So today I thought I’d close the series by just asking the moms a little something about themselves, and pry a bit deeper into their personal lives because, after all, that’s really what blogging is all about, right? And I also thought I’d take a moment and throw my own two cents in and give my own opinion on this particular topic because, after all, it is my blog, and I haven’t met a person yet who doesn’t love a good compliment; sort of explains my logic in selecting this panel and is my way of saying thanks.

We all have characteristics within ourselves that we are proud of. If you could pass one personality trait from yourself on to each of your children, what would it be and why? How about one personality trait from your spouse or partner?

Mr. Lady
Whiskey In My Sippy Cup

From me? A little bit of artsy-fartsy-ness. I’m no Picasso or Beethoven or Hemmingway, but I’m fairly artistic. I really hope that my kids grow up to have appreciation for art; not just the actual, physical product, but the creative process. From my husband? Athleticism. My husband was a hard core, record-holding athlete in his day, and the man hasn’t met a sport yet he can’t play. I, having the coordination of a Jello mold, find this a very admirable quality in a person. He’s more conscientious and disciplined for having grown up a rigourous athlete, and I hope my kids take some of that from him, too.

Author’s Opinion: Mr Lady is one of the first bloggers I started reading and she will probably be the last. With her ability to twist pop culture and raw emotion into one blog, as well as the possession of wit that could cut glass, I am sure that her children are not only intelligent and well-rounded, but will also buy mom flowers every day on Mother’s Day well into their Golden Years. And that’s something.

Barbara Boucher
TherExtras

Tough question. [And to think I asked for this question over naming my favorite 80’s metal band.]

I am most pleased when I see my children show good social skills. We worked really hard to develop ours theirs. Believing that personality has a strong natural origin (over being learned) I have pretty much resigned myself to accept who they are and the frequent signs of quirks from my side of the family. From my Studly Hubby I most hope they carry his optimism. Always.

Author’s Opinion: Barbara is a straight shooter, and I respect her ability to not conform to the “norms” within the blogosphere. She’s one of the most intelligent women I know; we have joked about my inability to even remotely comprehend her blog on a regular basis; My guess is that any child of hers probably doesn’t buy Cliffs Notes, and any kid would be better of for that.

Kori Jones
See Kori Rant

From me, I would like my children to inherit the belief that no matter what happens in life, things will always get better; there is a cycle to it all, good and bad and it will eventually come back around to good again. As long as we keep getting up and doing the best that we can with what information we have, we can do anything. From my partner? The ability to control his temper, because God knows they aren’t going to learn that from me.

Author’s Opinion: Kori gets down on herself a lot, but the truth is I have never come across an individual with a stronger spirit or a more giving heart. The amount of adversity she has overcome in her life makes my head spin, and she always manages to keep fighting on. Kori is a true inspiration, and her kids will most certainly benefit from her strength and compassion.

McMommy
The McMommy Chronicles

From my husband? How to grill a steak perfectly.

From me?
The appreciation for a good guitar solo in an 80s hair band, a good glass of wine with someone whose conversation you always enjoy, and how when I pee? Yeah, it all MAKES IT INTO THE POTTY! Not on the shower curtain, not gathering in a little puddle on the floor—IN.THE TOILET. (A PSA to Matthew and Carter’s future wives: These two are a work in progress, but hopefully by the time I pass them off to you, we’ll have this little aim situation taken care of. Unless you like living in frat houses. WAIT A SECOND. On second thought, if you DO like living in frat houses, move along. I sure as hell don’t want you marrying MY angelic sons!!)

Author’s Opinion: McMommy is funny, and her blog is light and easy to read. She sees more traffic than Los Angeles on a Friday at 3:45 PM. Because she is a mommy and has some time to write and got lucky? WRONG! She works hard. Mcmommy is shrewd, savvy, professional and frankly, is the best social media marketer I know. A wolf in sheep’s clothing, this one, and don’t let her fool you. Her kids will KILL in business one day if they want to, because McMommy knows what she’s doing. Much respect.

Aline Pfingsten
RedSparks

I’m obnoxiously good with finances. I balance my checkbook down to the last cent and it’s always correct. I should have been an accountant, except then I might be considered boring and I’m certainly not that. So, I really would like for my daughter to learn and appreciate the value of money. Juggling finances and being good at it is an important trait especially later in life when she has a family. As for a personality trait from my spouse, that’s easy. His incredible sense of humor, his ability to make us all crack up at any time, all the time. After eleven years of marriage I can say he can still get me doubled over crying my eyes out. Laughter in a home is a good thing.

Author’s Opinion: Aline is my wife. Knowing my children came from her puts my mind at ease that they will come out OK. We fight once in a while, as do all couples that have been married for as long as we have. But we laugh, too. So hard and so often. I have had the best nights of my life with her, and that’s just because she’s FUN. Not a lot of people are FUN, and I consider myself lucky to have found her. I believe that the NUMBER ONE factor in a successful marriage is that you must enjoy being with your spouse more than anyone else on the planet. And I do. My kids will be fun too, because of her, and there’s a great deal of comfort in that.

This marks the end of my series, and I REALLY enjoyed doing it. Thanks again to all the moms involved; I had a great time. Funny. I have this weird feeling I used to get on closing night of a school play. Lets do it again one day, shall we?

If you’d like to read all of the Time Out series, click the links below for previous discussions.

Time Out – Frustration

Time Out – Preschool

Time Out – Private Time

Time Out – Television

-Matt
RedSparks.com

Let’s talk about television for a minute. We all know that we are supposed to think that it’s bad for kids. In your opinion, is it? How much is too much for kids and what activities do you encourage as an alternative?

Kori Jones
See Kori Rant

We recently acquired cable television after having gone nine years with no television at all; I got rid of television after I realized our entire family was sheduling our day around what was on the TV. Well, that and hearing Bob Dole talk about erectile dysfunction. And, really, nothing has changed; there is still a lot of crap out there on TV, and I think it is our responsibility as intelligent adults (presumably) to weed out the things we don’t want our kids to see and learn. In the years without television, my kids learned to read or play with their toys or play games or (gasp!) go outside, and I have found that hasn’t changed that much. They still do all of those things because TV hasn’t been their primary focus. I do think that TV can be a useful tool, especially if parents are cognizant of the messages being sent out and take pains to reduce their impact of the children.

Mr. Lady
Whiskey In My Sippy Cup

I’m a big fan of tv. I am also a big fan of good grades and exercise. As long as a balance gets struck, I’m okay with it. I used to only let my boys watch tv on Saturday and Sunday, and I found that, come Saturday morning, it was like a FIX by that point. They were so insanely desperate for it that it would consume their whole day. It’s like never giving your kids candy and thereby creating little sugar-crazy maniacs. I let them watch during the week now, but after homework and around outside time. I find that by letting them have it in moderation, they never over-do it.

Aline Pfingsten
RedSparks

I have read that too much TV is bad for kids. And I’m sure to some extent that is true. Before Frankie turned 2 we limited her TV watching to about half hour to an hour a day. She’s always had her favorite shows taped, so we’ve stuck to that and that’s all she would watch. As she got older we became more liberal with the whole thing. My thinking; as long as she shows interest in other activities and is able to focus on them without constantly reverting back to TV then I’m ok with it. Some nights we don’t do TV at all and frankly she hardly minds it. This shows me that she’s not that attached to it. We read or play Wii, cook together or simply hang out and chat about her day at school.

Barbara Boucher
TherExtras

Okay, but only for a minute. [Give me the remote, Matt!]

(You pose a developmental question here, Matt. Are the children 2, 4, 6, 8, 10, 12, 14 or 16 years old?)

In less than a minute: television = all screens; severely limited to pre-approved viewing or co-viewing (might be safer than co-sleeping) for less than 1 hour per day for preschoolers and only on weekends for children over the age of 4. Instead: reading, conversation, play with siblings and toys, planned activities, extracurriculars, play involving movement – skating, bicycling, swinging, swimming. A safe play environment in close proximity to parents.

Pre-set your own rules, for without rules it is a judgment call every.single.day.

Matt, you didn’t ask about texting and time online.

McMommy
The McMommy Chronicles

My kids are not huge television watchers….and not because I don’t encourage, believe me! You know how much it can help to have them watch a show for 30 minutes so you can get a few things done! But what they do love? Computers. They each have their own. My 5 year old loves to fly airplanes on his with Microsoft Flight Simulator. Our almost 3 year old has an old laptop of ours. He plays on www.starfall.com and www.playhousedisney.com. When I walk out in the morning (I am always the last person to get up in this house….SETTLE DOWN ALL YOU GOOD MOMS! It’s not my fault the three of them are morning people and I am not!) it is hilarious….all three of them are at my kitchen counter, sitting on the barstools, each with a laptop in front of them. I love it. Which could be proof that I may love tech geeks more than 80s hair bands.

So, I’m still not sure. Let my daughter watch eight straight hours of Gilligan or not? Weigh in with your thoughts. You know. If you’re not watching Idol.

If you’d like to read more of the Time Out series, click the links below for previous discussions.

Time Out – Frustration

Time Out – Preschool

Time Out – Private Time

-Matt
Online shopping beats TV every time. We all know it. Check out RedSparks.

Most couples experience somewhat of a “down cycle” in their relationship with one another after having children. Is alone time with your partner or spouse a priority to you? What do you, or did you, do to “recharge the batteries” with them? Does it/did it help?

Aline Pfingsten
RedSparks

The last time I went out to a nice dinner with my husband was in October of 2008, so yeah I’d say we’re in a down cycle now. I haven’t gotten much sleep in 7 months and I’m still learning to juggle two kids. And apparently my body no longer belongs to me since I handed it over to my son the day he was born. It’s definitely a priority but our relationship is on a slow track right now, soon it will be back to top of the list. All we need is time alone, the rest will come, we’re good at that. Solution? Find the babysitter we’ve been looking for the past 5 years!

Kori Jones
See Kori Rant

Since I already had three children when I met my current partner, this doesn’t especially apply in the same way-when I had child #4 with my current partner, I was already in parent mode and we had already had to work around that. That said, I DO believe that one-on-one time, without kids, is extremely important. We make a concerted effort to go out alone once a week, be it dinner on Friday or breakfast on Sunday. Also, the hour after the younger two go to bed is ours. I have a really crappy track record, and he has never been in a committed relationship with someone, so it has been interesting and sometimes frustrating to find that balance. However, I have discovered that remembering outside the bedroom why we are together, being two adults who share common interests and can have intelligent conversations, directly affects not just the sexual aspect of our relationship but every other aspect of it as well.

Mr. Lady
Whiskey In My Sippy Cup

HAHAHAHA. Moving on…..

McMommy
The McMommy Chronicles

When I married my husband, I gave him a watch the night before we got married. On the back of the watch, I had it engraved with “My drinking buddy. My friend. My love.” Which may not have been the most romantic thing to engrave on the back of the watch, but it was 100% us. Two kids later, it still holds true. Because nothing is better to my husband and I than opening a bottle of wine, sitting down in our kitchen, and just talking about our day….while our kids run around and tear up the house around us.

The one thing my husband and I don’t agree on? 80s hair bands. I love them. He doesn’t. Which may be grounds for divorce.

Barbara Boucher
TherExtras

Alone time is important to us. No real ‘down cycles’ for us – we married later than most and have always marveled that we found each other. [Mutually we attribute it to Divine Intervention.] Despite not living near relatives when they were young and with few trusted babysitters, we had plenty of alone time in our home when they were asleep. You might say we are easily entertained.

Frankly, alone time for special events or time away has been relatively more difficult to arrange after they became teens. But not a huge stressor for us. [*yawn* Is it bedtime, yet, Dear?]

Clearly “mommy-daddy” time is important to everyone yet, for me, seems so hard to come by after children. I believe strongly that spending alone time with your significant other helps build a solid family foundation yet, as you can see from my wife’s response, sometimes that’s easier said than done. I’d be interested in hearing how anyone else overcomes this problem. It is obviously not something I (we) have mastered.

Thank you for your honesty, ladies of the panel! If you’d like to read more of their answers, click the link below for previous discussions.

Time Out – Frustration

Time Out – Preschool

-Matt
You know, one thing you could to when you’re spending time away from your kids is shop for them online at RedSparks. Relationship-saver, for sure.

1: There has, historically, been a lot of debate regarding whether full-time preschool benefits or harms children in the long term. What are your thoughts on preschool? Is three or four-years-old too early to ship your kid off to school?

Barbara Boucher
TherExtras

It depends. [One of the reasons the students did not like me.]

This is similar to the age old 20th Century question of the benefits/harm of daycare. The parents who are most capable select good preschools – so little-to-no harm done. Parents who are less capable take whatever preschool they get or choose poorly – with the results split for benefit to the children who get better preschool than parenting.

Characteristics of a good preschool: low child/adult ratio, developmentally-based curriculum, stable staff who form attachments with the children, enriched and structured environment. Remarkably similar to staying home with siblings and a parent. Personally, I think part-time preschool is adequate for 3 and 4 year old children. Full-time preschool is euphemism for daycare – the characteristics of which should match the above listed.

Kori Jones
See Kori Rant

Apparently I have missed the entire debate, with all four of my kids. It has never occurred to me that it WOULD harm children; does the teacher have issues with small children? A pointy nose and warts that might frighten them? I can’t think of a single reason pre-school would harm a child. I think that if mom does not work and the child does not attend daycare, pre-school would be a benefit in order to provide socialization skills for three and four year olds. Or to keep mom from completly losing it for at least a few hours a week.

Aline Pfingsten
RedSparks

No debate here, I’m all for it. Especially, if the child is ready. What’s the point of keeping a child at home that is bouncing off the walls? Not to mention benefiting from the social aspect of preschool, a set schedule, learning to make friends etc…. In my case, my daughter Frankie was absolutely ready. Before preschool we did daycare twice a week. I knew that once preschool started it would be an every day, all day thing. Going to daycare gave her the opportunity to get acclimated to slowly being away from home. She loved it. A year later when she school started, she was one of the few kids who didn’t have a hard time with the transition. At that point I felt that I had done everything I could for her at home. The first day of school, although an emotional one for my husband and I, she hardly looked back to say goodbye.

Mr. Lady
Whiskey In My Sippy Cup

I have no idea. What I DO know is that I didn’t send my kids until they were four, and they’re no farther behind or ahead of any of the kids in their classes, and they’ve never been. I am lucky enough to have never NEEDED daycare or preschool, though. I would guarantee you that if you lined up 10 adults, you couldn’t pick out which ones were in preschool and which ones weren’t.

McMommy
The McMommy Chronicles

Ok, am I going to look like the bad mother here because I shipped my then 3 year old off to school 5 mornings a week? And do we have to use the words “shipped off”? It makes me sound even more delinquent. I mean, really, I did feed him breakfast at least before I kicked him out of the minivan and peeled out of the school parking lot.

For the record ALL YOU GOOD MOMS OUT THERE, my son actually loved it. He begged to go “full days”. And this year? He’s going full days and begging me to stay for “after care”. So I don’t think he is going to be harmed at all by attending preschool 5 days a week. If anything, he’s going to surpass me in intelligence very soon.

These are all really good answers in my book. My own particular concern with preschool is weighing two responses to one main question. Does the child benefit more from the education or from additional time at home with his or her parent(s)? My daughter is still four, and I think we’re doing the right thing by having her in school. Yet I have always wondered if she is not so stubborn and so independent as a result of so much time away from home. Time will tell, I suppose. But at least I don’t feel like a jerk now!

Thanks to the Time Out panel for another great discussion! If you’d like to read more of their answers, click the link below for yesterday’s discussion.

Time Out – Frustration

-Matt
If you DO decide to send your child to school, you can get them great clothes here.

Throughout the lives of any of your children, what is the most irritating and frustrating challenge you have experienced in their upbringing? What techniques did/have you used to overcome it?

McMommy
The McMommy Chronicles

My most irritating and frustrating challenge is dealing with two potty-trained boys, their lack of attention to their aim, and my bathroom. I liken it to what I can only assume it must be like to live in a frat house. Or be the poor person who has to clean a bar bathroom Sunday morning.

Mr. Lady
Whiskey In My Sippy Cup

I have one kid that is me, exactly. And it’s the most annoying thing ever. I have to work very hard to not come down on him harder than my other children simply because I see my flaws in him. It’s hard to let him work his way through all of the crap I had to work my way through, independently. Because, really, no one ever wants to look into the mirror that shows them all their flaws, but I went and made one.

Kori Jones
See Kori Rant

My middle son Sam is so terribly bright, very funny, and a natural performer. The biggest frustration has been for me to find a way to challenge his intelligence and let him simply be who he IS, without placing my own expectations on him. At the same time, he is extremely hyper, he has asthma for which he takes medicine that makes him even more so, and he acts out. A lot. So for me, finding a balance between allowing him to express himself fully without crossing the line into outright awful behaviour is really hard. I imagine that Jim Carrey’s mom had the same problems:”Stop with the damn voices already and clean.your.room!” As for how I manage this? Poorly, most of the time. I find myself needing time outs from him on occasion, which doesn’t help the behavior any but allows me to calm down so that I don’t smother him in a fit of rage.

Aline Pfingsten
RedSparks

Potty training (or lack thereof) has been the biggest hurdle I have yet to cross. Boy was I wrong thinking that my daughter would be out of diapers at 2! HA! I thought once she got it, it’s done and over with but no. The potty is not our friend. I’ve gotten great advice; and I’ve read everything there is to know about the subject, yet we still have accidents from time to time. I made some mistakes along the way probably right at the beginning and I’m paying for them now. The kid is almost 5! It’s been frustrating especially when she’s home and avoids going to the bathroom, maybe on purpose? Maybe for attention. I’ve given up on it and don’t react. Somehow, someday she’ll get it.

Barbara Boucher
TherExtras

Meeting the teen years has been the most challenging for us. For something that took more than a decade to creep-up on us, the refusals and back-talking in a person near your own size was as sudden and crushing as a heart attack. Who are you and what have you done with my child?

We suffered greatly from children who did not want to get up in the morning. As with other misbehavior, it seemed like a judgment call every.single.day. To punish or not, that is the question.

How to overcome these stresses? Wait it out. I mean, there’s hope that the teen years will pass. I mean, each of us is proof of that, eh? Endure Persevere. Persevere in believing in yourself and your child’s ability to grow-up despite you because of every single decision you make.

Terrific answers, everyone, thank you. You notice how I led with this question? Not a coincidence. One of the things that I find most fulfilling about writing this blog is the interaction when it comes to this very topic. Whenever I feel like I’m at my wit’s end with my children, my blog is always here to let me know that I am, most certainly not alone. It’s tough, being in charge of someone’s life.

-Matt
This series isn’t about me, but I will say that browsing through the amazing selection of baby clothes at RedSparks, our online shop, always makes it all better.

I’ve assembled five moms from very different backgrounds, each with their own unique take on parenting. Each day, for five days in a row, I will be asking the panel a question regarding parenting, all of which are based on topics that have caused me (and probably other parents) some degree of stress or concern in the upbringing of my children. I will post all of their answers to the question each day, and encourage everyone to join into the debate. I respect each and every one of these women a great deal, and I am honored to have them as participants, even if I did have to beg, lie and bribe to get them all involved.

LET’S MEET THE GUEST MOMS!

Mr. Lady
Whiskey In My Sippy Cup

Mr Lady is someone’s mother, three times over, and someone’s wife, just once so far. She likes to type and loathes ironing, so blogging’s worked out pretty well for her.

McMommy
The McMommy Chronicles

Kids: Matthew (5) & Carter (3 next month)
Favorite 80′s hairband album: Poison’s Look What the
Cat Dragged In
Likes: pina coladas, getting caught in the rain, and commenters
Dislikes: stepping on Matchbox cars, running out of wine, and Jay Leno replacing Conan O’Brien

Barbara Boucher
TherExtras

Summarizes her career as “been there done that” in the world of pediatric occupational and physical therapy. Barbara feels that blogging is WAY more fun than teaching graduate students to become physical therapists. She done did that, too. [Bloggers are much more respectful than know-it-all students.] “Even with PhD behind my name they still thought they knew more than me,” states Barbara. “The few students who had children of their own understood WAY over the others. Mommies know everything. I learn from other Mommies and give them what I know.”

Kori Jones
See Kori Rant

A working mom of four writing her thoughts about politics, religion, and everthing in between

Aline Pfingsten
RedSparks

Co-founder of RedSparks online baby boutique (yes, the little business attached to this very blog). Favorite things include spending time with her four-year-old daughter, Frankie and seven-month-old son, Dominick, Led Zepplin and getting together with friends at new restaurants for drinks (which she has not done in almost five years). Aline is also a certified chocolate snob, and will turn up her nose at anything less than delectable, high-quality confection.

Clearly, I am lucky to have such a distinguished panel of intelligent and compelling women taking part in my little series here. I encourage everyone to tune in each day and take part in what is sure to be a very interesting discussion. Thank you, ladies, I’m looking forward to it!

-Matt
While you’re waiting for Monday so you can start reading this awesome series, why not pop over to RedSparks and check it out for yourself?