This entry was posted on Tuesday, November 3rd, 2009 at 10:47 am and is filed under Family Stuff. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
As it turns out, all of those people who smiled at us warmly, patted our hands and said “Don’t worry. The second child is much easier,” were totally screwing with us, and are probably reading this somewhere in their homes right now laughing at us hysterically. Dom has not started sleeping more and, in point of fact, is actually waking up every two hours all…night…long. This has a profound effect on my wife’s well-being, not to mention on her schedule. Every so often, in the mornings, my incessant son will allow her the esteemed privilege of enjoying the whirlwind of whining that is preparing my daughter for school, but most days the responsibility falls into my court.
I am tired. I cannot, in good conscience, complain about being tired because, until my wife gets a bit more sleep, she most certainly has it worse. However the fact does remain that two kids takes a lot out of both parents, and I’d be lying if I said that I wasn’t feeling some of the effect. This is the reason why, last night when my daughter was engrossed in NickJr.com and mentioned that she wanted to skip her bath, I willingly obliged and enjoyed 20 minutes of the Saints/Falcons game on Monday Night Football. A rare treat these days. This little detail, which may seem slightly extraneous at the moment, will mean a great deal as I continue my story.
Daylight Savings is the anti-christ. At least when you have children. I remember fondly the days when Aline and I would cherish the extra hour, looking at the clock, smiling and nestling back into the blankets for a blissful 60 minutes, free of charge. With kids, however, that hour matters. The first words out of my mouth this morning when I woke with a start to see Frankie hovering over me at 5:40 A.M. were “Frankie? Tonight we are going to learn how to tell time.”
Aline had endured a particularly rough night with Dom, so I begrudgingly trudged through Frankie’s morning school routine, my persona completely devoid of any real motivation or fight. I gave her a bagel and, when I glanced at the cream cheese smeared all over her mouth upon having finished it, let my head fall back to the couch cushion and thought to myself “Forget it. It’ll be easier to clean off when it dries.”
As I was getting her into her uniform, I noticed that I had inadvertently selected the “bad polo” that she wears under her jumper. It’s bad in that there is a big marker stain on the collar that will not come out. We keep it for emergencies. Since it was slightly chilly this morning and she would be wearing her sweatshirt over it, I decided to let it go. No one would notice.
Because I allowed her to skip her bath the night before, her hair was a mess. About halfway through me trying to brush out the tangles with her complaining loudly in my ear I simply gave up and wrapped the whole mess up in a pseudo-pony tail and finished it off two hair ties to hold it in place. A red and an orange.
Finally, because she was so tired and so whiny, I gave in to her demands and let her select a piece of her Halloween candy to enjoy in the car on the way to school. A grape lollipop. What the hell. At least it would keep her quiet.
I was starting to feel much better, and even had a little bounce in my step as I was walking her from the car to her classroom. By the time I reached it I was in such a good mood I burst in, a huge smile on my face and shouted “Good morning, everybody!”
Her teacher smiled at me, looked at Frankie, then back at me. I held her gaze, bobbing my head with that huge grin still plastered on my face for about another thirty seconds before finally asking “What?”
“Um. It’s picture day today. Picture day,” she said.
Now completely serious, I looked at my daughter as my heart sank. There she stood in all her glory. Crusted cream cheese, tangled hair, a stain on her shirt and a purple mouth and teeth. I couldn’t believe it. What made her haggard and unkempt appearance so much worse was that I couldn’t even say I had forgotten picture day. I didn’t even know. Sure, we had the form at home and I suppose I could have looked at it, but I did not. To add insult to injury, I had no cash and no checkbook, so my daughter’s teacher had to write a check for me. That’s right. I’m in to Miss Cindy for $37.00. With juice.
I made the drive back home with my head hung low and my heart pounding, playing out the scene in my mind of me telling my wife what I had done to our poor hopeless daughter on picture day and fearing for my life, wondering what I could possibly say that would make this right.
All I could come up with was “Thank God for Photoshop.”
Matt
My daughter normally looks brilliant. That’s because she wears clothing from our online store, RedSparks!.
November 3rd, 2009 at 1:20 pm
HAHAHA!!! You seriously are one of my most favorite blogs ever to read. I think because misery loves company….
McMommy´s last blog ..My Halloween Costume(s).
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Matt Reply:
November 3rd, 2009 at 1:56 pm
@McMommy, Thanks! And if what you say is true, then I should be TERRIFIC company. Especially after I see those pictures!
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November 3rd, 2009 at 1:33 pm
So what you’re saying is come springtime, I’ll be pulling the “I meant to do that” when Fury shows up to school/camp/playgroups looking like I just picked him up from a frat pledge party.
BusyDad´s last blog ..I’m a Skate Punk. Was.
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Matt Reply:
November 3rd, 2009 at 1:56 pm
@BusyDad, If you can pull it off? That’s exactly what I’m saying.
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November 3rd, 2009 at 1:41 pm
This was too funny, but alas, I am laughing with you not at you. You are not alone in having days like this and those will be the best school pics ever, because you will always have a story to go with them.
Yes, the 2nd child is easier. You haven’t been lied to. However, people did leave out the fact that it doesn’t turn ‘easier’ until the 2nd can walk and wipe his own butt.
WeaselMomma´s last blog ..Fairy Godmother Wanted
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Matt Reply:
November 3rd, 2009 at 1:57 pm
@WeaselMomma, Unfortunately I’m quite certain I will have either died, or been killed by my wife by then
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November 3rd, 2009 at 1:42 pm
OMG….That was way funny. Thanks for the laughs.
I seriously laughed so hard reading that, I could totally picture it. Great Writing!
Amy Amy Bo Bamey´s last blog ..Tuesdays: Caption This
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Matt Reply:
November 3rd, 2009 at 1:58 pm
@Amy Amy Bo Bamey, Thank you Amy. Wish I could take the credit, but the kids just provide so….much…material.
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November 3rd, 2009 at 1:44 pm
Oh God! That is truly awful.
However at our school we all LIVE for picture retake day. It is one of life’s few do-overs. Hope you have one of them!
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Matt Reply:
November 3rd, 2009 at 1:59 pm
@TechnoMom, Holy crap! I FORGOT about retake day! I’m calling the school now to find out if they do one. You just made my day!
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November 3rd, 2009 at 3:29 pm
If I was one of the lofty few who told you that two would be easier, please forgive me. I mean FOUR, I really did.
Thank heavens for re-takes; re-take day will come to be your close friend. So will the “I am not spending $37 for crappy school pictures” phase. I am still in that phase, in fact, and it has been going on, oh, ten years? A long time.
Kori´s last blog ..In Which I Alienate My friends
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Matt Reply:
November 3rd, 2009 at 3:50 pm
@Kori, If these pictures come out worse than the ones they took last year? I’m entering that phase immediately!
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November 3rd, 2009 at 5:46 pm
I was with you all along, thinking that sounds like nearly every day in my house. And then the big finish …. I nearly fell off my chair. Thanks for the laugh. I hope you share the photos.
Recovering Procrastinator´s last blog ..Being a mom
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November 3rd, 2009 at 6:00 pm
That’s funny. It’s those little things like that that ways trip us up, isn’t it?
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November 4th, 2009 at 7:54 am
Bad luck, Matt! I mean, what are the chances that the ONE day that you make the wrong choice every possible time it is picture day? Well, according to the other commenters here, chances are pretty good.
Hmmmm. Looks like ‘natural consequences’ to me. Of which one is retake day. hehe.
Sending Sandman messages to Dom, for Aline.
Barbara´s last blog ..A Natural Response
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November 5th, 2009 at 10:18 am
Oh Lord!
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November 11th, 2009 at 12:31 pm
It’s always nice to hear we are not alone in allowing our older son a little bit more time on Nickjr.com since his little brother came along than we normally would in order to get a bit of a break!! Two kids is a lot of work on both parents, you are so right.
I hope your little one gets the hang of sleeping a bit longer soon – sounds just like my first. I was pleasantly SHOCKED when my second started sleeping through the night at 6 weeks (don’t tell your wife that!); I would never believe it was possible had it not happened to me personally – I always thought those people were lying through their teeth.
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