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I am the worst kind of know-it-all. It’s a character flaw of which I have been painfully aware for years and, frankly, am not willing to change. I love acting smarter than everyone else. Even if I know absolutely nothing about a particular subject I will find some way to wax on about it for the next 30 mintes, and will leave you convinced that you came to the right place for answers, even if those answers were completely pulled out of you-know-where on the fly. Throw a word at me that’s not in my current vocabulary? I’ll sit there and mentally break down the root, origin and prefix until I can figure out what it means for an hour before I admit to you I had never heard it before. Yep. I am a total genius. I know everything.
My daughter is four years old and still isn’t potty trained. This bothers me on so many different levels I can’t begin to list them here, but the top two are probably having to change sheets, pants and underwear two thousand times a week and just the fact that I don’t know what I am doing in the least. We are flailing. I am certain that if we were to be evaluated by an expert in child development or some potty training guru, they would laugh hysterically and tell us to simply give up at this point. We have done everything wrong and I am frustrated beyond belief.
Here’s where we are right now: I am certain that my daughter possesses the physical control at this point to hold it in until its time to go. I know this because she will go for stretches of two to three days with no accidents at all, even at night. I also know she knows where, when and how to go because, when she’s having a good day, she likes to “show off” the fact that she’s doing it. The problem lies in her “bad days,” which can last for weeks where she goes in her pants or in her bed every single time. I’m talking 5-6 accidents a day. Maybe more. Regardless of what we read in books and what we have been told by friends, this creates a great deal of frustration for Aline and I and we admittedly let her see it. So now, thanks to our maturity and brilliance, when she is preparing to have an “accident” she goes to one of her hiding places where she won’t be seen. Usually under the dining room table or between the couch and the love seat. She actually prepares to wet her pants. To make matters worse, she will walk around with wet underwear all day long before she will let us see it. Because she wears a uniform to school, we sometimes don’t notice that she has had an accident (its hidden beneath her skirt) for hours. This causes rashes and can obviously lead to greater complications.
I consider myself a pretty good father for much of the same arrogant reasons I listed in the first paragraph. But I am lost. I’m frustrated, confused and flabbergasted. We have “potty training” my daughter for over a year. That, my friends, is not normal, no matter what anyone says. Apart from the personal embarrassment I feel for not being able to quickly master this skill and know all there is to know about it, I am really concerned about her. I am worried that there may be some deeper psychological issues at play here, and that just won’t do.
So here I am, the great and powerful Oz, letting you see behind the curtain. I don’t know the first thing about potty training, and would love some help.
-Matt
If there’s a silver lining to this story its that, no matter how many accidents she has, we never run out of fresh, cool baby clothes. Check out RedSparks, our online store.
June 20th, 2009 at 1:37 am
Laugh at you, Matt? Never. Ahem. (returning my hand from behind my back to key again)
I just stopped by to wish you Happy Father’s Day. Sincerely, you are a wonderful blogger friend and I hope you have a wonderful accident-free day.
I’m recalling a few posts on this topic this year. I know how much it pains you to admit defeat. I am certain you and Aline are not the only parents feeling the fear of teen potty training. Well, maybe. You are one to shoot to the future a bit fast.
I happily defer to your potty training guru. And I recommend another to read – but you will have to figure out how to get to the topic in need – mycharmingkids.net.
I just had a discussion regarding this issue last evening with a ‘tough love’-minded-mama of six. For one particularly stubborn son, he was potty trained after being sent outside with dirty pants. She even put an umbrella over him after he fell asleep in the grass (southern CA, like you). Later, she saw flies buzzing around his bottom.
My only suggestion at this point is to take away her underwear when she is at home. That should also help heal her skin. Can you enlist the help of adults at her school?
How’s the baby? Has he shot you in the face yet?
Barbara´s last blog ..You are what you eat.
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June 23rd, 2009 at 6:06 am
You know what? I have NO CLUE what to tell you here. My guess is maybe starting a really regimented potty schedule, like once ever hour we go potty with someone, like it or not. With a brand new baby in the house. Yeah, not going to happen.
Here’s what I WILL tell you…3of3 occasionally just poops her pants. Sometimes she will not go on the loo no matter how hard I try to drag her in there. Oh, and she’s started wanting to pee outside. Yesterday, in the middle of Whistler, she decided she had to pee in the grass. Know what I did? I let her, that’s what.
All I know is that sometimes it’s a control thing and sometimes it’s honestly just a bladder thing. My 9 year old still has nighttime accidents on occasion. Shit happens.
None of this was helpful, huh? I vote for talking to the pediatrician, and switching back to pull-ups until. Because having a rashy, wet, embarrased kid isn’t going to help, so at least you can make this whole thing as painless as possible.
Mr Lady´s last blog ..Satellite Comes And Goes
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June 24th, 2009 at 5:17 pm
have you tried a watch? get her a cool, cheap watch and set a timer for every hour. when the timer goes off, she has to go sit on the potty. kinda like a game. i heard that works.
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July 20th, 2009 at 7:33 pm
Okay, I’m about to cry. I swear, you could be talking about my daughter in this post. I could have written this post. We are going through the exact same situation. Our daughter is 4 1/2 and still refuses to use the potty. Have you found the magic cure yet? My husband and I are at our wit’s end and we are both completely and totally at a loss at to what to do anymore. Help, please!!!!!!!
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