This entry was posted on Tuesday, January 26th, 2010 at 11:41 pm and is filed under Time Out. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
Time Out, day three. The series is going swimmingly well, I must say. Yesterday’s question ended up being more of a hot button than I expected but I think that, even though things got slightly heated, the debate was healthy. I was grateful for all the participation; the answers and comments made me feel much more secure about our decision to send our daughter to preschool at an early age. But now, it’s time to move on. Let’s get to question three!
Most couples experience somewhat of a “down cycle” in their relationship with one another after having children. Is alone time with your partner or spouse a priority to you? What do you, or did you, do to “recharge the batteries” with them? Does it/did it help?
Aline Pfingsten
RedSparks
The last time I went out to a nice dinner with my husband was in October of 2008, so yeah I’d say we’re in a down cycle now. I haven’t gotten much sleep in 7 months and I’m still learning to juggle two kids. And apparently my body no longer belongs to me since I handed it over to my son the day he was born. It’s definitely a priority but our relationship is on a slow track right now, soon it will be back to top of the list. All we need is time alone, the rest will come, we’re good at that. Solution? Find the babysitter we’ve been looking for the past 5 years!
Kori Jones
See Kori Rant
Since I already had three children when I met my current partner, this doesn’t especially apply in the same way-when I had child #4 with my current partner, I was already in parent mode and we had already had to work around that. That said, I DO believe that one-on-one time, without kids, is extremely important. We make a concerted effort to go out alone once a week, be it dinner on Friday or breakfast on Sunday. Also, the hour after the younger two go to bed is ours. I have a really crappy track record, and he has never been in a committed relationship with someone, so it has been interesting and sometimes frustrating to find that balance. However, I have discovered that remembering outside the bedroom why we are together, being two adults who share common interests and can have intelligent conversations, directly affects not just the sexual aspect of our relationship but every other aspect of it as well.
Mr. Lady
Whiskey In My Sippy Cup
HAHAHAHA. Moving on…..
McMommy
The McMommy Chronicles
When I married my husband, I gave him a watch the night before we got married. On the back of the watch, I had it engraved with “My drinking buddy. My friend. My love.” Which may not have been the most romantic thing to engrave on the back of the watch, but it was 100% us. Two kids later, it still holds true. Because nothing is better to my husband and I than opening a bottle of wine, sitting down in our kitchen, and just talking about our day….while our kids run around and tear up the house around us.
The one thing my husband and I don’t agree on? 80s hair bands. I love them. He doesn’t. Which may be grounds for divorce.
Barbara Boucher
TherExtras
Alone time is important to us. No real ‘down cycles’ for us – we married later than most and have always marveled that we found each other. [Mutually we attribute it to Divine Intervention.] Despite not living near relatives when they were young and with few trusted babysitters, we had plenty of alone time in our home when they were asleep. You might say we are easily entertained.
Frankly, alone time for special events or time away has been relatively more difficult to arrange after they became teens. But not a huge stressor for us. [*yawn* Is it bedtime, yet, Dear?]
Clearly “mommy-daddy” time is important to everyone yet, for me, seems so hard to come by after children. I believe strongly that spending alone time with your significant other helps build a solid family foundation yet, as you can see from my wife’s response, sometimes that’s easier said than done. I’d be interested in hearing how anyone else overcomes this problem. It is obviously not something I (we) have mastered.
Thank you for your honesty, ladies of the panel! If you’d like to read more of their answers, click the link below for previous discussions.
-Matt
You know, one thing you could to when you’re spending time away from your kids is shop for them online at RedSparks. Relationship-saver, for sure.
January 27th, 2010 at 6:27 am
My wife and I try very hard to carve out time for one another. We are not always successful, but we know the value of maintaining our friendship. We are, first and foremost, best friends. If we do not feed that friendship then everything else suffers. Maintaining a strong friendship creates a happy and healthy marriage, which makes a happy and healthy home for our children. And it helps that the oldest is 13 and can baby sit for short periods of time. Once we determined that we could leave the house for an hour and not return to find a smoldering pile of ashes, life became easier.
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Barbara Reply:
January 29th, 2010 at 12:51 pm
@Arby, Amen. Same in our home, too.
Barbara´s last blog ..Do you see what you get?
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January 27th, 2010 at 8:12 am
[...] newest installment of Time Out over at The Playpen deals with something along these same lines; why don’t you go on over there and read what we [...]
January 27th, 2010 at 10:15 am
My husband and I seem to be super picky about who we have watch our kids– but then we remember how it was when we were kids~
If we are lucky, date night happens once or twice a year–
As the kids get older and more people are “willing, and interested” in watching the kids– I do beleive we will get alone time more often.
Stacey´s last blog ..Tuesday, good and bad…
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January 27th, 2010 at 6:31 pm
I’m not in a couple, but as a single mom I definitely need my own time every now and again.
Cat´s last blog ..Online Dating
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January 27th, 2010 at 11:31 pm
[...] I admit it. Things slowed down a bit yesterday. But the topic is still important to me and I was grateful to have honest input from the esteemed [...]