Hmmmm…..what to post today. Let me think about it. Hang on a minute….no, never mind. Wait! I think I just had an idea….
You read it right. Half off everything in our online baby store, RedSparks, today only. And we’re online, so you don’t have to camp overnight, get in fistfights or shove belligerent moms out of the aisle and into the toilet paper display at Wal-Mart. Score.
-Matt
“Where did you lose it, daddy?” she asked me as the car rolled along quietly through the chilly LA morning sunshine on the way to her school.
I paused for a moment, realizing that I had just opened a far-too-complex conversation with a four-year-old, then replied “I didn’t actually lose it, sweetie, like the way you lose a toy or a doll. They just decided they didn’t need me any more so I won’t be going back there.”
“What about your board? Can I still draw on your big white board?” she asked.
“No. Not on that one. That board belongs to them. It’s OK, we have markers and a smaller board at home. You can still use those.”
The questions kept coming. “So where will you go after you drop me off after school?”
“I’ll go back home, kiddo.” I aswered.
“You’ll work at home?”
“If I can,” I said, now regretting what I had gotten myself into. “The last time this happened to daddy, before you were born, I did pretty well for a while doing graphic design and consulting.” I immediately felt a bit foolish for expecting my daughter to understand the concept of “consulting”, but she took pity on me and let it go.
We drove in silence for several minutes, each of us wrapped up in our own thoughts before she asked another question.
“So you’ll just take me to school and then be at home? For how long?”
“Hopefully not too long, but the last time this happened it was a lot longer than I thought so, yes, I’ll be at home for a while.”
Thoughts whirled in my mind as I awaited her response, and with a furrowed brow and a heavy heart I began to formulate complicated answers to what I expected to come next; explanations of the term “recession”, a model of typical corporate downsizing in a cash-poor financial structure and why middle-management marketing was no place for a person to be these days. How was I going to let her know all of this would be OK? Why did I even bring it up to a four-year-old?
Finally, after careful thought, she shouted her reply.
“YAAAAY! Now we can play together all the time!!!!”
I smiled a little knowing that, once again, her point of view was the better one.
-Matt
The economy is hitting us pretty hard. Let’s face it, it’s hitting everyone pretty hard. Cost of living in Los Angeles has seen a very dramatic increase over the last three years and wages have either remained stagnant, decreased, or people have lost their jobs altogether. All of this, coupled with the weight of being completely responsible for the lives to two children has been causing me a great deal of stress lately. As a friend so aptly put it the other day, “I’m doing everything I can to succeed, but I still feel like I am just waiting for things to turn around,” and I couldn’t have agreed with him more.
Because I have an amazing wife, the second Aline returned home from her girls outing a while ago, she began pushing me to get out with a friend of mine next. Granted, that may be in part because she was anxious to go out again, but it didn’t matter because she was sweet, supportive and patient and insisted that I have a good time, and I thank her for that. I took her up on her offer and, yesterday, enjoyed a round of golf with one of my best buddies of 32 years.
I don’t have any particularly funny stories to tell, or any deep, emotional discoveries to talk about. What I can say is that I learned, after I returned home, how much I needed a day like that. The weather was absolutely beautiful; it was one of those days where I actually admit to myself that there are things I still love about Los Angeles. There was cold beer, a lot of laughing, cigars and conversation. And it was the conversation, I think, that I found to be the most refreshing. For some reason I expected our entire round to be dominated with talk of the economy, poor investments, rising costs of living, loss of bonuses and the like; I believe my buddy’s financial situation to be very similar to my own. Surprisingly, aside from some light small talk, it barely even came up. It’s almost as if, sometime after I dunked my first ball into the lake on the fairway of the third hole and we had a good laugh, we both realized that this wasn’t about those things. It was about escaping them. And it worked.
The entire day we just joked, relaxed, hacked away and let the sun shine lazily down on us as the breeze blew the smell of fresh cut grass under our noses. It was more therapeutic than I ever imagined it would be; god’s prescription for what ailed us both, I suppose.
My friend and I used to be pretty damn good golfers, believe it or not, back in the days before children and mortgages. Back when we had the time to spend hours and hours on a course, honing our skills. Yesterday, though, we hit balls into lakes, off trees, into sand traps and cart paths, over fences and even into other golfers. But you know what? I think it was the best game of golf I have ever played.
-Matt
We have some cool baby golf-inspired clothes at our online boutique, RedSparks. Play through and check it out!
Sometimes I worry about my kids. Not for all the usual reasons that one might think, but simply that growing up in the post-digital revolution has its disadvantages, and is not all good. Most reading this are in the same unique position that I am. We have the advantage of knowing, embracing and using all the current technologies available today (let’s face it, we’ve all joked about how complicated our kids’ video games are today, but if we really wanted to we could sit down, take a pull from the honey bear and completely kick ass in Halo in no time if we wanted to), but we also have the benefit of remembering what things were like before the internet exploded. We remember rotary telephones, carbon paper, Brother typewriters and the U.S. Postal Service. And there are advantages to that. Take email for example. I have noticed that people in a corporate environment have begun to use email as a tool for avoidance, and are slowly forgetting the art of confrontation. Too many times I have received a scathing email from an individual in my office, with the entire legislative branch of the United States Government c.c.’d for maximum damage, only to confront that person face to face and find that they cannot even look me in the eye, and often back pedal out of their stance in a display of cubicle cowardice. Technology can take away bits and pieces of our humanity, and this worries me.
That’s why I have decided that my children, come rain or come shine, will not only know what the following 10 items are, but will love them. I do not care if their friends laugh and poke fun at them, or call me a fossil. Knowledge is power, and that works with the past as well as the present and future. Here we go:
Matt’s Kids’ Retro-10 Checklist
1. Chemistry Set. I haven’t seen a (real) chemistry set on a mainstream toy store shelf in over two decades. Probably because legal weasels got ahold of the companies that made them, waited for some kid to singe his hand on a Bunsen burner trying to see what burned sulfer smelled like, and sued them out of business. Stupid. I learned so much from my chemistry set that, even with the occasional “incident,” I still utilize a lot of that knowledge today.
2. Kick the Can. Pop quiz: How many hours a day did I sit in front of the TV and play Xbox when I was eight? Answer: None. Instead we played active, social childrens’ games like hide and seek and kick the can. Not only were they a blast, but we made new friends playing them and ran all….day….long. And, unlike Atari 2600, these games are still fun when you play them now.
3. Chess. OK. Granted, this is not so much a retro throwback and is still very much alive today, but I’d bet there are less kids playing it, even knowing how to play it now then when I was a kid. And in addition to sharpening a child’s ability to think strategically and apply logic, it allows them to spend a solid block of uninterrupted time with their father or mother, which is a very, very good thing.
4. EASY-BAKE Oven. No, not necessarily for Frankie, but for my son, Dominick, as well. Boys need to know how to cook, so they can get chicks in high school and keep them in marriage. The EASY-BAKE is still very much alive and well, and isn’t quite as gender-biased as it used to be. I LIKE the EASY-BAKE for both of them because it provides an actual reward for one’s efforts that can be shared with friends.
5. Big Wheels. I could be wrong on this one due to geographic limitations, so please correct me if I am. Here in Los Angeles, I haven’t seen a Big Wheel in over 15 years. This may be because there is so much traffic and a 45 minute car ride is required to play with one’s friends, but they are not here. If they have died out, I’m bringing them back. My Big Wheel provided me a tremendous amount of exercise and some of the best memories I ever had, even after the front wheel got old and got a flat spot on it.
6. Letters. I love paper. I buy really, really expensive thank you notes. It’s a vice and I actually think its kind of cool. After our recent trip home to visit my family, I wrote a whole mess of them to thank people for their hospitality and gifts. Not only was my hand killing me, but I made a ton of mistakes. I am forgetting how to write. And if I am forgetting, my kids aren’t even going to know how. Everything has a keyboard these days and, after a certain grade, they won’t ever pick up a pencil again. My kids? Are going to write letters. A lot.
7. Sockem Boppers. Pretty much faded away because they “promote unhealthy, aggression-based relationships between siblings.” But you know what REALLY promotes that type of relationship? My sister tearing up my ’58 Mickey Mantle All-Star card and then telling on me for stealing one of my mom’s valentine’s day chocolates. My sister and I would pop on the Sockem Boppers and go at it whenever we got mad at each other and had a lot of fun doing it. I see nothing wrong with it at all, and find it amusing that, in certain circles, grown adults pay $250.00/hr for this same type of therapy.
8. Shogun Warriors. OK, I don’t really think this is a great toy for my kids at all. I just wanted to talk about them because I had them and they were awesome and they were huge and Raydeen shot an iron-cutting fist and missiles across the kitchen at 80 miles per hour. Yeah, I was a little nerdy. Why do you ask?
9. Books. I have heard so many people over the last ten years, even people my own age and older say “I’m just not a reader.” Just so you know, when you speak that phrase to me, my mind automatically processes and translates it as “I big dummy.” I am ok, if my children read The Great Brain series and Harry Potter on a Kindle, I’m all about the environment. But, dad gummit, those kids will read.
10. Pizza Parlors. I will roam the earth until I find one. About once a month, my family would go out at night together, be it in the warmth of summer or the freezing snow, sit in Ken’s Pizza and enjoy ourselves some pie. There were little red glass candles, checkered table cloths, heavy dark wood and stained glass. It was about laughing, talking and connecting as a family, not about giant stuffed mice, germy rides and climbers, flashing lights and buzzers or tickets. These are some of my favorite memories when my family was all together, and I want my children to remember the same thing.
I believe all of the things I listed to be important (except for the Shogun Warrior, of course), but certainly have miles and miles more of things just like this. What are some of your favorite toys, games or activities from your childhood and, if you have children, do they enjoy these things too?
-Matt
As it turns out, all of those people who smiled at us warmly, patted our hands and said “Don’t worry. The second child is much easier,” were totally screwing with us, and are probably reading this somewhere in their homes right now laughing at us hysterically. Dom has not started sleeping more and, in point of fact, is actually waking up every two hours all…night…long. This has a profound effect on my wife’s well-being, not to mention on her schedule. Every so often, in the mornings, my incessant son will allow her the esteemed privilege of enjoying the whirlwind of whining that is preparing my daughter for school, but most days the responsibility falls into my court.
I am tired. I cannot, in good conscience, complain about being tired because, until my wife gets a bit more sleep, she most certainly has it worse. However the fact does remain that two kids takes a lot out of both parents, and I’d be lying if I said that I wasn’t feeling some of the effect. This is the reason why, last night when my daughter was engrossed in NickJr.com and mentioned that she wanted to skip her bath, I willingly obliged and enjoyed 20 minutes of the Saints/Falcons game on Monday Night Football. A rare treat these days. This little detail, which may seem slightly extraneous at the moment, will mean a great deal as I continue my story.
Daylight Savings is the anti-christ. At least when you have children. I remember fondly the days when Aline and I would cherish the extra hour, looking at the clock, smiling and nestling back into the blankets for a blissful 60 minutes, free of charge. With kids, however, that hour matters. The first words out of my mouth this morning when I woke with a start to see Frankie hovering over me at 5:40 A.M. were “Frankie? Tonight we are going to learn how to tell time.”
Aline had endured a particularly rough night with Dom, so I begrudgingly trudged through Frankie’s morning school routine, my persona completely devoid of any real motivation or fight. I gave her a bagel and, when I glanced at the cream cheese smeared all over her mouth upon having finished it, let my head fall back to the couch cushion and thought to myself “Forget it. It’ll be easier to clean off when it dries.”
As I was getting her into her uniform, I noticed that I had inadvertently selected the “bad polo” that she wears under her jumper. It’s bad in that there is a big marker stain on the collar that will not come out. We keep it for emergencies. Since it was slightly chilly this morning and she would be wearing her sweatshirt over it, I decided to let it go. No one would notice.
Because I allowed her to skip her bath the night before, her hair was a mess. About halfway through me trying to brush out the tangles with her complaining loudly in my ear I simply gave up and wrapped the whole mess up in a pseudo-pony tail and finished it off two hair ties to hold it in place. A red and an orange.
Finally, because she was so tired and so whiny, I gave in to her demands and let her select a piece of her Halloween candy to enjoy in the car on the way to school. A grape lollipop. What the hell. At least it would keep her quiet.
I was starting to feel much better, and even had a little bounce in my step as I was walking her from the car to her classroom. By the time I reached it I was in such a good mood I burst in, a huge smile on my face and shouted “Good morning, everybody!”
Her teacher smiled at me, looked at Frankie, then back at me. I held her gaze, bobbing my head with that huge grin still plastered on my face for about another thirty seconds before finally asking “What?”
“Um. It’s picture day today. Picture day,” she said.
Now completely serious, I looked at my daughter as my heart sank. There she stood in all her glory. Crusted cream cheese, tangled hair, a stain on her shirt and a purple mouth and teeth. I couldn’t believe it. What made her haggard and unkempt appearance so much worse was that I couldn’t even say I had forgotten picture day. I didn’t even know. Sure, we had the form at home and I suppose I could have looked at it, but I did not. To add insult to injury, I had no cash and no checkbook, so my daughter’s teacher had to write a check for me. That’s right. I’m in to Miss Cindy for $37.00. With juice.
I made the drive back home with my head hung low and my heart pounding, playing out the scene in my mind of me telling my wife what I had done to our poor hopeless daughter on picture day and fearing for my life, wondering what I could possibly say that would make this right.
All I could come up with was “Thank God for Photoshop.”
Matt
My daughter normally looks brilliant. That’s because she wears clothing from our online store, RedSparks!.
Believe it or not, The Playpen actually started as a blog that was to be 100% dedicated to our baby clothing business, RedSparks (could that really have been over two years ago??). As it turned out, I actually kind of started to enjoy writing all kinds of crazy stuff on it, snatched it forcefully out of my wife’s hands and shoved her away while shouting “MINE!” and haven’t looked back since. But since we are going through a “sharing-education” period with our daughter at the moment, I decided it would be best to practice what I preach. So, with no further ado, I’m happy to announce a new segment that will pop up from time to time, Aline’s Antics. The Playpen is, after all, sort of a mommy blog, and I think it’s great to have a mommy’s perspective once in a while. Plus, try as I might, I simply cannot bring myself to post about mascara. Enjoy! – Matt
Hi all!
It’s great to have a voice again here on The Playpen. I hope to be able to get one of these up once a month. Let’s see if my newborn son will allow me the time, or if my husband will allow me the opportunity, to keep it up! First, business.
Why I like Picaflor Kids.
Picaflor is 100% rayon, which is a terrific and more environmentally-friendly alternative to cotton. When I pick product lines for the site I always keep in mind to select wearability without sacrificing style. Picaflor washes and wears beautifully, is machine-washable and dryer-friendly. Plus, most of the line features fun, bold colors that kiddos and parents love. It’s also one of the few “dressy” lines in the market that offers preemie sizes; something that is very near and dear to my heart. They also support sustainable manufacturing through fair-trade practices, and a percentage of their profits are directed to charities that benefit children in Peru. How can you argue with that?
My favorite this season from Picaflor? Our lilac striped lily dress.
A simple girly dress. Of course Frankie must have one . OK, enough of that.
Other things that I’m into this month:
1. See’s Candies blueberry truffle. I don’t really need to say anything about these. If you are a chocolate snob like I am, you will just instantly understand.
2. Halloween is coming up, I’m shopping for black and white tights for Frankie’s witch outfit and some cool black boots that won’t break the bank account. If you ever need striped tights of any color, check out www.welovecolors.com. Very cool site with lots of neat variety.
3. Also this month we have the cousins over for Halloween, so Frankie will have a companion to go trick or treating with. I love how excited she gets about sitting on the porch to give out candy. It’s my favorite part of the night, and it makes me happy that she’s more into giving than receiving, at least for the time being. We haven’t had company for Halloween in a while so I’m currently looking for fun cookie recipes and snacks. Anyone got any bright ideas? (Oh, I also have to be able to prepare them in the next hour or so, so there’s that detail.)
We’ve decided to paint our nails black, Frankie wants spider designs on hers. The challenge is to make it to the night with the nail polish still on since she immediately likes to pick the designs off. Go figure.
4. My new black mascara, LashBlast Hydrofuge by CoverGirl, makes my lashes absolutely scandalous. You must buy some right now.
5. Last but not least, I finally got to go out with a couple of my girlfriends
I hadn’t done that in so long…too long. It’s what I needed to get me out of my new baby rut. We had Sunday brunch and, of course, enjoyed a few Mimosa’s.
It was a beautiful day, good food and great company, what else can a girl ask for?
I look forward to writing this new segment on The Playpen. Introducing and discussing lines we carry on the site is one of my favorite things to do, as well as sharing a few helpful tips here and there along the way. Thanks for reading!
-Aline
There are a few posts that every blogger is required to write by law. As a good friend recently pointed out, “The Post in Which I Loose All My Readers” is the first. After that I’m pretty sure that “The Post About Nothing” is the second, and “Random Things” is the third. Never one to break from tradition, I have decided to obey that law.
We traveled back home to St Louis to visit my family last week. The last time we did this it was with one child, and things did not go well. This time, with two, I was expecting the worst. Fortunately the moon was in the seventh house and Jupiter aligned with Mars because both kids were little travel cherubs, and the trip could not have gone more smoothly. Frankie was completely stoked to be flying on the big airplane and spent most of her time coloring,
and Dominick basically just ate and crashed the whole time.
Mommy got to have a little chill time with some friends of ours,
and daddy did too.
Frankie and her friend spent time off by themselves doing girl things,
and Dominick just checked out the scene.
Because of the time difference I was awake to see the sun rise on the first day or two, but my stepdad’s wicked-awesome metal bird sculptures kept me company while I drank coffee outside and waited for the others to get up (They’re for sale, by the way…so is his awesome other work. Just thought I’d throw that in there.)
Pretty good trip, I’d say…I’m glad we went.
The problem is that, since I’ve been back, I have lost all interest in things electronic, including the internet. Traveling and visiting family does that to me. Being away, disconnecting, jabbering away until the wee hours of the night with friends and family and eating big breakfasts with grandparents always places the laptop squarely onto the back burner.
So here I sit, looking at a white page half-full of not too much, struggling for content that will not only entertain, but that will also ignite the little literary pilot light that burns inside me from time to time, and cannot do it. So I thought I’d take the easy way out and just flat-out talk about myself. I don’t have to think about it and it will buy me some time until I actually have to think of something good. 10 things about myself that almost no one knows. Here we go.
1. I love glowing yellow light at night. Think paper lanterns, the Swiss Family Robinson Treehouse and old Japanese homes nestled in the forest. Love it.
2. I used to use a body wash from the Gap called Grass. It smelled like a lawn that had just been mowed. I loved it and was really pissed when they discontinued it.
3. I am a master of electronics and can handle almost any home theater setup but cannot, for the life of me, keep my Bluetooth headset charged.
4. Once, for Halloween, I went full drag as a French Maid. After my girlfriend (yep, it was Aline) did all my makeup and I put on my wig I looked in the mirror and was very, very bothered by how hot I was.
5. I eat way too many eggs.
6. If she were real, I would leave my wife for Princess Jasmine.
7. I throw up if I ride in a car or a train sideways.
8. Birds, of any kind, make me incredibly uncomfortable. I also think that all birds are dirty. I do not know why.
9. When someone else is talking, and they start to get that little phlegmy, gurgly sound in their voice, I subconsciously clear my own throat and continue to do so until they clear theirs.
10. My largest character flaw is that I will immediately begin laughing uncontrollably the second anyone falls down, regardless of whether or not I know if they have hurt themselves.
So there you go. Don’t worry, I’ll come up with something better on the next one. 
-Matt
Don’t forget to check out our online baby boutique, RedSparks. It’s dope.
Maybe you don’t need a lavish party.
Maybe you don’t need fancy gifts.
Maybe you don’t need wine, or a ring or laser lights or craziness.
Maybe I’l believe tonight what you tell me. When you put yourself aside, for the thousandth time, and say that you’re just fine with what you have.
Maybe I’l be OK with the fact that, after so many years, so many wonderful memories, it’s the thought that counts.
Maybe I’ll forget that I wasn’t able to do something special for you on this special day.
Maybe I’ll let it go.
Or maybe I’ll remember this day. This day when you stood so strongly, so willingly, beside me, caring for our children and caring for our home. This day when I wanted so badly to buy you the world and was not able to; to which you laughed and told me not to bother. This day when I hurt inside because I couldn’t show you how much I love you, and how much I want for you the very best that life has to offer.
Maybe I’ll remember.
And maybe, one day when the fog has cleared and, once again, I can prove my eternal debt to you in the only way I know how, I will look back on this day and make up for a shameful absence of appreciation tenfold.
Because you deserve it. And because I will always, until the day I die, strive for you to have it.
Happy Birthday, Aline. I wish I could give you more.
I love you. Then, now, and forever.
-Matt
If I had the time…ok, lets start again. If I had the drive, I would conduct a massive experiment that stats the biorhythms of a large group of bloggers to determine whether or not there is a pattern in their posting habits. It’s been raining here, and I have been feeling a bit flat. The thing is, it seems to me that everyone is in the same boat. My reader was as lifeless as Bob Dole all weekend. Do the seasons affect moods, which subsequently affect posting habits? Is there a global blog-consciousness that connects us all? I think so. One day, I’ll prove it. Anyway, in digging through my files I found a lovely post that was written by my mom after her last visit. I, of course, am only posting it now and doing so selfishly to avoid having to write anything of substance myself. Sorry mom. It’s a good post though, and I DID say I might save it for a rainy day. – Matt
When a new baby comes along and he requires Mom’s home cooking rather than bottles, Nana doesn’t get to spend as much time with him. But we have met and I have fallen in love. During my two week stay at his house I changed him and rocked him and figured out what to do when he wasn’t hungry or wet but still yelling about some mysterious complaint. “Nana’s Golden Position” is to hold him out in front of me with my left hand under his head and my right hand under his bottom. The required movement is then to bounce his feet against my belly until he stops crying. My lost time at the gym was negligible since this works one’s biceps unmercifully. It usually quieted him down so I could hold him close as he fell asleep, pulling his knees up and turning himself into a tiny human bowling ball as he dosed peacefully. A caveat: do not wear sequined tee as this leaves red polka dots across a soft baby cheek.
For two weeks I watched him grow in strength both vocal and physical. He has a great future as an NFL field kicker or a champion hog caller. He lives in a very busy household, but his big sister as well as his mom and dad are devoted to looking out for him as best they can. And that is something a grandmother doesn’t take for granted but is extremely grateful for. One thousand eight hundred and forty-four miles away, I can rest easy about that.
Grandmothers must give equal time to all grandchildren; that is written in stone. But with Mom taking care of Baby Boy so much, I got to spend a great deal of time with big sister Frankie. So when my visit was over and I was being dropped off at the air port shuttle bus, Frankie looked so sad. Even as I smiled and kissed her good-by, babbling unsuccessful reassurances like, “I’ll see you soon. You can come to Nana and Papa’s house next time” (What does “soon” mean to a four year old?), her mouth turned down and I swear even the corners of her usually bright brown eyes drooped. These partings take a lot out of all of us. For two weeks we had baked Snickerdoodles, read books, watched “Caillot” episodes on TV (a new discovery for a grandmother with no reason back home to watch kid shows), and taken long “gathering” walks around the neighborhood.
This last activity remains one of the most dramatic examples of how much she has changed. She and I have taken long walks three times over her short life time. The first when she was two years old and she ran, not walked around the whole block. The second time she was three and didn’t want to stay on the sidewalk or hold my hand and continued to gravitate toward puddles of dirty water. Now she is four and this time we brought along a plastic bag and “gathered” our way for an hour of careful observation. Magnolia seed pods and their fuzzy outer coverings, leaves small and large (These last make great fans on a warm sunny day), discarded labels and bottle caps, small lost beads, dead rolly polly bugs (wood lice, for those who prefer more accurate labels). Apparently dead bugs are ok because live ones send her running and screeching. She is unbelievably eagle-eyed and patient, spotting the most minute shiny blue rhinestone in a crack in the sidewalk and slowly dislodging it then carrying it home in her sweaty little hand rather than in the bag where it might get lost.
The differences in our walks are a measuring stick of growth and maturity. I wonder if next time I can skip the warnings, “Not that piece of glass; it has sharp edges. Not that plastic bottle; it has germs.” And maybe next time we can take “Baby Boy” with us in the stroller.
So at the airport shuttle when we said good-bye she looked so sad but didn’t cry. I am sure Matthew gave her the same type pep talk I had before they drove away because by the time he rolled down her window so she could yell out “Bye, Nana,” she was smiling and waving.
I, on the other hand, was having an awful time.
-Nana
I love Tim Burton. Not only did he attend my alma mater, which instantly makes me dark and cool by association, but his movies are terrific; Coraline is one of the best movies I have ever seen, hands down. One of my dearest blog friends, Barbara at TherExtras, is hosting a pseudo-carnival which, after finally figuring out the rules, I decided to enter. I never win anything when I post about poop, so hopefully this one will get me her cool Nightmare Before Christmas Collector’s Edition.
Children don’t play anymore. We, as parents, think our children play, of course, but the definition of the term has changed and this has serious developmental consequences.
It is no secret that active and exploratory play assists dramatically in social and cognitive development in children; research has supported this statement for decades. Think about what ‘play’ means to you as it pertains to your own childhood for a moment. Chances are you will remember some of the same things I do, Playdough, cops and robbers, cowboys and Indians; general make-believe imaginative activities. Our children, however, do not play in this manner. At least not as often as we used to.
According to the American Psychology Association and a report published recently by a non-profit group called the Alliance For Childhood, today’s kindergarteners in New York and Los Angeles (the geographical targets of the study) receive less than a half-hour of “choice time” per day. This term refers to unstructured, free play time during which the child can choose freely what type of activity to engage in. It extends out of the classroom as well. These same children receive an average of eight fewer hours of unrestricted play per week than did children 20 years ago. While children today do engage in developmental activities throughout the day, unrestricted play is lost to sports, video games and computer-based learning programs.
What is the difference? Simple. Exploratory play is better. This is not new thinking or aggressive avant-garde child-development theory, it is fact. Children respond better and more quickly to active, free and exploratory play than they do to instructor-based lectures or “edutainment” toys, and research has supported this since before I was born. In a study published in Developmental Psychology just last year, a group of preschool-aged children were shown magnets that would stick to a metal table. When the children were handed de-magnetized versions, they became very interested in why they would not stick, and played with them longer in an attempt to learn how they were different than the ones that would. Inversely, the group of preschoolers who had the de-magnetized versions explained to them beforehand by a teacher knew they would not stick before they were handed to them and lost interest in both types of magnets very quickly, also losing knowledge that would have been gained by playing with them for a longer period of time, such as physical properties, polarization, etc.
Why then, if we know that exploratory play is better, do we continue to push our children into framed educational environments, force feed them “edutainment” toys and structure their play? Fear. Child development researchers feel that this phenomenon stems from the basic fear of falling behind.
To me, this holds a great deal of water. Consider the advertisements we are barraged with on a daily basis. Two in particular come to mind. The first is a transitional segment that I see repeatedly on the Noggin network. It features a montage of clips from Noggin’s daily preschool lineup, and is voiced-over by a number of parents explaining how proud and impressed they are by their child’s knowledge. “…I pulled up to a stop sign and my three-year-old said ‘Look, Mommy. Octagon!’” gushes one voice. Another is that of a proud father explaining how his toddler knows the Spanish word for “red” and how amazed he is at this. The second example (the product shall remain nameless as I do not support it) is for an infant reading program that features one-year-old babies “reading” two and three-syllable words off cards. I remain skeptical as to whether the babies are actually interpreting the letters and not simply recognizing the shape of the word form, as they would with sign language, but the goal of the program is clear – get your child reading as soon as you can! As a result of this fear, LeapFrog, a company which makes toddler laptops and other so-called developmental toys (which, by the way, my daughter has never played with for more than 30 seconds) saw it’s annual sales quadruple from 2000-2006. Advertising has instilled a fear in us that, if we miss those precious early years during which our children’s minds are so absorbent and so thirsty for knowledge, our kids will fall behind, and we’re buying it up like tobacco.
“Hey! Matt!” you ask. “I thought you were gonna do some cute Halloween thing. This post sucks.” Hang in there. I will come to the point.
Halloween, and costumes in particular, speak to the exact opposite developmentally. The costume itself, while it may just seem cute and fun, actually benefits the child a great deal more than it may seem. Dr. Laurie Zelinger, a licensed child psychologist, states that dress-up “fosters the imaginative processes, and allows for play without rules or script. Dress-up allows for experimentation, role play or fantasy.” She also points out that it can reveal possible inner conflicts or trauma, based on how the child expresses the particular role he plays. Additionally, dressing up can assist in conscience development; when a child sets up and “follows” a set of rules he has created for himself based on his character (i.e. – “No, I can’t fly, but I can run super-fast and have laser eyes!”)
Dress up, along with other types of free-exploratory play, allow a child to “stretch” the way his mind works. It forces the child to set his own structure and his own “rules” and, in doing so, allows him to develop in a more gestalt manner.
Am I suggesting that sending your child out for one night in a bedsheet with two holes cut out of it will make him a genius? Not in the least. Children do need information and they do need the guidance of parents and teacher to help them receive it. I am, however, suggesting that a child will benefit from how we choose to provide them that information, and that the child who is allowed to experiment, discover and fail on his own will blossom developmentally more quickly than a child who is spoon fed the information by teachers or computers.
My own daughter proves this theory for me on an almost-daily basis. I mentioned that she hates her LeapFrog laptop. It’s not only that item. She almost immediately loses interest in essentially any item that instructs her or guides her. In contrast, she will sit on the edge of our porch and play with seashells, two plastic horses (that do nothing) and a handful of dish towels for hours. I don’t fully know the extent of what is involved in this particular game, except that all the items have names, talk to each other, and seem to take a lot of naps. Whatever she is dreaming up while the horses trample the dish towels and the seashells are sleeping is coming 100% straight from her, and she is growing from it.
In my opinion, Maria Montessori had it right, and most of the premises behind her method have become more important than ever. This year for Halloween, my daughter is going to be a witch with an orange face and pink hair (assuming she still wants to do that come the 31st) and I am certain that, in addition to having a terrific time and consuming large amounts of sugar, we will all have a very clear definition of what the orange-faced, pink-haired witch talks like, who her friends are, what she eats and what her special powers are by the end of the evening. My daughter will have created an entire “witch world” completely from her imagination rather than conforming to the pre-determined environments of Dora the Explorer or Wow Wow Wubzy. I believe that there is a great deal of benefit in this for her, both now and in the future, and suggest not limiting costume time to one specific day, rather allow it on any day. Use gloves, sunglasses, hats, towels, old shoes…whatever you have lying around. Doing so will help your child understand how they can build their own minds, instead of us doing it for them.
As the authors of The Scientist In The Crib so aptly put it, “”We want to understand children, not renovate them.”
-Matt
If you’re out of dress-up ideas, check out our online baby store, RedSparks!.
