The Playpen

We have reached a milestone in my daughter’s life. Tomorrow, she starts school. Granted, its preschool, but this particular school goes all the way through eighth grade so, for all intents and purposes, today will be the last weekday she spends at home with Aline, barring holidays and sick days.

Naturally, I have found a way to twist what some other parents would see as a monumental and joyous occasion into a dark and twisting vortex of worry and over-analysis. Don’t judge…it’s my way.

Even before I had a child I was aware that children are tempted by drugs and alcohol at a much earlier age than I ever was. According to the SAMHSA, many kids start drinking in middle school, and one out of every two 8th graders has tried alcohol. So that means that by the time my daughter is thirteen, when she brings home a friend from school one of them will have hit the bottle. And Talking with Kids states that the average age by which kids try marijuana is 12. That’s an average, people.

I personally tried alcohol for the first time at a party my junior year in high school, and didn’t even touch weed until I was about 24. Why? Because my parents were all over it. I was terrified of drugs. I believed that my face would melt off like the guy from Raiders if I even came near a bong. According to them, they never took drugs, they hated them. My mom hadn’t even tried a beer until about 20 minutes ago, and that made her so sick she almost died. They never backed down in their story; whether it was truth or fiction we believed it. At least until we were old enough to start making intelligent decisions for ourselves. And this concept, the sentence I just wrote, is what concerns me the most about kids, drugs and alcohol. If I had tried them at that young of an age, would I have had the sense to limit their use, as I did when I was older? Would I have known to put the twelfth beer back because, just maybe, I would miss work the next day if I drank it?

I don’t think so. I think I would have simply latched onto how cool they made me feel and gone after that feeling over and over again, making more and more bad decisions and ultimately ending up with a life that is not quite as nice as the one I have now. I didn’t have the limits that we learn to set for ourselves through experience. I had no “off” switch.

By contrast, there is the technique employed by parents of some of my friends growing up. Let your kids know about your experiences, particularly the bad ones, with drugs and alcohol. Put yourself on their level. Show them you understand. Illustrate to them how bad misuse at an early age can be so that they may benefit from your mistakes. If you are upfront and honest with your kids about your own experiences, they will respect you that much more for it and will avoid getting tangled up in the whole mess altogether.

One of the things I love the most about The Playpen is your comments. I love the immediacy of the medium. I am always completely interested, surprised and sometimes even shocked at the diversity of responses we get to our posts, even if it is still only a handful. That being said, I would love to hear which method you have, or intend to employ when trying to keep your kids safe and healthy throughout their adolescence. Upfront and honest about your own alcohol and drug experimentation (I know, I know…there ARE some of you who truly haven’t used either, but that would completely ruin this post!), or as an old boss said to me a long time ago, “Lie Lie Lie, until you can’t lie any more! By the time they figure out you were lying, they’ll have the sense to make their own decisions.”

Matt
The RedSparks Summer Sale is coming to an end. Don’t miss out! Receive up to 60% off on today’s hottest fashion and accessories for preemies, infants and toddlers!

A while ago, a blog friend of mine made a random comment on their site that, for whatever reason, I cannot seem to shake. It wasn’t meant to be taken seriously, but it was just one of those things that sort of opened my eyes to a new perspective and made me think. My interpretation of the comment was that putting a child into preschool too soon is not only not a benefit to a kid, but could also be damaging to them from an emotional and developmental standpoint.

My daughter starts preschool in a week. She is three-and-a-half years old. In order to make a clean comparison, lets take finances out of the mix. Granted, there are many people out there for whom anything but preschool for their children is not fiscally viable (how’s THAT for a sentence!) As U.S. home values drop, inflation increases and expenses rise, both parents must work to make ends meet. For the purpose of my question you will ultimately read at the bottom of this post (I hope), I’d like to exclude this group from the debate.

I am interested in other reasons parents may have for sending or not sending their children to Pre-K. In our case, we feel that our daughter needs it, and can benefit greatly from it. She is a bit ahead of the curve intelligence-wise, yes…at least for now. But, that aside, we have simply come to the realization that we are NOT the type of parents who can devote every hour of every day to nurturing our daughters creative, analytical and behavioral growth. Before you judge that statement, let me also say that we are good parents. We spend a lot of time with her, and I know for a fact that anyone coming in from the outside to observe would agree that she is being raised well. But we simply can’t offer her the stimulation that a structured, scholastic environment can. Is “scholastic” to heavy a word for a preschooler? I don’t think so. Her classroom has computers. There is a complete library with a preschool section and reading days every Friday. Tuesdays are art. Thursdays are music. There is cooking, theater, organized sports, even swimming. HOW, pray tell, would two lowly individuals like ourselves possibly be able to expose her to that type of diversity? They study ABC’s, learn the Pledge of Allegiance, foreign language…oh, did I mention that they play outside all the time too? Not only will she love it, but she will be challenged, and she enjoys challenge. I recently bought her a new ABC puzzle. She spent HOURS with me doing it over and over until she had almost all of them (has anyone seen the “S”, by the way?). Personally, I can see no better way of keeping her entertained, motivated and focused than preschool, and stand by our decision to send her. (I didn’t even touch on the socialization aspects of it…how many playdates can one person REALLY set up on their own?).

The counterpoint to this argument is one shared by many of my close friends. They believe that birth through, say, four years old is bonding time for the children and the parents. That those years should be devoted to play, development and discipline in the home. They feel, I think, that the child should not be made to be away from home for long periods of time, and that the home environment and consistent presence of the parents is far more beneficial to a child during these early years when children are so impressionable. Preschool, for them, is more damaging than good in that it takes away the opportunity for the parents to instill the character traits they wish onto their children and places it firmly in the hands of people they do not know. They often feel that parents who do put their kids into Pre-K are guilty of hyper parenting, and place unnecessary and undue stress and expectations on children who are not yet emotionally ready to carry that burden.

Clearly, you know which side of the argument I fall into. You will never convince me that my daughter will not be happier, more well-rounded and more successful in life (not only financially, but emotionally as well) if she is exposed to more, learns more and processes more from her current age on. But I am also aware that there are billions of intelligent and creative people who have very happy and comfortable lives who didn’t attend one hour of preschool growing up.

My final question is simple. Do three and four-year-old children benefit more from early education or from the continuing attention, love and comfort they receive at home? I know what the statistics say, but there IS more to life than the right college or perfect career. What do you think?

Matt
The RedSparks Summer Sale is coming to an end. Don’t miss out! Receive up to 60% off on today’s hottest fashion and accessories for preemies through ,that’s right, preschoolers!.

Today, my first post as a contributing author on Discovering Dad went live! If you haven’t checked out Jeremy’s site, I recommend it. It’s a fantastic resource for fathers and a wonderful community. The general theme of my post was coming to terms with the responsibility of being a new father, and what type of changes to expect.

I thought I would do a different version of that theme here on The Playpen from a more lighthearted perspective. So here they are. Matt’s top ten changes you can expect as a new father:

1. You will no longer blast your own music in your car. My iPod contains about 80 GB of music. Around 20 MB of that is my daughter’s. That 20 MB is played approximately 99.98% of the time. This rule also applies to your DVDs.

2. You will develop an affinity for fish sticks, mac-n-cheese and popsicles. You will also discover that you can make over 780 unique dishes using only these three ingredients and some chocolate sprinkles.

3. Three Words. Body. Mass. Index. Better hit the XXL section next time you’re at Target.

4. Increased estrogen level. I am sure there must be scientific evidence to support this. You will catch yourself speaking to your child in a feminine, high-pitched voice in places where it is not appropriate for a man do be doing so…like Best Buy.

5. You will lose all of your current knowledge of NFL football. Your child-less friends will have heated discussions about passer ratings, draft picks and the best blocking fullbacks in the league, and you will feel left out completely. In order to cover your embarrassment, you will blurt out something like “Yeah, well Swiper took a mitten today and I found it behind the tree in less than ten seconds!” This will eliminate your embarrassment as it will immediately sever your relationships with your child-less friends.

6. You will inevitably end up sitting alone on the couch watching Wonder Pets long after your child has gotten up and walked off. Why? Because Wonder Pets ain’t half bad.

7. You will redirect your competitive, alpha-dog nature from things like salary, car, house and flat screen TV to things like Diaper Genies, strollers and baby furniture. “Did you get a load of that wipe warmer that Steve and Jen had? It only had one temperature setting and didn’t even light up! Ours is so much better. I’ll bet they’ve noticed it, too.”

8. Your favorite room in the house will no longer be the TV room. Or the kitchen. It will be the bathroom. Why? Because you can read ESPN the Magazine in there and the door locks. Sanctuary.

9. Yes. Its true. You will begin to love, not like, LOVE the Olive Garden.

10. You will begin to wear the same clothes over and over again, no matter how much you told yourself you wouldn’t be “that dad”. The other day I was looking at a picture of my daughter at 10 weeks old (over three years ago). Slowly, my eyes went down to the shirt I was wearing, then back to the picture, then back to the shirt. Yup.

Matt
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Less than an hour ago, My hometown of Los Angeles was rocked by yet another earthquake. If experience serves me, the actual magnitude will change over the next few days as news stations, eager to be first on the scene, report the best information they have at the moment. Immediate reports said 5.8, now it is down to 5.4.

My first earthquake in LA was the 1994 Northridge Quake. I had been living here for less than six months, and had conveniently chosen an apartment about a mile from the epicenter. For those of you who have not experienced a truly damaging earthquake, the experience is something that never leaves you. At the first hint of a tremor or rumble, your body stiffens, your pulse quickens and you freeze.

This one was particularly bad. Not because of the magnitute…it was really just kind of a gentle roller…but because, for the first time, I had a family. And we were all apart.

My wife was at home, Frankie was at daycare and I was at work. Once the rumbling subsided and my hands stopped shaking I tried to call. No service. I tried the land line. No service. And guess what? We had no plan. I didn’t think that it was a bad enough quake to cause any physical damage, but you never know. Sometimes it has to do with the type of fault and plate movement, as well as the depth and other factors. Regardless, I was worried beyond belief.

I promptly drove home, where Aline was fine and phone service had been restored. Frankie was ok, but they would be napping today with their shoes on, just in case. In twenty minutes, Aline and I drafted up a plan should the big one hit when we were all apart. Thats all it took, and we kicked ourselves for not having done it sooner. Tonight we will be going out to put together the earthquake kit that we have been meaning to get together for the last fourteen years.

Being unprepared for a natural disaster while responsible for the safety and well being of loved ones is not only lazy, it is just plain stupid. Thank god I get to redeem myself.

For a listing of high-risk earthquake areas and additional resources focusing on earthquake preparedness, here are some links:

http://www.fema.gov/areyouready/earthquakes.shtm

http://earthquake.usgs.gov/learning/preparedness.php

Los Angeles Fire Department Emergency Preparedness (PDF Download)

Matt
Visit our online boutique for the latest in fashion and fun for preemie, infant and toddler

OK, maybe not in its natural state. In fact, many little ones’ artwork looks a lot alike to me. But the great thing about the drawings and paintings that my daughter makes is that they are my daughter’s, and I save them all.

Recently, my husband surprised me with a gift that I would never have expected. It was original, fun, cool and unlike anything I have ever seen. Apparently, he got the idea from one on BusyDad’s posts a while ago, and was determined to get me something ever since. I was so happy when my daughter presented me with her drawing that day, I thought it was the coolest thing ever. Her first “real” resemblance of a drawing, and it was me! Miraculously the drawing disappeared the next day only to find out that Matt had taken it to hang it up at work. I was disappointed that he got to keep it, little did I know that he was cooking up something.

Jennifer, who owns and operates an amazing shop called Magic Dog Studio, has come up with a terrific way of preserving your wee one’s art. She takes the artwork and turns it into a one-of-a-kind sterling silver pendant or charm, signs it, packages it in a beautiful gift box and sends it to your front door. She is a true artist, and interprets the kid’s squiggles and zig-zags beautifully. In addition to little people (she also offers a necklace bearing members of the whole family), you can do handprints, thumbprints and wall pieces as well.

To give you an idea of how this uber-creative lady works, I thought I’d show you the before and after.

Here is the drawing that my daughter, Frankie did of me (no, I wasn’t having a bad hair day, thats creative license!).

My husband scanned the drawing and emailed it to Jennifer. After discussing how it would look and what type of chain to use (she suggested a silver cord so the figure would “walk” across it), she went to work.

Imagine my surprise when I received this necklace a few weeks later.

Pretty cool, huh? Magic Dog Studio is truly an example of a creative and talented person doing something completely unique with her gift. I encourage anyone with children, grandkids, wives or mothers to give Jennifer a call and ask her to create a piece for you. Its a perfect way to forever preserve the childhood of that special little one in your life. You can contact her at: magicdogstudio@yahoo.com.

Aline
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Tune in next time when we show you how to create some fun and bubbly art with your child that can actually hang on the wall and not the fridge!

Matt & Aline
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We’ve received a few emails from a few concerned people who commented on our last post about potty training. Just wanted to let everyone know that we are in the process of some major site maintenance, and that unfortunately we lost some of your terrific comments and suggestions in the process. Please be patient with us, and keep the comments coming!
Matt & Aline
Visit our online boutique for the latest in fashion and fun for preemie through toddler

I’ve written a lot about my family, outlook on child-raising and random things that I think are funny. But let me begin this entry by telling you a bit about what I do (bear with me, my reason for doing this is forthcoming). I went to a fairly well-know art school in Los Angeles, where I studied Graphic Design. Since then, I have been working in Marketing and Creative Direction for about 11 years, and have been fortunate enough to move up the corporate food chain relatively quickly. I served my previous employer (Job #1) in this capacity for eight years, and have been at my current position for over two (Job #2).

Somewhere between the birth of my daughter and accepting the position at my current employer, I came to what I would call a life decision. You see, my rapid advancement at Job #1 allowed me to gain a better reputation, expand my resume and enjoy higher compensation, but it came with a price. In order to achieve those benefits, I became something I did not want to be. I became a politician. I positioned, self-promoted, strategized and campaigned against other individuals, eventually getting one of them fired so I could assume their role and expand my responsibilities. The rat race excited me…I can even say that I enjoyed it. The truth be told, I was good at it.

Then my daughter was born. Something clicked inside me and I was filled with shame and remorse. I realized that my co-workers were human beings. They had families. The very thing I was chastising them for (not dedicating heart, sole and any available free time to corporate capital gain), somehow made sense now. What the Hell was I doing? Granted, the individual I spoke of was let go for poor performance, but who was I to attempt to encourage that, when it might have happened on its own anyway?

Until recently, at Job #2, I have lived to a new standard. I have not, will not, engage in corporate politics. It’s been beneath me, and I’ve lived, worked and played with a sense of brotherly love for all my fellow human beings. I was the corporate Gandhi, dealing out forgiveness and tolerance like playing cards on the poker table of American business.

Then it happened.

A peer in my company decided to take issue with my performance. She decided to campaign against me, apparently hoping that if she spoke in a loud enough voice, her projects would miraculously rise to the top of my priority list, regardless of whether or not they belonged there. To my horror, it started working. I looked at her from across a conference table a week ago. Determined. Angry. Defiant. My God, she was me.

I realized that, for my own survival and protection, I had to slip back into that all-too-familiar territory of bobbing and weaving, campaigning and politicking. I had no choice. If I didn’t, she could potentially cause me to lose my job, which would be devastating to my family’s future. So I have, and can tell you quite matter-of-factly, that I will succeed in completely obliterating whatever seeds of suspicion she may have planted in people’s minds, and probably cause both of us a lot of unnecessary heartache in the process. How’s that for brotherly love?

When I came home last night, I spent a while looking at photos of my daughter. She is so happy. So innocent. Her face, in some recent shots of her in the pool, bears an expression of pure, uncontaminated joy – an expression my own face has not carried for a long, long time.

How do I raise her to succeed? I have two choices. I can raise her to ignore the motives and deception of others, rise above distrust and poor character and work and live to an idealistic standard, which will make her a much better person, but set her up for disappointment and make her vulnerable to the misdirected intentions of others. Or I can teach her how to manipulate, maneuver and use situations for personal advancement, how to use peoples personalities and weaknesses against them and how to protect herself by covering herself, which will probably allow her to follow the same career path I have, but set her up for the same self-evaluation and disappointment that I am experiencing now.

I hate no-win decisions.

Matt
Visit our online boutique for the latest in fashion and fun for preemie through toddler

As many of you already know, The Playpen was created as a partner piece to our business, RedSparks. We have always envisioned it as being a place where parents, both seasoned and green, can come for tips and tricks, humor, even drama…everything related to raising a child. We also continue to strive to provide support to parents of preemies as well. Having gone through that experience ourselves made us realize that the more help we can give them (even in the form of a laugh), the better it makes us feel.

With that in mind, we are proud to launch our newest venture, “The Playpen in Motion!” This will be a monthly video segment (not too long!) that will feature all kinds of interesting stuff from kid-friendly recipes to arts and crafts…even “parent on the street” interviews. Its our own attempt at Baby TV!

Our first segment is a quick interview with Aline, my wife. We thought it would be great to kick off the series by talking a little about why and how this all came about. Hope you enjoy it.

Be sure to tune in frequently. The next installment of The Playpen in Motion will feature sun, fun and a seafaring snack that no toddler will be able to resist, even when they are as picky as Frankie!


Aline & Matt
Visit our online boutique for the latest in fashion and fun for preemie through toddler

Hello there, Playpen Readers! First I’d like to thank you for having me guest post on this wonderful blog! I’m sure many of you are thoroughly enjoying many of The Playpen posts and surely loving the wonderful baby items Aline and Matt have selected for your precious little ones. Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Hilda and I am a 29-year-old happily married mother of two precious little girls. My husband KC and I have recently been quite busy with our girls Lily Jade (20 months) and Bella Rose (4 months).

Before our first daughter Lily was born, my husband KC and I decided we wanted to make some drastic changes in our lives. One of those changes included leading the way to teaching our children to live with gratitude, humility and with respect for our amazing planet. The lesson began with us making choices that would benefit our health, the Earth and our children’s future. One of our first steps was creating Earth and baby friendly nurseries. Below is my list of ways you can make your nursery Earth and baby friendly.

Thank you

Hilda O. Frank
President/Owner
Green Stuff Connection

Thanks for the informative post, Hilda! We can and should all make an effort to be “greener” in our daily lives, and its inspiring to see people such as yourself taking the initiative to create change! For those of you inspired by this post, please stop by Hilda’s site, and check out RedSparks’ new organic line of products, including our “Green is the New Black” T, Organic Hoshi Bubble for girls and Organic Hoshi Romper for boys.

Aline and Matt