This entry was posted on Tuesday, June 16th, 2009 at 6:25 pm and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
My mom, who is staying with us for a couple of weeks to help us keep the house and ourselves from completely falling apart while adjusting to life with another Matt in the house, recently brought me this article from the LA Times. Its from the “Ask Amy” column and, in this particular instance, I don’t think Amy did a very good job of responding to “Concerned Party Pooper’s” comment. If I was my high school writing teacher, I would have scibbled “Take a STANCE!” in red pen by her reply. In any case, the gist of the article is that Concerned Party Pooper (CPP) is upset by how birthday parties at his childrens’ private school have become all about “shock and awe,” and force them to delve more deeply into their pocketbooks than they are comfortable with. I think that Amy missed an opportunity to hit on an issue which I can not only identify with, but find completely disturbing and frustrating, just like CPP.
The problem with parents who attempt to “show up” the other parents by hosting gigantic catered birthday galas for every kid their child has ever known is twofold. First, and most obvious, is CPP’s main gripe. Expense. My daughter has around 25 kids in her preschool class. Not only is it expected that each and every kid attend each and every birthday party, but it is expected that the parents will provide a gift to each child as well. There also exists an expectation about what said gift must be. A five-dollar whoopie cushion from the corner drugstore won’t cut it. These kids wear Prada. I believe that, in addition to wiping out my 401K so that I can outfit some child I barely know in the latest UGGs, this sends a very negative message to the child themselves. No one I have ever known gets 25 gifts, fancy gifts no less, on their birthday, not including what they receive from family. It teaches the child to expect royal treatment throughout their life in addition to spoiling them and making it almost impossible for the child to learn the value of their possessions. A kid that age simply can’t play with a toy or put together a puzzle with any focus at all when there are 24 other presents waiting to be unwrapped. The puzzle ends up lost or on the floor.
The second reason has to do with the parents’ motives and their commitment to the life experiences of the child. I may get in trouble for saying this, but I actually believe that these children enjoy these parties less than they would if the parents took a step back, forgot for a minute about how impressive their kid’s party could be and started thinking about how fun they should be. Half of what I see when I attend these parties is for the parents and not the kids. Sure, they get to run around and play and have a blast. Kids can have fun anywhere. But typically the events are thrown in some rented venue where there is supervision supplied by the people who work at the venue. The parents generally congregate around an elaborate spread of food designed to impress while they discuss the 100-dollar centerpieces in their Burberry scarves.
Color me old school, but I think it should be about fewer guests and more about what the child truly loves. Forget the mini-quiches and the grilled eggplant with mozzarella cheese and roasted pine nuts. Have pizza and hot dogs and spend some time having a birthday blast with your child. There was one particular party thrown by my mother that, some 30 years later, I remember like it was yesterday. She sent out invitations that she had made by hand. Little scrolls rolled up with the edges burned so they would look medieval. She stayed up all night rolling up newspaper and painting it silver to make an entire armory of swords and lances. She made knights helmets out of cardboard, each one complete with a feathered plume form the craft store and its own unique face plate design. We had ourselves a tournament. There were sword fights and hammer throws, Guineveres and Lancelots. She wrapped it all up with a good old fashioned Big Wheel jousting tournament and to the victor went the first slice of cake. It was absolute heaven and I am fairly certain that, while it cost her a lot in effort and sleep, it barely made a dent in her checkbook.
People will do what they do, and I really don’t have any right to judge them. But I what I can do is make sure my daughter understands the difference between excess and quality. I want to give her the gift of blissful nostalgia when she thinks back to her birthday parties, and there won’t be any Louis Vuitton in sight, I promise you.
I think now I know why dear old mom gave me that article, and I’m glad she did.
-Matt
Would it be totally lame if I now asked you to click over to our online baby store, RedSparks, and spend all your money?
June 16th, 2009 at 7:27 pm
Amen to this post! I am old-school myself, so I have made all the kids wait until they are 12 to have a birthday party outside of family, and then only three friends TOPS and no gifts. Not because I don’t want them to have fun, but because there is a huge difference between celebrating a birth and getting spoiled rotten, to impress kids’ parents, usually two of 20 you would even CARE to know. Yeah, your mom is right on the money there.
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June 16th, 2009 at 9:08 pm
You’ve got it right here Matt. It blows me away to hear about these parties (because, lets face it, I’m not quite up to par with those groups that throw these parties, thank goodness) because to me, a BBQ and a pool is sufficient to have a successful birthday party.
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June 17th, 2009 at 11:19 pm
I knew I liked your mom!
I give newspaper clippings to relatives, too.
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June 29th, 2009 at 1:00 am
Actually, complaining about the fact that these parents expect you to shell out a chunk of cash for gifts for their little darlings (I’m sure.) and then asking readers to go buy a 17.00 shirt for kids…is lame. A 50.00 ruffle dress? I am glad I have not gotten to a post by you about how bad this economy is sucking. Who ARE you people? Get with the real world.
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June 29th, 2009 at 5:36 pm
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July 24th, 2009 at 7:12 pm
It was fun for me, too. I’m happy you remember it so vividly. Mom
Oh, by the way, I always thought it was a good rule to limit the number of kids invited to the age of the child: three years old equals three guests.
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