The Playpen

As many of you know, my wife and I started The Playpen as a resource for parents, new and old–particularly those of preemies.

Now, we are asking for your help

But first, I thought I’d give you some quick and interesting preemie statistics and hopefully provide some thought-provoking insight into the “world” of premature babies.

1. Babies are considered premature when born at 37 weeks or earlier


2. In the U.S., prematurity is the leading cause of neonatal mortality at 25%


3. Nearly half of all premature births have no known cause


4. The rate of preterm births in the U.S. has increased by 30% in the last 20 years


5. The average cost for caring for a premature infant in its first year is $77,000


6. The average cost of care for a full-term baby is $1,700


7. Number of preterm births in the U.S. per year: 500,000


8. Being poor, African-American, under 17 or over 30 can increase your risk of having a preterm delivery by more than 50%


9. African-American baby girls born weighing 2.2 pounds or less are more than twice as likely to survive as white baby boys born at the same weight


10. 1 out of every 10 babies born in the U.S. is premature.

Having gone through this experience ourselves, we know how incredibly stressful and emotionally testing it can be. When Frankie was in the NICU, one of the things we used to enjoy the most was looking at all of the photographs of babies who had been through the unit before us, leading happy lives as older children.

With this in mind, we’d like to ask for your help. We are starting a new preemie segment on The Playpen entitled “The Preemie Adventure – Then and Now.” The series will feature a picture of premature infants at birth, along with a photo of the child at present day, along with a brief story from the parents describing their personal experiences with preterm birth.

If you would like to participate in “The Preemie Adventure”, please comment here or drop either of us an email: matt[at]redsparks.com or aline[at]redsparks.com.

There isn’t that much required, just a paragraph or two and some photos (which we KNOW you have thousands of). Please help us get this off the ground, and thanks in advance.

Matt and Aline
Please stop by and check out our adorable line of clothing for preemies at our online boutique!

Today, my first post as a contributing author on Discovering Dad went live! If you haven’t checked out Jeremy’s site, I recommend it. It’s a fantastic resource for fathers and a wonderful community. The general theme of my post was coming to terms with the responsibility of being a new father, and what type of changes to expect.

I thought I would do a different version of that theme here on The Playpen from a more lighthearted perspective. So here they are. Matt’s top ten changes you can expect as a new father:

1. You will no longer blast your own music in your car. My iPod contains about 80 GB of music. Around 20 MB of that is my daughter’s. That 20 MB is played approximately 99.98% of the time. This rule also applies to your DVDs.

2. You will develop an affinity for fish sticks, mac-n-cheese and popsicles. You will also discover that you can make over 780 unique dishes using only these three ingredients and some chocolate sprinkles.

3. Three Words. Body. Mass. Index. Better hit the XXL section next time you’re at Target.

4. Increased estrogen level. I am sure there must be scientific evidence to support this. You will catch yourself speaking to your child in a feminine, high-pitched voice in places where it is not appropriate for a man do be doing so…like Best Buy.

5. You will lose all of your current knowledge of NFL football. Your child-less friends will have heated discussions about passer ratings, draft picks and the best blocking fullbacks in the league, and you will feel left out completely. In order to cover your embarrassment, you will blurt out something like “Yeah, well Swiper took a mitten today and I found it behind the tree in less than ten seconds!” This will eliminate your embarrassment as it will immediately sever your relationships with your child-less friends.

6. You will inevitably end up sitting alone on the couch watching Wonder Pets long after your child has gotten up and walked off. Why? Because Wonder Pets ain’t half bad.

7. You will redirect your competitive, alpha-dog nature from things like salary, car, house and flat screen TV to things like Diaper Genies, strollers and baby furniture. “Did you get a load of that wipe warmer that Steve and Jen had? It only had one temperature setting and didn’t even light up! Ours is so much better. I’ll bet they’ve noticed it, too.”

8. Your favorite room in the house will no longer be the TV room. Or the kitchen. It will be the bathroom. Why? Because you can read ESPN the Magazine in there and the door locks. Sanctuary.

9. Yes. Its true. You will begin to love, not like, LOVE the Olive Garden.

10. You will begin to wear the same clothes over and over again, no matter how much you told yourself you wouldn’t be “that dad”. The other day I was looking at a picture of my daughter at 10 weeks old (over three years ago). Slowly, my eyes went down to the shirt I was wearing, then back to the picture, then back to the shirt. Yup.

Matt
Stop by and check out our Summer Sale…up to 60% off select clothing and gifts for baby girls and boys!

Less than an hour ago, My hometown of Los Angeles was rocked by yet another earthquake. If experience serves me, the actual magnitude will change over the next few days as news stations, eager to be first on the scene, report the best information they have at the moment. Immediate reports said 5.8, now it is down to 5.4.

My first earthquake in LA was the 1994 Northridge Quake. I had been living here for less than six months, and had conveniently chosen an apartment about a mile from the epicenter. For those of you who have not experienced a truly damaging earthquake, the experience is something that never leaves you. At the first hint of a tremor or rumble, your body stiffens, your pulse quickens and you freeze.

This one was particularly bad. Not because of the magnitute…it was really just kind of a gentle roller…but because, for the first time, I had a family. And we were all apart.

My wife was at home, Frankie was at daycare and I was at work. Once the rumbling subsided and my hands stopped shaking I tried to call. No service. I tried the land line. No service. And guess what? We had no plan. I didn’t think that it was a bad enough quake to cause any physical damage, but you never know. Sometimes it has to do with the type of fault and plate movement, as well as the depth and other factors. Regardless, I was worried beyond belief.

I promptly drove home, where Aline was fine and phone service had been restored. Frankie was ok, but they would be napping today with their shoes on, just in case. In twenty minutes, Aline and I drafted up a plan should the big one hit when we were all apart. Thats all it took, and we kicked ourselves for not having done it sooner. Tonight we will be going out to put together the earthquake kit that we have been meaning to get together for the last fourteen years.

Being unprepared for a natural disaster while responsible for the safety and well being of loved ones is not only lazy, it is just plain stupid. Thank god I get to redeem myself.

For a listing of high-risk earthquake areas and additional resources focusing on earthquake preparedness, here are some links:

http://www.fema.gov/areyouready/earthquakes.shtm

http://earthquake.usgs.gov/learning/preparedness.php

Los Angeles Fire Department Emergency Preparedness (PDF Download)

Matt
Visit our online boutique for the latest in fashion and fun for preemie, infant and toddler

OK, maybe not in its natural state. In fact, many little ones’ artwork looks a lot alike to me. But the great thing about the drawings and paintings that my daughter makes is that they are my daughter’s, and I save them all.

Recently, my husband surprised me with a gift that I would never have expected. It was original, fun, cool and unlike anything I have ever seen. Apparently, he got the idea from one on BusyDad’s posts a while ago, and was determined to get me something ever since. I was so happy when my daughter presented me with her drawing that day, I thought it was the coolest thing ever. Her first “real” resemblance of a drawing, and it was me! Miraculously the drawing disappeared the next day only to find out that Matt had taken it to hang it up at work. I was disappointed that he got to keep it, little did I know that he was cooking up something.

Jennifer, who owns and operates an amazing shop called Magic Dog Studio, has come up with a terrific way of preserving your wee one’s art. She takes the artwork and turns it into a one-of-a-kind sterling silver pendant or charm, signs it, packages it in a beautiful gift box and sends it to your front door. She is a true artist, and interprets the kid’s squiggles and zig-zags beautifully. In addition to little people (she also offers a necklace bearing members of the whole family), you can do handprints, thumbprints and wall pieces as well.

To give you an idea of how this uber-creative lady works, I thought I’d show you the before and after.

Here is the drawing that my daughter, Frankie did of me (no, I wasn’t having a bad hair day, thats creative license!).

My husband scanned the drawing and emailed it to Jennifer. After discussing how it would look and what type of chain to use (she suggested a silver cord so the figure would “walk” across it), she went to work.

Imagine my surprise when I received this necklace a few weeks later.

Pretty cool, huh? Magic Dog Studio is truly an example of a creative and talented person doing something completely unique with her gift. I encourage anyone with children, grandkids, wives or mothers to give Jennifer a call and ask her to create a piece for you. Its a perfect way to forever preserve the childhood of that special little one in your life. You can contact her at: magicdogstudio@yahoo.com.

Aline
Visit our online boutique for the latest in fashion and fun for preemie, infant and toddler

Tune in next time when we show you how to create some fun and bubbly art with your child that can actually hang on the wall and not the fridge!

Matt & Aline
Visit our online boutique for the latest in fashion and fun for preemie, infant and toddler

Whew…we’ve been doing some major site maintenance and have been gone for toooo long! We are, however, back in full force and hope that you have not given up on us. In fact we’re gearing up for a new episode of the Playpen In Motion, so look out for it coming up soon!

To start off the week, I’d like to say a special thanks to Jeremy from Discovering Dad, who not only runs an amazing site but does an interview called “Spotlight on Dads”, depicting a father’s perspective and it’s challenges from a man’s point of view. It’s such a great read and wonderful to know there are some awesome Dads out there!

Last week my husband, Matt, was honored by being selected to feature his journey through fatherhood. Funny and emotional, I of course loved the interview and want him to know what an unbelievable father he is.

Discovering Dad is a fantastic website, Jeremy is such a driven guy that has a fabulous outlook on fathering and his readers are the real deal as well! If you’re looking for a father’s perspective from a bunch of guys that put their heart and soul into their families, Discovering Dad’s “Spotlight on Dads” is worth the look. Thanks Jeremy!

Aline
Visit our online boutique for the latest in fashion and fun for preemie through toddler

We’ve received a few emails from a few concerned people who commented on our last post about potty training. Just wanted to let everyone know that we are in the process of some major site maintenance, and that unfortunately we lost some of your terrific comments and suggestions in the process. Please be patient with us, and keep the comments coming!
Matt & Aline
Visit our online boutique for the latest in fashion and fun for preemie through toddler

As many of you know, our daughter, Frankie, is three years old. And, we are proud to announce that she will be starting school in September! Thats right, our little girl is all grown up. Almost. You see, apparently preschools nowadays think its funny to bestow undo stress and ageda onto the lives of unsuspecting parents, by nonchalantly stating (after they’ve taken your check) “Oh, and she has to be potty trained”, as they walk out of the room.

We have bragged about every aspect of our daughter. Her vocabulary, her appearance, her willingness to kick butt and take names at any challenge we place in front of her…you name it. But the bottom line is, the girl ain’t perfect. For whatever reason, we simply can’t seem to convince her that the ole commode is a friend. We’ve tried everything. Nothing works. We thought it would be a great idea to tear down some of the most popular tricks and show you why they are completely useless:

1. Music. We love it. Play it all the time. Do you know how annoying it is to sit in the bathroom for an hour listening to your kid sing “Its a Small World” with no byproduct? Uh uh.

2. Offer a lot of praise. OK, great. Doesn’t your child actually have to use the potty in order to constitute praise?! “That’s awesome, baby….no poop!” Sounds more like sarcasm than praise, right?

3. Read with her. Good call….distract her with a great read. Next.

4. Use a “special potty”. We’ve gone through several, including the most recent one I made from a sterling silver, diamond crusted, 25″ Escalade rim. It has lasers and a fog machine. Also makes julienne fries. Two words: Doesn’t. Help.

5. Use a timer. Supposedly, you set the timer to help both of you remember when its time to go. Hello?! How can I know when she’s going when she does it in the diaper? Sheesh.

6. Set up target practice. Yes, its true. Put some brightly colored cereal or the like in the potty and let them go all Shock and Awe on it. Um….my child is a girl…she’s going to be shooting blind even if I put a chocolate souffle in the hopper.

7. Make them feel proud. See number two.

8. Use treats and surprises. My parents rewarded me when I went to the bathroom with Milk Duds. Now I get a gigantic sugar rush every time I pee. Moving on.

9. Give them stickers. My daughter has about 5 sticker books, and gets a new one in the mail from Grandma about once a week. You think she’s gonna go all crazy because I stick some gold foil star on her wrist? C’mon…she’s got six Smurf puffy stickers in her hand right now. That’s so played.

10. Let them help you throw out the dirty diapers. So you’re supposed to hand a three-year-old a poopy diaper and tell them to throw it in the toilet. Thats like giving Dick Cheney a loaded gun and telling him to go hang out with his friends for a while. Sooner or later, your gonna have a mess on your hands.

So please, we are asking for your help. All of you good lurkers out there need to come to the aid of the party and let us know the following:

What age do you think is realistic for a child to be fully potty trained? and:

What technique did you use that finally had your little one reading the sports section on the Great White Radio?

Let us know…we are on the clock!

Matt & Aline
Visit our online boutique for the latest in fashion and fun for preemie through toddler

I’ve written a lot about my family, outlook on child-raising and random things that I think are funny. But let me begin this entry by telling you a bit about what I do (bear with me, my reason for doing this is forthcoming). I went to a fairly well-know art school in Los Angeles, where I studied Graphic Design. Since then, I have been working in Marketing and Creative Direction for about 11 years, and have been fortunate enough to move up the corporate food chain relatively quickly. I served my previous employer (Job #1) in this capacity for eight years, and have been at my current position for over two (Job #2).

Somewhere between the birth of my daughter and accepting the position at my current employer, I came to what I would call a life decision. You see, my rapid advancement at Job #1 allowed me to gain a better reputation, expand my resume and enjoy higher compensation, but it came with a price. In order to achieve those benefits, I became something I did not want to be. I became a politician. I positioned, self-promoted, strategized and campaigned against other individuals, eventually getting one of them fired so I could assume their role and expand my responsibilities. The rat race excited me…I can even say that I enjoyed it. The truth be told, I was good at it.

Then my daughter was born. Something clicked inside me and I was filled with shame and remorse. I realized that my co-workers were human beings. They had families. The very thing I was chastising them for (not dedicating heart, sole and any available free time to corporate capital gain), somehow made sense now. What the Hell was I doing? Granted, the individual I spoke of was let go for poor performance, but who was I to attempt to encourage that, when it might have happened on its own anyway?

Until recently, at Job #2, I have lived to a new standard. I have not, will not, engage in corporate politics. It’s been beneath me, and I’ve lived, worked and played with a sense of brotherly love for all my fellow human beings. I was the corporate Gandhi, dealing out forgiveness and tolerance like playing cards on the poker table of American business.

Then it happened.

A peer in my company decided to take issue with my performance. She decided to campaign against me, apparently hoping that if she spoke in a loud enough voice, her projects would miraculously rise to the top of my priority list, regardless of whether or not they belonged there. To my horror, it started working. I looked at her from across a conference table a week ago. Determined. Angry. Defiant. My God, she was me.

I realized that, for my own survival and protection, I had to slip back into that all-too-familiar territory of bobbing and weaving, campaigning and politicking. I had no choice. If I didn’t, she could potentially cause me to lose my job, which would be devastating to my family’s future. So I have, and can tell you quite matter-of-factly, that I will succeed in completely obliterating whatever seeds of suspicion she may have planted in people’s minds, and probably cause both of us a lot of unnecessary heartache in the process. How’s that for brotherly love?

When I came home last night, I spent a while looking at photos of my daughter. She is so happy. So innocent. Her face, in some recent shots of her in the pool, bears an expression of pure, uncontaminated joy – an expression my own face has not carried for a long, long time.

How do I raise her to succeed? I have two choices. I can raise her to ignore the motives and deception of others, rise above distrust and poor character and work and live to an idealistic standard, which will make her a much better person, but set her up for disappointment and make her vulnerable to the misdirected intentions of others. Or I can teach her how to manipulate, maneuver and use situations for personal advancement, how to use peoples personalities and weaknesses against them and how to protect herself by covering herself, which will probably allow her to follow the same career path I have, but set her up for the same self-evaluation and disappointment that I am experiencing now.

I hate no-win decisions.

Matt
Visit our online boutique for the latest in fashion and fun for preemie through toddler

Thats how we read the general question being asked by this article posted on BusinessWeek. This question is being asked more and more frequently, and has become a hot topic, for obvious reasons. It doesn’t get the press that issues like abortion or gay marriage receive, simply because the overall population of parents who have premature babies is still relatively small in comparison to those with full-term children. However it is an extreme hot button for those parents who have gone through the experience of having a child in the NICU.

The core of the debate emanates from reports such as these:

Excerpt

“extending intensive care to the most immature infants would entail considerable suffering, resource use, and cost in order to benefit only a small proportion of infants.” Elderly patients who are subjected to painful, drawn-out hospital procedures can urge doctors not to take further drastic measures; preemies who suffer through heroic interventions have no such voice.

The issue is more complicated than simply taking a side. As in many great political debates the real issue stems from one side being overly analytical and mechanical, while the opposition behaves emotionally and oftentimes irrationally. Lina Moreco, the Montreal filmmaker who created Medicine Under the Influence, a 76-minute documentary on this very topic, is an example of the former.

“Many of those children would not have survived 30 or even 20 years ago. Now they do, with often terrible consequences,” Moreco states. “It doesn’t make sense that we, as a society, spend $250,000 to save a baby born after only 22 weeks, but spend next to nothing to provide the treatment and therapies they need to live with their handicaps. It’s scandalous.” Note that this film was release in 2004, the cost of NICU care of a 22 weeker can now often exceed $1 million.

Whether you have a preemie or not, it is easy to see why this type of cold, fact-based logic ignites such passion among parents of pre-term children. As anyone who has watched the amazingly heart-wrenching and touching film, “Little Man” can attest, there are times when even the most dedicated parent of preemies, particularly ones unfortunate enough to possess serious birth defects and lifelong health issues, can waiver and question their own decision to put their families, relationships, health and financial security behind the life of a child who’s very survival is uncertain.

For us, it was practically a non-issue. We have been blessed with a preemie who, at three-years-old, has no evidence of the health-related issues she once faced. Although her period in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit was extremely difficult for us, there was never any shred of doubt in our minds about whether or not we wanted her to survive.

For others, however, it is not so simple. In fact, the great preemie debate is really a continuation of the abortion issue. Only the individuals personally involved in the situation truly understand the implications of their decision. Is it right to deny resuscitation to a child based on the possibility that its life may be complicated, expensive, cruel and laden with hardship?

In our opinion, the parents, and only the parents, can make that decision.

Matt and Aline
Visit our online boutique for the latest in fashion and fun for preemie through toddler