexy Adam Lambert kind of a look.
Then I thought to myself “What am I doing? Lambert hair on a baby?” It was just getting too silly, you know? Sometimes I take things too far and need to pull back a bit.
Finally I decided that less is more. I wanted him to land the big parts, but I also wanted him to be perceived as more than just a pretty face. If I made him up too much, I feared that he would end up going down the Matthew McConaughey road and would never again be able to play a role with his shirt on. So I decided to go with an intelligent, approachable head shot that would show his versatility as well as a certain level of refinement and character. Sort of like a cross between Anthony Hopkins and Judd Nelson.
I started by removing the bags under his eyes. We can’t have our leading man looking tired all the time, can we?
Then I added a simple yet debonair pair of Armani frames. Not too flashy, not too sophisticated.
Last but not least, an elegant and striking Dolce and Gabbana pin-striped 3-button suit with a Zegna tie rounded out the look.
With that I was satisfied. My baby boy, while definitely off to a late start thanks to my own neglect, was now officially integrated into Los Angeles society, and would be sitting across the desk from James Lipton in no time. Watch out Brad. Watch out Leonardo. There’s a new kid in town.
Break a leg, Dom. And welcome to Los Angeles 
-Matt
You can dress your kid like a celeb too, you know. Check out the hot baby threads we’ve got at our online boutique, RedSparks.
June 6th, 2009 at 6:45 pm
I like the debonair look. Very Brad Pitt at Cannes. However, how you ever thought about maybe having him leave the Chateau Marmont with Shiloh around 3am? You know, just to get the paps buzzing and create a stir?
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June 6th, 2009 at 7:04 pm
G-d bless Photoshop! And sorry to say, I’m really glad I don’t live in L.A.
Congratulations!!
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June 6th, 2009 at 8:01 pm
OMG! what have you done to my innocent newborn son??
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June 6th, 2009 at 8:47 pm
My kid is almost three and still doesn’t have an agent. I’m sure she’ll blame me for the fact that she’ll never became rich and famous.
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June 6th, 2009 at 11:22 pm
@Aline- chill out, babe. I know what I’m doing, OK? This kid WILL get us that house in the Hamptons.
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June 7th, 2009 at 12:41 am
Cute kid. WHEN I was born the nurses said, “He has such a nice, umm, head.” I had a big head and not very cute.
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June 7th, 2009 at 11:54 pm
That suit and those glasses are perfect! He’ll go far.
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June 8th, 2009 at 6:30 am
Congratulations, that’s a great-looking kid. The last picture is my favorite, but they’re all very amusing.
I’d suggest a toupee, perhaps, to make sure he can get those rugged leading man roles.
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June 8th, 2009 at 10:27 pm
Sending love from Texas. Hoping some of it will stave-off the sick-LA culture poor Dom must navigate in his early life.
You take the cake, Matt. (That’s an old idiom of exclamation.)
He looks nice and pink and I like his reddish color hair most, even if he gets it from his Dad.
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June 9th, 2009 at 4:36 pm
This is your second child. I can’t believe how much you slipped up here Matt. Shamefull.
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June 9th, 2009 at 5:10 pm
This just cracks me up!
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June 16th, 2009 at 6:32 pm
[...] to help us keep the house and ourselves from completely falling apart while adjusting to life with another Matt in the house, recently brought me this article from the LA Times. Its from the “Ask Amy” column [...]